


Ellie Nihil and The Light of Fulfillment

by xanihil



Series: Ellie Nihil [1]
Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Canon Compliant Technically, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Major Original Character(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-06-23
Updated: 2018-06-23
Packaged: 2019-05-27 12:28:26
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 15
Words: 52,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15024620
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/xanihil/pseuds/xanihil
Summary: Severus Snape knew his responsibilities. He was to assist Dumbledore in overthrowing the Dark Lord and  protect Harry Potter in memory of Lily Evans. But before Potter arrived, he met another child who needed his help. Ellie Nihil stirred feelings of protectiveness in Snape that he never knew he had, and a love he never thought he deserved. But when Ellie's own dark secrets emerge, he might find that there is more to Ellie than meets the eye. Through mundane encounters and genuine danger, together, they may still find the light.The story continues in Part 2: Ellie Nihil and the Seven Wands.





	1. The Girl on the Swing

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading! If you like it, please leave a comment!

Severus Snape was not enjoying his summer vacation at Spinner’s End. It was marginally better than in his days as a student at Hogwarts, but not by much. Only a week had gone by, and he was already becoming weary of sitting in his worn armchair, working his way through the rather extensive library at his disposal. Bored and frustrated, he decided to take an evening walk. 

He was hardly a block from his front door when, looking up at the oppressive storm clouds, he began to regret his choice of clothing. His muggle wardrobe left much to be desired. Not paying attention, he had chosen a very thin dress shirt, which was soaked through within minutes. The weather was in that confused state of more-than-mist and less-than-rain that can’t quite be warded off by an umbrella, but still makes you wish you had brought one along.

Without any necessary guidance, Snape’s feet found their way along the familiar roads of his hometown. He wandered unconsciously to the playground where he and Lily had met. For the thousandth time since he’d been home he let his mind dwell on their time together, both happy and sad. His memories of her were so vivid; it was as if they had been children here together only yesterday. He leaned on the fence between the decrepit park and the crumbling sidewalk, and he thought he could see Lily sitting on the swing, and hear the creak of the rusting chains. In fact, he was sure that someone was sitting there.

For a moment Snape let himself believe that his friend was returned to him by some miracle, but a lifetime of disappointment quickly sobered him. Looking closer, there was indeed a girl of nine or ten with her back to him, with the same dark red hair as the young Evans, but pin-straight and falling only to her shoulders. No, this was not Lily, but something within the sullen potions master made him approach her anyway.

Snape trod silently until he was mere feet from the stranger, then said in a voice that had cowed many men greater than she, “A bit late to be playing outside, don’t you think?”

The response was immediate. She leapt up and whipped around to face her potential attacker, fearless determination etched into every feature. With a steady tone she demanded, “Who are you? What do you want?”

In a rare moment of spontaneity, he replied honestly, “Severus Snape. I want  _ you _ to go home before someone gets worried that a young girl is alone at night during a storm that seems like it’s going to be very…”  He paused to glance up at the darkening clouds, “unpleasant.”

The girl maintained her scowl and glared at the ground, muttering, “Don’t have a home. No one to worry.” Snape glanced over at the frayed rucksack on the ground.

“Running away, are we?” The professor drawled. She continued to stare at the ground, shoulders shaking slightly, whether from the cold or from the effort of holding back tears, Snape could not tell. He asked more gently, “What’s your name?”

She sniffled and said “Ellie.” Then her urgent eyes met Snape’s and she begged, “You’re not going to turn me in, are you?” 

Snape examined her again. Just moments before, she had looked like the most confident girl in the world, but now her young face was tense and her whole body was shaking. He hadn’t seen anyone that terrified since - well, a very long time ago. Snape assumed the usual authoritative demeanor that he always used with his students. “No, Ellie. I will not, as you say, turn you in.” Ellie let out her breath in one huge sigh of relief, as if she had just avoided death itself.  “However,” Snape continued, to Ellie’s disappointment, “I cannot allow you to roam the streets at night.” To reinforce the message, there was a great clap of thunder and the clouds finally decided that they did want to rain after all, and this time they meant business. 

Ellie started to ask where she was supposed to go but she stopped when Snape continued, “I live nearby. After we get out of the rain, we can discuss what to do with you.”

 

Ellie didn’t like the way he said “What to do with you.” It reminded her of her teachers that liked to carry a ruler with them at all times, and not for measuring. But she didn’t know what else to do. She hadn’t planned very far ahead. She got to “pack a bag and leave” and hadn’t thought much beyond that. Her latest foster family had been awful. Not as bad as the alcoholic she had before, but the Moores didn’t give her anything that could be called a proper bedroom. She thought that it had once been a pantry, and despite her proximity to the kitchen she practically wasn’t allowed to eat at all. Returning to the orphanage briefly crossed her mind, but she knew that she would only be sent back to another family that didn’t really want her. So, Ellie packed her things and snuck out while the couple was happily watching telly. 

Now, she found herself following a mysterious, and frankly suspicious, stranger back to his house, despite the fact that every adult she’d ever known would have advised against it. But she was cold, and wet, and didn’t have anywhere else to go. So after ten or so minutes of walking, they arrived at an old brick house, barely in better condition than the abandoned ones around it. She was just about making up her mind to run away after all, when Severus opened the front door, and she caught a glimpse of a bookshelf. Unable to resist, she followed Snape into his home and stood, dripping, in the middle of the room.

Books. Books! More books than she had ever seen. Older, as well. Four walls from floor to ceiling, filled. These weren’t just school textbooks; these were heavy leather-bound masterpieces with embossed covers and silver lettering on the spine. Despite herself, Ellie began to trust this Severus Snape. People who didn’t read were stupid and mean in her experience, so by her logic anyone with a Library had to be good.

Snape interrupted her reverie and commanded, “Stay here.” Then he opened a hidden door in the wall and ascended a flight of narrow stairs. Ellie did her best to obey, but the books were so tempting. After only a minute or two, before her will broke, Snape returned with two towels, and handed one of them to her, while she continued to stare hungrily at the books.

“Do you like to read?”

She briefly wondered if it was some sort of trick question, but decided against it. “Yes, very much. I don’t think I’ve ever seen so many books all in one place before.”

“Before you start dripping on any of my rare and expensive books, you may want to change into some dry clothes. Do you have a spare in your bag?”

“Yes.”

“Yes, sir.”

“Sorry?”

“When you address me it will be as sir, or Professor Snape. Understood?”

“Yes… Professor? Are you a teacher?”

“Yes. Does that surprise you?” His curt reply and icy stare clearly indicated that any affirmative answer to that question would result in great displeasure for young Ellie.

“No, sir.” 

“Very good. The bathroom is this way.” Snape led the way back to the staircase, and Ellie followed, taking in the shabby view around her. At the top of the stairs there was a short hallway, lined with plain wooden doors. The worn floorboards creaked with every step, and she couldn’t help thinking that the whole place could do with a little more light. There didn’t even seem to be any electricity. There were only lanterns hanging from the ceiling with slowly burning candles. Frankly, the whole house should have been condemned as a fire hazard. “It’s the last door on the left. You can leave your clothes to dry on the tub. I will change as well,” He indicated a door to his right, “And then I will meet you downstairs.”

Ellie entered the bathroom to find it had the same air of disuse as the rest of the house. It probably hadn’t been redecorated anytime in the last half century and only barely served its necessary functions. She wondered if the shower even got hot water. Well, it would explain the professor’s greasy appearance at any rate. Leaving her clothes hanging over the side of the tub, she came out in a (relatively) dry pair of jeans and a plain white t-shirt.  She went back to the library where Snape was already waiting.

“Have you had dinner yet? I could prepare something.” Snape inquired, unfurling himself from the armchair.

After spending her entire life relying on others to eat, she knew that people rarely actually wanted to share their food. Besides, she was already imposing too much. She replied as politely as possible, “I’m not hungry, thank you.”

Snape scrutinized the girl for a moment then said, “I did not ask whether you were hungry or not. I asked whether you had eaten tonight.” Seeing that she was about to deny the fact, Snape added, “Do not lie to me.”

When Ellie finally realized that the offer was more than just courtesy, she answered, “No, sir. I haven’t.”

Snape continued, “Good. Neither have I. While I get supper ready, you can look through the books if you like.” Ellie couldn’t control showing some excitement at this, despite her efforts to remain cool and collected. It was a simple safety precaution, as far as she was concerned. Her constant changing of homes and lack of any sort of long-term friends or family invited a lot of ridicule at the various schools she had attended. But when she didn’t react to their taunts, they usually just got bored and left her alone. There were only two times in her life when she had encountered a really relentless bully.

The first time was at a new school a couple towns over, when she was only in kindergarten. She was staying in a foster home with an old couple. They weren’t mean to her per se, but they sometimes forgot that she was there. Brian Bunt was the big bad in her grade, and for some reason he delighted in teasing her constantly, at every chance he got. One day he stole her notebook and ran off with it. When he was running he tripped over a pile of blocks and landed right on his face. It broke his nose. His parents withdrew him from the school because of “negligent teachers.” Ellie never had to lift a finger against him, or even raise her voice. The problem just took care of itself. Ellie’s problems usually did.

When the old couple got tired of her, they sent her back to the orphanage. After that she always took her classes at the orphanage itself, rather than a real school. Other children were allowed to switch schools all the time, but Ellie thought that they were still secretly blaming her for Brian's accident, and wanted to keep an eye on her.

Two years later there were a couple of older girls in the orphanage who called her horse-face, which wasn't entirely inaccurate. Her teeth were a bit too big for her face, but she hoped she'd grow into them. Still, the two girls would tease her at every chance and invited all the other children to join in the taunts. Both girls came down with mysterious illnesses and had to be moved to a special facility.  After that, the rumors spread that Ellie was bad luck, and if you got too close she would curse you. Ellie didn’t understand the allegations. She hadn’t even done anything. They were mean, and they got what they deserved. If anything, thought Ellie, she was lucky. But Ellie didn’t deny the rumors. It gave her an excuse not to talk to people, which is how she liked it anyway. Just her and her books.

Professor Snape was not done talking. “Be warned, though. You may only read the books within your reach. If they cannot be easily accessed it is because they are not meant to be touched. Understood?”

“Yes, Sir.” Ellie replied, not unhappily. There were a hundred books within her reach, and she didn’t feel the need to read the ones higher up. They looked very old. She supposed that they were too delicate to be trusted with a child. She didn’t want to blow her chance at exploring the library by challenging his command. Her curiosity was piqued, of course, but weighing the pros and cons left her very satisfied with what she had been freely offered.

 

Of course, Snape’s reason for not wanting her to snoop on the higher shelves was that that was where he kept the books on magic. Most of the lower shelves were filled with muggle literature and history, with a significant section containing books on muggle science. The few shelves within reach that held wizard-written books were simple novels that would be called fantasy by any muggle who happened to read one. Content that his secret was safe, Snape turned on his heel and opened another concealed door, which he promptly closed behind him.

 

Left to her own devices and a fully stocked library, Ellie allowed herself to smile. She walked along the wall, dragging her hand over the spines of the books. There were some names and titles that she recognized: Homer, Shakespeare, Dickens, Orwell, The Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire, Don Quixote, War and Peace, etc.  But there were other, stranger names that she did not recognize, like Toader, Bagshot, Oddpick, Slinkhard, and Jigger. Moving along the row she found herself in a section dedicated to modern physics and complex maths. She pulled one of the books out and scanned through it. She had been proud of herself for learning some pre-algebra before even reaching junior high school but this was another language. Ellie found herself wondering what exactly it was that Professor Snape taught.

He had more literature than any English teacher she had seen, but also books on sciences ranging from chemistry to astronomy, oddly mixed in with some books on astrology and divination. As she reached the fourth and final wall she found that it was full of nothing but history. There was the expected stuff about European history, dating from ancient Rome to “Advances in the twentieth Century: Next stop, time travel!” But there were also less common topics such as the colonization of Spanish South America, and Viking journals.

Satisfied that she had explored all that she was allowed to, Ellie chose  _ Imperial Nomads: A History of Central Asia _ and sat down to read. After 30 or so minutes, Snape reentered the room and directed Ellie to follow him into the kitchen. Out of all the rooms in the house, this was the only one that felt even remotely modern. Snape ladled a good portion of some sort of stew into two bowls, and set them at opposite sides of a creaky wooden table, and gestured at one spindly chair for Ellie to sit.

Ellie expected him to start drilling her with questions right away, but instead he silently began to eat. She hesitantly sat down and picked up the slightly bent spoon. She politely ate several mouthfuls, slowly, as she had been taught. The professor didn’t look like someone who would be good at cooking, but Ellie found that it was really actually quite good. She suddenly remembered how hungry she was. How long had it been since she had really had a full meal? Three days? A week?

Since he was already ignoring proper dinner etiquette (as she had been taught) by not engaging in conversation, Ellie decided to dig in with gusto, and eat her fill, manners be damned. All too soon, the bowl  was empty. She stared at it for a moment or two and wondered if it would be rude to ask for more.

 

Seeing that Ellie had finished, Snape stood up and refilled her bowl, then put it back down in front of her, still without saying a word. He knew that she couldn’t stay here for long. Despite her claim of having no one to worry, someone would start looking for her soon. However, she must have had a reason for leaving, and he couldn’t just send her home to face whatever unpleasant fate awaited her there. He knew that feeling all too well. She was far too thin, and her face far too sharp and angular for someone so young. He was glad that he decided to bring her in. In her state, a night in the rain could have killed her. Snape finished his first portion as Ellie looked up hopefully for thirds. He obliged, and then sat back down across from her with his fingers pressed together, and waited to ask his questions.

 

“Now. What to do with you. Any ideas, Miss Ellie?”

“You could just let me go on my way now, sir.” Ellie answered, without much hope.

“You seem to be under the impression that I would keep you here against your will. I assure you, you can leave at any time. However, I would advise against it.”

Ellie did not move from her chair, but rather sank back into it, finally resigning herself to whatever questions Snape had for her.

“Very well. Now, we begin. I think we both know that you ran away for a reason. As for what that reason is, I will not ask. The question is: Where should you go now? You can’t stay here. You could go back to wherever you were before, or we could find somewhere else. Do you have any family or friends with whom you could stay?”

Ellie clenched her fists in her lap and answered honestly, “I don’t have anywhere to go. I’m an orphan.” She prepared herself for the looks of pity that she usually received from adults and the insincere “Oh I’m so sorry. When did they die?” that inevitably followed. She hated that question. She always had to answer that they didn’t die. They didn’t want her to begin with. She was left at the orphanage as an infant, but Miss Trumble, the director, wasn’t legally allowed to tell Ellie who her mother was. It was in the contract. Ellie sometimes liked to imagine her parents together, with a daughter who was good at sports and smiled all the time, who made them very happy, like Ellie never would. But sometimes she liked to imagine that they were both dead, because it made it easier. She would explain to the concerned teacher or foster parent that she never knew and never would know her parents. It was usually at this point in the conversation that the pity drained out of their eyes and was replaced by a cold judgment that questioned her “breeding.”

But Snape did not look at her with pity. He simply asked, in the same way a medical examiner asks your height, weight, and age, whether she ran away from the orphanage. She said, “No. I ran away from my foster family. I wouldn’t run away from the orphanage. They would notice. But I thought that the Moores wouldn’t report it right away so… so I left.” 

Snape nodded. “Well, Ellie, you are probably right about that. But I will have to bring you back to the orphanage. It’s Trumble’s Home for Girls, isn’t it? It isn’t far from here.”

Snape had never been there, but he had lived in that area for his entire life, and the place was infamous. They were supposedly a certified home and school, but he had never heard of any actual education happening there. He was loathe to send the young girl back there, but what choice did he have? Anyone whose eyes lit up that way when she entered the library deserved better than spelling lessons from Old Miss Trumble. She was nice enough, he had heard, but there wasn’t an intellectual bone in her body.

Ellie asked very seriously, but without much hope, “do I have to go back right away? They probably won’t even notice I’ve left until tomorrow morning.”

Snape said, “Again, Ellie, your thinking is probably correct. It is a bit too late to take you back now. We wouldn’t want to disturb Miss Trumble’s beauty sleep. No, I believe it would be best if you spent the night here. But we’ll be leaving first thing in the morning. We’ll have to walk, and I can’t detain you for too long. Best we both sleep early tonight. Have you finished eating?”

Ellie nodded. “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

Snape put the dishes in the sink, and led Ellie back into the library. Very hesitantly, Ellie said, “er, if it’s alright with you, sir, could I read some more before I go to sleep? I mean, only if you don’t mind. Professor.” 

 

Snape cracked one of his rare smiles and picked up  _ Imperial Nomads. _ “Of course. You can read it upstairs. Bring your bag. The spare room should be ready. A bit dusty, but still serviceable I should think. This may surprise you, but I don’t get many guests.” It was a peculiar thing, the kindness he showed toward her. He had almost forgotten that it was possible to speak naturally to someone, and smile without any irony. It was not a beautiful smile. It was taut and thin, and made the corners of his eyes bunch up in a way that was not fitting for a man of his age, but scratched into a face that was always cold and calculating, it was a blessed piece of warmth. 

 

But it was fleeting, and halfway up the stairs, Ellie wondered if she had perhaps imagined the whole thing. He somberly led her to her room and carefully lit a dozen candles for her. He said goodnight and closed the door with a creak and a thump.

Ellie whispered goodnight to the already-closed door, and settled into the bed with her book. It was dusty, and the bed sagged, but it was twice the size of the beds in the orphanage, and she had the room to herself. After a time, she blew out the candles and fell asleep, wishing that morning would never come.

 

The next morning, she was up before the sun. She should have been used to the feeling of waking up in a stranger’s home by now, but it was still jarring. Usually she at least knew what to do in the morning. All of her foster families had laid down the rules as soon as she walked in the door. Often before she even got a chance to put her things down. But that morning, she just sat in the bed, uncertain what to do. The room was very dark, and the candles had long since blown out. She fumbled around the bed table until she found the book of matches. After a few failed attempts, she got one of the candles lit. She threw her bag over her shoulder, and picked up her book and candle, thinking she might read downstairs until the professor was ready. Not wanting to wake the professor, she tiptoed across the room and opened the door as quietly as possible, but it creaked loudly in the eerie silence. She walked quietly across the thick carpet in the hallway and thought how easy it would be to just leave the house now without Professor Snape knowing.

She didn’t have a watch, but she trusted her internal clock. And her internal clock was saying that it couldn’t be later than 5:30 or 6 AM. The odds of the professor being up at this hour were pretty low. And yet, when she opened the door to the library, he was sitting in a chair, reading. He looked up and asked, "Are you ready to go?" 

She blurted, "I haven't finished my book."

Severus said, "You can keep it. It's time to go back."

Ellie just nodded glumly and said, "Thank you, sir." She was not ready to go back.


	2. Nomad

Ellie spent nearly 3 days in the orphanage. Summer was the worst time to be there, since they didn't have classes to structure the day. The older kids had permission to leave and walk around town, unless they were being punished, but all the elementary schoolers had to stay in, so they would just run around and scream. Even if the other girls let her, Ellie wouldn't have wanted to join their games. Or maybe she would have, but it didn't matter because they never asked. Instead, she stayed in her bed and read the book that the professor had lent her. She took her time, savoring the style and considering the implications of the history, rather than devouring the words as she usually did. Even so, she reached the end of the book shortly after lunch.

She was sure she'd read every book in the building, not that there were many to begin with, and didn't know what else to do. She thought she might try the science textbook again, since she hadn't understood it all the first time, but then she remembered that one of the older children had taken it from her and dumped it in the toilet. She'd rescued it and dried the pages, but reading the water stained book would only make her mood worse.

She looked down at  _ Imperial Nomads _ in her lap. The professor hadn't asked for the book back, but she felt like she ought to return it anyway. And maybe if she was lucky, he would let her borrow another. It took less than hour to walk there, much closer than the public library, and she had the whole afternoon to kill, so she asked Miss Trumble if she would be allowed to walk outside on her own.

"Don't you want to play with the others?"

"Not really."

Miss Trumble sighed and put her hands on her hips, looking over to the cluster of whispering girls huddled around something that would almost certainly get them in trouble. Unable to think of a really good reason to say no, she said "Alright you can go return the book. But be back before supper, alright? You know the way?"

"Yes, Miss Trumble."

"Remember your manners, Ellie. Try not to impose."

"Yes, Miss Trumble."

 

As Ellie walked towards the Professor's house, she wondered if she really was imposing after all. Maybe he had let her keep the book just so that he wouldn't have to see her again. Her pace slowed to a crawl. Eventually she stopped walking and just stood in the middle of the sidewalk, clutching the book to her chest. She found herself standing in front of the playground where the professor had first found her. glumly, she walked over to the swings and sat down.

Ellie always loved the swings. They were the best part of any playground, because you could enjoy them all by yourself. And if someone else was swinging next to you, it was almost like playing with someone else, but not enough to make the other person embarrassed for hanging out with the freak. When she was younger, the teachers would chastise her for sitting and reading, because they thought she needed exercise. So she would take her spot on a swing, and not give up her seat for anyone. She could just close her eyes and pretend that she was flying. Sometimes she imagined letting go at the top of the arc and just floating up through the air, untethered, away from everything.

Other children were content to jump off the swing and see how far away they could land. But Ellie never jumped off. She couldn't stand the thought of hitting the ground after the flight. She didn't want to jump unless she could fly. So she would drag her feet to slow her momentum until she could stop completely. Only then would she be willing to get off. 

In the last year or so she had stopped swinging. Her teachers let her read now. So she she sat on the squeaky swing, slowly rocking, eyes downcast, with her toes brushing the ground, thinking about how her entire existence was an imposition.  A pair of feet entered her field of vision as she suddenly found herself sitting in someone's shadow. 

"Running away again, are we? After all the trouble I went through to bring you back?"

Ellie immediately jumped up, looking frightened. She thrust the book into the professor's hands, muttered "I'm sorry for bothering you" and bolted off in the direction of the Home.

 

"Stupid." Ellie chastised herself, after returning to her room. "Really stupid." Why did she think that she had been anything but trouble for the professor? She had wasted his time and selfishly thought to ask him for more books. More favors. Maybe, she admitted to herself, more food. At least she had returned the book. That was the right thing to do, wasn't it? Unless it just made her seem ungrateful.

She threw herself down on the bed and muffled her screams of frustration in the pillow. This is why nobody liked her. Not because she read too much, or was unathletic, or had stupid teeth. She was just selfish. Ellie was surprised to find herself crying. She didn't want to be selfish. She wanted to be helpful. But what can a nine year old do? Especially when she is surrounded by bullies and negligent adults who are completely undeserving of any favors. All she could do was leech off strangers, with no power to do anything for herself or anyone else.

If she lived in a real house, Ellie thought, a parent would come in right now and rub her back and tell her how loved she was. She'd read about parents like that. But she'd also read about parents who hit their children for crying, so things could be worse. She sat up, took a few deep breaths, and wiped away the tears. Why was she upset about being useless anyway? What would she even  do if she had power? A quiet voice in her head said,  _ you could do whatever you want. _

_ But the point isn't to do whatever I want!  _ said another voice.  _ The point is to do what other people need! To stop being so selfish! _

Even as she thought this, it felt like a lie. That wasn't the point at all. She'd never met anyone she wanted to help, other than herself. She knew that people, in general, deserved good things, even if she didn't personally know any particularly nice people. She just wanted people to appreciate her, even if she didn't like them all that much. She lifted her head and looked into the full size mirror hanging on the door. She looked defiantly at her red-eyed reflection and declared, "I'm going to be a brilliant scientist and win lots of awards." She looked so serious that she almost believed herself.

She put all of her will into her words, digging up whatever reserves of power lay within. "I am going to change the world." When she said it out loud, it felt like a prophecy. There was a little bud of warmth in her chest that began to bloom, and Ellie believed that what she said was true. Maybe not right now, maybe not in a few years, maybe not in 50 years, but someday. Someday she was going to be more than a child in the system. Someday she was going to be powerful. Someday she was going to be important.

 

Severus looked at the book as he walked back to his house. He assumed that it was the one he had given her, although he hadn't paid attention to the title at the time. Now that he looked at it, though, it was a curious choice. He had never read it himself, but it appeared to be a rather dry history. It had only been a few days since she got it. Surely an elementary school student would take longer to read such a tremendously challenging book. More likely she had gotten bored of it and decided to bring it back. He wished that he had gotten a chance to ask her about it, before she ran off. 

He did hope that she had run back to the home, and not actually run away this time. He found himself unusually worried about her safety. His eyes skimmed over the first page of the book as he walked into his little sitting room. The girl had looked so excited when she walked in here. Ignoring the peeling ceiling and the yellowed curtains on the one very narrow window, she had eyes only for the books. Remembering this, he considered that maybe she really had read the entire book. He placed it on the end table and looked at it thoughtfully for a moment. 

Shaking himself from his contemplation, he decided that it didn't matter either way. He was unlikely to ever see her again. Inviting an extraordinarily bright and curious muggle child into his rather magical house had been inviting trouble, and he wasn't about to do it again. 

And yet, over the next two weeks the professor found himself thinking about the muggle girl quite a lot. His regular walks took him past the playground quite often, and his reminiscences begin to include Ellie as well as Lily, having now run into her there twice. On several occasions, he almost put  _ Imperial Nomads _ back on the shelf, but ultimately left it out, on the off chance that Ellie came back for it. When he took a trip to diagon alley to refill his potion stores, he saw a redheaded child eating ice cream with her parents and felt an unfamiliar pang of sympathy for the thin child he had met so briefly. 

One night, he was trying to read in the sitting room but kept glancing over at the book still on the table. After reading the same sentence 3 times and not absorbing any of it, he slammed the book shut and began pacing the room, scowling. He had to admit to himself, he was worried about Ellie. After she returned the book he had never checked to make sure she got back to the Home. Miss Trumble had seemed very grateful when Ellie was returned the first time, but hadn't asked many questions or said anything about keeping a closer eye on her. Was it possible that Ellie been immediately brought to a new foster home and been more successful in her escape this time?

The next morning, he picked out a book to bring her as a gift. In part, this was a good pretense for visiting. But also, Severus suspected that there weren't many reading options at the Home and Ellie would genuinely appreciate the gesture. Mostly, he said to himself, he just wanted to know she was there and leave with a peaceful mind. He still had a lot of lesson planning to do for the coming year and didn't want to be distracted. 

When Severus arrived at the home, Miss Trumble was surprised to see him, but hurriedly showed him to Ellie's room when he explained the reason for his visit. She knocked on the doorframe, said, "someone to see you, dear." then rushed off to see to some other issue.

Severus stood by the open door while Ellie watched him warily. He suddenly remembered that he had been rather rude to her when they spoke last. Feeling both guilty and defiant he was nonetheless able to say without emotion, "I brought you a book." He held it out to her but she flinched away.

"I can't take this," she said, averting her eyes.

Severus was so sure that she would accept it that he wasn't sure how to respond. She wouldn't even meet her eyes. After a brief uncomfortable silence, he asked her why she couldn't accept, as gently as he could.

"You've done enough for me already. And I haven't even thanked you properly. I can't accept anything else from you."

"So thank me properly. And then take the book. I came all the way here." This was clearly the wrong thing to say. Ellie looked even more put out than before. 

"I'm sorry." He said. "You don't need to thank me for anything. I did what anyone should have done. And you don't have to take the gift. That isn't why I came here." He waited a moment to see if she would ask why he came, but she didn't seem inclined to say anything.

"I came because I wanted to know if you were safe." She continued to stare at her feet gently scuffing the already scuffed floor. He sighed and perched himself awkwardly next to her on the bed and looked down at his feet too.

"I think that you are safe here. But I also think that you are probably unhappy, underfed, and not academically challenged. As a teacher, this is something I cannot abide. So I would like you to take this book, read it, and hopefully learn something from it. And when you are done, you can bring it back and get another one, if you like."

Severus turned his head to see Ellie staring at him with a very serious look in her eye. "Thank you, professor. I would like that very much."

 

Over the next few weeks, Ellie spent a lot of time at the Professor's house. She would return a book in the morning and then have lunch with the professor, where they would talk about what she had read. Sometimes he was familiar with the book, but more often than not Ellie was the only one who had read it so she would just summarize it for him. Their conversations became relaxed and comfortable, and the professor would even laugh sometimes. He looked so serious that she was always surprised by his kindness, even experiencing it nearly every day.

After lunch she would sit in the parlor and start a new book, and the professor would either read with her or disappear to his basement lab to do whatever he did down there. She had asked once to see it, but the professor had gotten very serious and said that she was not to go down there under any circumstances. He had been unusually snarky and mean-tempered for the rest of the day so she didn't bring it up again. Before dark, the professor would send her on her way with her new book, and she would return after finishing it a day or two later to do it all again.

For a while, Ellie spent a lot of time wondering why he was doing this for her. Eventually, though, she came to the surprising conclusion that they were probably friends. She'd never really had a friendship before, but she was pretty sure that it looked something like this. Yes, in fact, if she imagined the perfect friendship it would definitely involve talking about books for hours together every day. 

Professor Snape didn't usually want to talk about personal things, but Ellie did gradually learn stuff about him, and he did learn stuff about her. She learned that he had grown up in this house but had gone off to boarding school when he was 11, to the same school where he taught now. Apparently his mother had gone there too. His mother must live somewhere else though, because he said that this house got closed down during the school year because he lives on campus. She tried not to think about what that meant for their friendship in September. But she had been alone before, and she could do it again.

Ellie told him about life in the Home, and about how it was better than the foster families, but still bad. She didn't tell him about why she was so unpopular though. She knew that the mysterious illnesses of her bullies couldn't really be her fault, but she didn't want to freak him out in case he was superstitious. He didn't have any friends in the area either, because he went to boarding school as a kid. Each time she visited his house, Ellie felt less guilty about taking up his time. He seemed to genuinely appreciate her company as much as she did his. She wondered if he also felt lonely sometimes. If she didn't show up for a few days, would he come find her again? 

In the last week of August, Ellie read faster than ever and came to his house every day. She knew that he would leave by September 1st, but he hadn't mentioned anything about it for weeks. Would she maybe knock on his door one day and find that he had already left without saying goodbye? On August 28th she finally decided to bring it up at lunch, but he had something else to say first.

"I have a gift for you. But it needs a little explanation. Do you remember how I said that my school is very remote and isolated? And… old fashioned?" He asked, cautiously.

"Yeah, you said that you don't even have telephones."

"Right. Well, we also don't have a post office that delivers to us."

Ellie felt a hard lump rising in her throat. This might be the goodby she was waiting for. "Really? How do you talk to people?" she asked as casually as she could.

"Wait here a moment." 

Ellie waited, not knowing what to expect. A minute or two later, the professor returned with a large dome-shaped thing covered with a thick black cloth. He set it very gently on the table and then lifted the cover, revealing a cage containing a large brown bird. When the cover was off, the bird opened its eyes and stared at Ellie. "Is that… an owl?" She asked, but already knowing the answer.

"Yes. We, ah, train them. To carry letters. They're very intelligent animals. And this one already knows where the school is."

Ellie stared back at the owl without speaking. Of all the goodbye scenarios she had imagined, none of them had involved an owl.

The professor continued, "This is the gift. I know that we'll both be busy with school soon, but I thought that we could occasionally correspond this way, if you like. You'd have to feed her and clean her cage but I can give you everything you need to take care of her. You'll be able to get books from the school library now, of course, and we can still discuss them. Would you like to say hello?"

The question took Ellie by surprise. "Hello?"

"To the owl. She didn't come with a name so you'll have to think of one. You can give her a treat and pet her if you like." 

Before Ellie knew what was happening, he had opened the cage and put a few little owl treats in her hand, which the owl was gratefully gobbling up. She reached out with one finger and gently stroked the top of the owl's head. The owl closed her eyes in a satisfied way and hooted very quietly.

"Nomad" said Ellie. "I'll call her Nomad."


	3. A Continued Correspondence

As soon as the sorting ceremony was over, Severus went back to his apartment and wrote a letter to Ellie. It was short and he didn't have much to say but he wanted to start their long-distance friendship out on the right foot by writing to her right away. Like most people at Hogwarts, he used the school owls. The owlery was very busy with birds flying in and out for their nighttime activities, but he managed to find one who had already eaten and was ready for an overnight flight. It was so busy, in fact, that it wasn't until he had tied the letter to the owl's leg and watched her go that he realized he wasn't alone.

Dumbledore was standing deep in the shadows, with only the twinkling reflection of his half-moon spectacles giving him away. When Snape noticed him, he stepped forward with a smile and said, "Ah, hello, Severus. How strange to run into you here tonight. I was just thinking how nice it would be to talk to you after a long summer apart. Perhaps you would keep me company on the way back to my office? I'm afraid I have quite a bit more to do before I can settle in for the night."

Snape was skeptical of this airy tone, and he had a strong suspicion that the headmaster had been waiting for him in the owlery. He had been largely isolated from the wizarding world for the last few months in Spinner's end and although he hadn't deliberately kept Ellie's visits a secret, he knew that it was a risk to the statute of secrecy so he was not especially willing to let them become common knowledge. He could not really be surprised however if Dumbledore already knew. The headmaster always kept a close eye on him and it didn't seem worthwhile to stop his prying. He had put his life in Dumbledore's hands long ago.

Rather than delay the inevitable, Snape asked, "So how do you know about Ellie?"

Dumbledore smiled gently and replied, "Ah, is that her name? How lovely. I was, of course, aware that a young muggle girl had been making frequent visits to your residence this summer. I wonder, however, if it wouldn't be for the best to end your correspondence here."

Snape stopped on the stairs, forcing Dumbledore to turn around to continue the conversation. "No, I don't think that it would be for the best."

When Dumbledore turned around, he was no longer smiling. "If I was aware of the muggle girl, then you can be sure that other people will find out too. You do remember the role you have to play in the coming war, don't you? It would not be wise to be seen getting too close to those not in favor with Voldemort."

Snape was struck by the bluntness of the statement. Of course it was about the war. The war where Snape would be forced to spy and sneak and risk his life again. The war that may never actually come. When did Dumbledore ever talk to him about anything else? It was always about the role he would play in the coming war.

Seeing his still-defiant look, Dumbledore asked, "Is Ellie really worth jeopardizing everything?"

With complete sincerity, Snape replied, "Yes."

For a few moments, they sized each other up. The strength of this conviction surprised Snape as well. He couldn't bear the thought of cutting this lonely orphan girl out of his life. She needed him. Who else did she have? If he didn't write, would Miss Trumble comfort her? He doubted it. He had never cared for a student as deeply as he cared about her. She was brilliant and brave and cared more for him than Dumbledore ever had or would. Why should he spend the rest of his life waiting to be a weapon in an unlikely war, when there was a child who needed him now?

It was Dumbledore who finally broke the silence. "She looks a lot like Lily, doesn't she."

Snape exploded, "This isn't about Lily!"

"No," said Dumbledore, "It's about Harry. He needs your protection."

"So does Ellie."

Dumbledore paused and then lowered his eyes. "Tell no one else about her. And remember your purpose."

As he watched the headmaster walk away he resolved to send Ellie a letter every week, at least, and damn his purpose. 

 

Severus had many regrets in his life. But the one that had haunted him the most was allowing his friendship with Lily to crumble. He had watched it happening over his years at Hogwarts. He had seen it happening, but he had been unable - or unwilling - to stop it. Severus had joined up with the Death Eaters almost immediately after graduating. He was welcomed, and celebrated, and allowed to grow as he never had been before. And without Lily, there was nothing to hold him back.

For a few weeks, though, in his seventh year, he thought he might choose Lily over everything else the Dark Lord offered. That Christmas break was the happiest time in his tumultuous life, but perhaps among the saddest times for Lily. That autumn, both of their fathers had passed away. 

Severus was relieved when his father finally died after a prolonged stay in the hospital, which had robbed the family of their meager savings. His mother was relieved as well, but more reluctant to show it. After the poorly attended funeral, she decided to go stay with her sister in the country for a while, leaving their home to Severus. He didn't know it at the time, but she had never planned to return. She didn't want any reminders of the suffering she had endured at the hands of her husband for all those years. Severus was one of those reminders. He would rarely see his mother after that, but during that Christmas vacation, he was merely satisfied that they were both free.

Lily was devastated about her father's death. A sudden heart attack had taken Mr. Evans from her just days before she came home for break. She never got to say goodbye. When she found out, she came to Severus and their disagreements over the dark arts were forgotten. He held her and comforted her and they were closer than they had ever been. 

Severus thought this had fixed everything. He thought that they would get back to school and she would dump James and he would dump his Death Eater friends and they would just be happy together. But somewhere between their last night together and the train back to school, Lily changed her mind. On the train, she refused to even look at him. Over the next few days, she avoided all attempts at contact. Eventually Severus had to conclude that she didn't want anything to do with him.

Avery and Mulciber still wanted his company, though. The three of them were practically inseparable for the rest of the year. They brewed potions in secret and taught themselves magic beyond what their professors were willing to show them. Severus spared no thought for Lily or her Gryffindor friends, and focused on becoming the best wizard he could possibly be. When he graduated, he wasn't going to waste his time groveling for favors. When he joined the Death Eaters, he was determined to have his power recognized.

In the back of his mind, though, he could not entirely agree with the ideologies of his friends. And he had heard rumors that the back of your mind was not a safe place when you actually met the Dark Lord. So above all else, he focused his studies on occlumency. He somehow managed to do well on all his N.E.W.T.s in addition to his independent studies, and he felt unbeatable. Now that he had left Hogwarts, he could do everything and more.

Looking back on it, Severus called himself a fool. He had no idea what he was getting himself into. Did he really think it would be theory and practice and late-night whispered discussions forever? How could he have missed the obvious fact that he would be asked to use his skills against real people eventually? And when he was told to take care of someone, it was worse than he could have possibly imagined. It wasn't James or his father or anyone who really deserved a good beating. It was stupid muggles who didn't even know what they were being punished for. 

More and more, he feared that the Dark Lord would learn what he was thinking in the back of his mind. And he was in so deep that he knew there was no way out any more. His tasks became more dangerous and distasteful, but he was grateful that he did not have to kill. Somehow those tasks always fell to someone else. Perhaps the Dark Lord knew he didn't have the stomach for it. As he began to put more desperate effort into finding a way out than pleasing the Dark Lord, he was surpassed by Avery and Mulciber. Drunk on power, they left him in the dust, and he was finally able to see their true character.

They had only ever been his friends because he was powerful. Severus had always been more brilliant and talented, but now they had even stronger allies to latch onto. Severus was more alone than ever. He could have used this change in dynamic to get out, to be pushed out of the inner circle by his former friends. But his pride would not allow him to be demoted, and he became determined to surpass his classmates again, whatever the cost.

He bided his time, waiting for an opportunity to impress that didn't involve the killing curse. He kept his mind locked tight and expertly played the power dynamics among the inner circle. A chance finally presented itself when he overheard a prophecy that involved the Dark Lord. Surely this would earn his Lord's favor, without dirtying his hands? He was almost right.

Again, the older Snape cursed his foolish younger self. He got so caught up in the game that he forgot the stakes. When he realized that he had betrayed Lily, the one person who he wanted to protect, the game was over. And he would spend the rest of his life trying to make amends.

 

After the first night in the owlery, Dumbledore did not confront Snape again. When he got his first response from Ellie, he kept Nomad until he could write a reply, and then sent Nomad back with the letter and instructions to always find him in his apartments rather than the great hall in the future. Between all of his classes, Snape found time to write a letter once a week, as did Ellie. They continued to talk about books and whatever else Snape deemed safely non-magical to discuss.

Ellie said that school wasn't so awful this year. She was allowed to go to a real middle school (After skipping a grade), rather than Miss Trumble's classes. She had just turned 10 in August and all her classmates were turning 12 this year, but the social isolation was nothing new. She liked the librarian and her homework kept her busy. At the end of September, though, they started trying to find a foster home for her again. The first one was a rich family on the other side of town, but they asked her to leave after she broke their fancy plates. Then she spent a total of three days with a couple right next door to her school, but they had two other foster kids who didn't get along with Ellie so she left there too. She confided that she didn't even bother packing all her stuff each time. She just had a duffel bag with some clothes and toiletries (and of course, books) that she brought to each of the temporary homes.

Snape wrote about his favorite students and the unusually hot weather they were having that season. He also advised her on how to live with difficult people. She found his advice of hiding in a cupboard and covering your ears to be funny, although he had meant it seriously. However much she complained, Snape was relieved that it was never bad enough to hide in a cupboard, so at least it was better than how he grew up. He wondered if anyone had ever hit her, but he was afraid to ask, and he doubted that she would have told him the truth if she had been physically abused. Most kids kept it to themselves. Snape certainly had.

By mid-November, they had pretty much exhausted all the foster family possibilities within commuting distance to her school. Severus and Ellie were closer than ever. In one letter, Ellie asked him if he would be coming home for Christmas.

This was a strange question for Severus. With the exception of the three years he spent as a Death Eater, he had spent all his Christmases at Hogwarts. It was typical for most of the teachers to stay, and he had never really thought of returning to Spinner's End as "coming home." Even as a student, he had been one of the few who elected to stay in the dorms during the holidays. But suddenly he wanted to "go home." He was on the verge of writing an invitation for Ellie to join him for Christmas dinner when he thought of Dumbledore.

His absence at Hogwarts would not go unnoticed. People would talk about it. And as much as he hated to admit it, being friendly with muggles put him in a lot of danger. Even if the Dark Lord never returned, his old friends would not appreciate his change in attitude.

It had been so much easier when he actually hated muggles. His father was the only one he knew, for the longest time, because his mother didn't let him out of the house to go to muggle school or play with muggle children in their neighborhood. And then when he entered magical society he had no reason to talk to them. So in his head they were all drunk and mean like his father and his father's friends.

Ellie was still the only muggle he could call a friend. The only other living muggle he had really talked to was Miss Trumble, who wasn't that great either. If he rejoined the Dark Lord's ranks, as Dumbledore wanted, he would still be able to sneer when they mentioned muggles. All he had to do was summon up the memory of a bunch of alcoholic factory workers kicking him around for laughs. But mixed in there, he would also be thinking of Ellie, and that could dangerously affect his performance. Rumors of him returning to his muggle hometown for holidays when Hogwarts was still open would plant a seed of doubt that he didn't need.

So he had to write to Ellie and tell her that he wasn't coming back till June. He promised to send a gift though. More than anything, he wished that he could explain the actual situation to her, but he knew it was impossible. The statute of secrecy was stuffy and outdated, but not altogether unreasonable. And she had such a scientific mind that telling her about magic would just disappoint her. And there was no point in explaining the rest of it if he couldn't explain magic.

It was two and a half weeks before he got a response. He had assumed it was because Ellie was angry, and he was on the verge of sending another letter when he finally got a response. She wasn't angry. They had found a new foster family for her, and they were actually really nice! But they didn't like animals, so she was taking care of Nomad in secret. It took her a while to sneak all her owl stuff from the Home to the shed behind her new house. Nomad was living there now and seemed happy enough, but it was hard to find time to write a letter with all of that. She said that she was excited to celebrate Christmas with this family though.

Snape was surprised and relieved that she liked her new foster family. He asked lots of questions about them in his next letter. Her response was so detailed that her weekly book analysis was crammed onto just a few lines on the back page. She was living with Mr. and Mrs. Clarke, an older couple whose youngest child had just gone off to a foreign university. Apparently they were feeling lonely without any children to care for, so they decided to foster a child. They were strict about house rules, but as long as Ellie was careful, they doted on her. Ellie also described their house (clean), their library (decent), their garden (fruitful), and their neighborhood (friendly) in excruciating detail.

Severus wrote back with even more questions, and congratulated her on finding such a great home. He also gave Nomad a small parcel to carry, containing her Christmas gift. It was just some stationary and a new quill. It was a little bit of a selfish gift, but Snape thought that Ellie would be more likely to interpret it as a touching gesture. Besides, muggles were always fascinated by quills. He wasn't sure why they had fallen out of fashion when everyone seemed to love them so much.

Severus didn't get a response from Ellie until well after new years, but when he did get her letter it was the longest ever. She used several pages of her new stationary to explain every detail of her holiday, including the three-course Christmas dinner, each book she read, and her increasingly risky tactics to sneak treats to Nomad every day. She also thanked Snape for the gift and promised to write more often.

Her next response came even slower than the last, though. It was February before the disappointingly short letter arrived. She was still living with the Clarkes, but the excitement had worn off. She now found their strict cleanliness rules stifling, but she was trying to keep her head down and do as she was told, as Snape had advised. Besides, they would take her out for ice cream sometimes and that made up for a lot. Nomad was restless though, so she asked Snape to let her fly around and enjoy herself for a few days before sending her back with a letter.

Despite her promise to write more, Snape waited for six weeks before Nomad returned, looking a little worse for wear. This time it was only a few lines long and didn't mention any books at all. It contained only a vague desire to return to the orphanage and a request that Snape take care of Nomad for a while, since Ellie hadn't had the time to properly take care of her. Snape couldn't argue with that, so he spent a week or so giving Nomad lots of treats and attention before sending another letter.

In this letter, he told Ellie to write back within the week, no matter what, because he was worried about her. It was a testament to how much their relationship had grown that he was able to write that so directly. Had he ever just said directly, "I'm worried about you" without shrouding it in excuses and explanations? But he was worried. As busy as he was with classes, he still found plenty of time to worry about Ellie and the Clarkes.

This time, she did write back after only a few days, and she seemed much cheerier. The Clarkes were still being nice to her and she definitely liked it better than the orphanage but she felt obliged to help with chores and things, which was getting in the way of her homework and her reading. She'd decided to take a break from reading for a little while to compensate. Since she skipped a grade, her teachers had high expectations of her and she didn't want to disappoint them. Snape understood this and felt a little guilty for having given her even more work to do. He decided to save his book recommendations for the summer. 

In his next letter, he said that she didn't need to write so many letters if they were a burden to her. After three weeks with no response, though, he regretted this. A week into May, he sent a follow-up letter with a school owl. Then another one the next week. And the next. He would be back in Spinner's end in just a few more weeks, but he was impatient to hear from her and was beginning to worry again. 

They had never discussed her summer plans in their letters. The neighborhood she had described was pretty far away, so she wouldn't be able to walk to his house every day like she did last summer. But surely she would still want to find some time to visit him? He couldn't imagine visiting her foster home with its neat garden and buffed floors. She seemed so happy with the Clarkes. It was possible that she just didn't need Snape anymore. It hurt to think that, but he had to acknowledge the truth of it. He had taken on a role in her life that resembled a parent, and so had the Clarkes.

He tried to be patient and wait for her response, but the jealousy, anger, and frustration kept bubbling up and exploding at odd moments. In the week leading up to finals he kept lashing out at students and sending them into hysterics, which he felt a little guilty about, but also provided a genuinely satisfying sense of relief. 

At the end-of-term feast, Severus did not enjoy a single moment. Even Slytherin winning the house cup (again) didn't provide an adequate distraction. He was impatient for it to be over so he could go home and check on Ellie in person. Tomorrow he still had to make sure all his students got on the train, do final dorm inspections, write end-of-year reports, and make polite conversation with other teachers for hours before he would be allowed to leave. He normally dragged this process on for as long as he could, but for once he was in the mood to just leave. 


	4. Magic

He didn't have to wait long. As the students were dismissed and began their noisy exit from the hall, a deep and penetrative silence gripped Severus. His body exploded with pain and his vision blurred. He may have gasped or screamed, but he couldn't hear himself. All he heard was one unbearably loud and terrified voice scream, "Help me!"

As quickly as it came, the pain left and the sounds of the room came rushing back in. None of the students noticed anything, but Dumbledore was looking at Snape curiously. Without acknowledging the look, Snape swept out the side door and broke into a run. There was no good way to get out of the castle quickly, but if he could just get to his office he could use floo powder to get to his home in Spinner's end and then apparate to…

There was no doubt. The voice had been Ellie's, and it had been urgent. Snape didn't have time to think about how she was able to contact him. The important thing was to find her as quickly as possible. He cursed himself for not going to find her in person weeks ago. Had his letters even been delivered? Her last known location was the Clarkes', so he would start there.

As he stepped into the green flames, he tried to think of somewhere near their neighborhood that he knew well enough to apparate to. As soon as he stepped onto the hearth he turned on the spot and apparated to a street corner he vaguely remembered. It was close enough. The quiet, dark, neighborhood felt oddly sinister. He could feel his heart pumping in his ears as he ran down the street checking house numbers. He pulled up short at a small, neat home with a luscious garden out front. The windows were dark. How long had it been since Ellie called him? 15 minutes? More? 

He reached for the doorknob and it unlocked under his hand without him even trying. Snape hadn't lost control of his magic since he was a child, and this was no time to start. He paused for a full 30 seconds, breathing deeply and slowing his heart rate, then opened the door. The house seemed empty, so he took out his want and muttered, " _ lumos _ ." He walked through the house, carefully checking each room. They were all dark and empty, but there was a room containing Ellie's things, so she must have still been living there.

In a desperate attempt to find some evidence of her location, Snape started checking the cupboards. Then he checked the pantry. He almost didn't notice it, but behind a stack of plastic drawers in the closet there was a small door with a padlock. Like everything else in the house, it was perfectly clean. But why would you need to put a padlock on a closet or a basement door inside the house? With a sick feeling, he moved the drawers out of the way and unlocked the door with his wand.

The door opened onto a narrow staircase leading down into what must be the basement. Severus called out softly, "Ellie? Are you down there?" There was no response but there was a small rustling sound. He cautiously descended, trying to mentally prepare himself for whatever he was about to see. The wand-light illuminated a large unfinished cellar with neat stacks of boxes going all the way up to the ceiling. He walked down the narrow aisle between the stacks until he reached the back wall, then turned and saw her.

 

Ellie was crouched in the corner with her back to the wall. She was expecting to see Mr. Clarke coming around the corner to bring her back upstairs, but this person was clearly not Mr. Clarke. He was wearing a strange black cloak and carrying a weird, narrow torch in front of him. As he drew closer, she stood up so she could see his face. With sudden recognition, she whispered, "Professor?"

The professor's eyes brimmed over with tears and he silently rushed forward to embrace her. They stood like that for a moment, just enjoying the relief of their reunion. Then he stepped back and started waving the torch like a scanner over her body. She didn't understand it, but he seemed satisfied with his observations. He took her hand and led her upstairs. Ellie thought that he would take her outside immediately, but he stopped in Ellie's bedroom to hastily pack her bag first.

Outside, they walked in silence for a long while. The farther they got from the Clarkes' house, the better she felt. Soon they were out of the quiet residential area and walking through the factory district towards Snape's home. She had a million questions to ask and she was sure that the Professor had questions for her as well, based on his look of deep contemplation, but neither of them were willing to break the silence. It took over an hour to get home, but Ellie didn't feel worn out by the walk. She was still in a daze, but she needed to talk before resting.

Inside, Ellie sat on the couch and Snape wrapped a blanket around her. As Snape walked around lighting candles, Ellie noticed how dusty the room had become while it was unoccupied for the last year. It was oddly comforting, after her six month stay with the clean-freaks from hell. Finally Snape sat down in the armchair in front of her, with a serious look that said, "We need to talk now."

Ellie decided to start. "What are you wearing?"

Evidently Snape did not expect this to be her first question, because he stared at her open-mouthed for a few seconds before answering, "Robes. This is the dress code where I work. That's where I was when you called for me. You… you did call for me, didn't you?"

This was Ellie's turn to be surprised. "Yes! I mean, in my head. When he locked me in the dark, I wished you would come help me. But I didn't say anything. How did you hear me?"

Snape's expression changed from surprise to relief, and then to joy too quickly to follow. He answered, "Magic. Mine or yours I don't know. But it was definitely magic."

Ellie looked confused but Snape said, "Don't worry about that for now. Just tell me what happened."

Ellie started from the beginning. At first the Clarkes at been the perfect family. Like most foster parents, they lay down the rules right away. They seemed strict but fair. The longer she stayed there, though, the worse the punishments got. At first when she left her clothes on the floor they would just yell a bit. But then the next day they would be happily helping her with her homework again. But the next time she didn't make her bed, she got a slap on the hand and no dinner. They apologized the next day, though, and bought her ice cream to make up for it.

95% of the time they were great. But the other 5% of the time they just got more and more mean. Eventually they decided that if she couldn't follow the rules like a good girl, then she could sleep in the basement. Ellie felt like she should have told someone, but even with the punishments they were the best family she ever had. She didn't want to trade in her big bed and fresh vegetables for another stint in the Home. It was worth the punishments.

At least, until they found out about Nomad. When they came in one night to check on Ellie and found an owl eating a dead mouse on the desk, they freaked out. Mr Clarke tried to hit Nomad with a broom but the owl flew out the window before he could get a good whack in. So Mrs. Clarke took the broom and hit Ellie instead.

After that she spent every night in the basement and was only let out for school. She'd spent the last two weeks trying to get enough evidence of her abuse to convince people that this sweet old couple wasn't really that sweet. She'd tried to tell two of her teachers but they just thought she was being ungrateful. After all, the Clarkes had been kind enough to take a difficult orphan child into their home and provide for her. Every day at school she would see Nomad sitting outside in the tree in the school's courtyard, but Ellie didn't dare approach her. Still, it was a comfort that she hadn't been hurt.

This had been the last day of school, and when they locked her in the basement tonight, they said that she wouldn't be allowed out again until September. That is when she wished for Professor Snape to come rescue her.

Snape didn't show the pity that Ellie had been expecting. Rather, his anger seemed to grow with each word Ellie said. Ellie prefered anger to pity. Anger meant action. He promised to explain the situation to Miss Trumble the next day and make sure that the Clarkes never got to be near another child again. To Ellie, this seemed to be the end of things. He had rescued her and now he was going to make everything right again. But Snape wanted to know more about the moment she had called for help.

Ellie didn't want to think about it. It was too weird. When she closed her eyes and screamed for help in her mind, it made her tired, almost as if she really had shouted. And the Professor really had come, almost right away. There was no logical explanation for it. And magic, of course, was not a real explanation. She had never been one to dream of fairy godmothers. And if she did have a fairy godmother, she definitely would not have looked like Snape. She pushed away the thought that his torch had looked a lot like a wand. 

"Ellie. Ellie!"

She was startled out of her reverie. "What?"

"I asked if you had ever experienced anything like that before. Have you ever lost control of your emotions and made something happen without meaning to? Or have you ever really wished for something and had it come true?"

Ellie tried not to think of Brian Bunt and the blocks. "I don't lose control of my emotions very often" she said, instead of really answering.

Snape muttered to himself, "Yes that would make it hard to tell then, wouldn't it… The headmaster would know though."

 

The Professor leapt out of his chair. He just remembered that he had left the school without telling anyone, including the headmaster. They would have no idea why he left so suddenly, and he couldn't leave Ellie alone now to go back. He would have to get a message to Dumbledore somehow and get him to come here. Just then, something tapped on the window.

"Nomad!" Ellie ran to open the window so the owl could fly in. She seemed sleek and healthy. The wild life suited her more than frequent owl treats. 

"Perfect timing." said Snape. "I need to send a letter. Are you up for an express delivery?"

The owl dutifully landed on the top of the armchair and stuck out her leg. Snape scribbled a quick note, tied it on, and told her, "For Albus Dumbledore. As quick as you can."

Owls in the wizarding world had ways of getting places very quickly, he knew. Usually there was no need, but on occasion he had seen letters delivered across the country in minutes. He had never been willing to ask how. Even owls, he supposed, were allowed to have secrets.

Ellie seemed ready to sleep now, so he sent her upstairs, promising to take care of things in the morning. He might even have to deal with the muggle police, which was never good news for a wizard, but getting the ministry of Magic to handle it for him would be even worse. He'd requested that Dumbledore approach the house from the outside, rather than through the fireplace, in case he was wrong about his suspicions. But the most likely explanation for the events of tonight was that Ellie was a witch.

This changed everything. She was turning 11 this summer, so if she was a witch she would be able to attend Hogwarts in September. He could tell her about what he really taught. She could read all the magic books on the top shelf. And best of all, she wouldn't spend another year bouncing between foster homes.

Just after midnight, Dumbledore arrived and Severus explained the situation. Each summer, the Ministry provided Hogwarts with a list of muggle-born children who had been detected doing magic and would be turning 11 before September 1st. Typically one of the Professors would visit each child in person to deliver their acceptance letters. Snape had never volunteered to do this, of course, and Dumbledore would not have allowed it if he had. But for the first time he needed to see the list, to see if Ellie was on it.

"I didn't see anyone named Ellie on the list, Severus."

"Well look again! Maybe they got her name wrong. Or maybe they missed her. There must be some way to tell, though."

"Severus, Hogwarts is protected by layers upon layers of ancient spells to prevent magical penetration. A witch that young simply doesn't have enough power to break through, especially by accident. Don't you find it more likely that you did something, some nonverbal spell to reach her? Many of the protections go only one way."

"I would know if I had."

"You admitted to losing control of your magic once tonight already. Any you were thinking of her at the time. Love can overcome the control of even the best wizards."

For years the headmaster had been trying to convince Severus that Love was the most powerful magic in the world, but Severus had never believed it. Tonight, however, it rang true. "If my love is strong enough to reach her, then hers is strong enough to reach me."

Dumbledore smiled consolingly, "I don't want you to be disappointed if she is only a muggle. But it is clear you share a special bond. If I may borrow your fire, I will be back with the list momentarily."

The list had about 20 names and addresses. On his first skim-through of the list he didn't see an Ellie, and his heart dropped. Maybe she wasn't there because her birthday was at the very end of August and they thought she was too young? He looked through the list again though, this time checking the addresses.

His eyes stopped on his familiar hometown. And there was her name. Eileen Nihil. He signed with relief and handed the list back to Dumbledore. "It's a nickname. She's there. Eileen."

The headmaster raised his eyebrows. "Well there it is. This situation is not typical, of course, but I presume that you would like to be the one to tell her?"

"Yes, I think that would be for the best. I don't think she'll believe me, at first. But there were some things she didn't tell me before. This might explain them for her. Do you have the book list and letter? I'd like to do it properly."

"Of course. And now it is well past time for us to sleep. No need to return to the castle now, but when you have a chance in the next few days I do need those end-of term reports."

Severus grimaced. It was hard to think of his teaching responsibilities with everything on his mind, but he didn't have much choice. 

He had never really wanted to be a teacher. He had first applied on the Dark Lord's orders, and then he had stayed because Dumbledore demanded it. If he tried to leave, he was almost sure that Dumbledore would stop him. No matter how many years he spent in Dumbledore's service, he would never really be trusted.

 

The next morning was clear and bright and beautiful and full of chirping birds. Ellie felt like everything was right again. Or maybe it was right for the first time. The guest bed was wonderfully soft and comfortable, and she wondered how she could have ever judged the dinginess of this house when it was so clearly the best house in the world. Rooms should have dust, she decided. There was nothing as beautiful as early morning sunlight illuminating the dust in the air.

She wasn't quite sure how the Professor would fix everything, but she knew he would find a way. She hoped it wouldn't involve the police, although his eyewitness testimony might be enough evidence to win a case. The officers scared her though. Whenever an orphan became too big of a troublemaker an officer would take them away to an institution. The institutions were also called homes sometimes, but Ellie knew there was a difference. Homes were for for victims and institutions were for delinquents. The delinquents were kids too though, no matter what they did, so she didn't like the officers. There were internal lists of fostering volunteers and people who were banned from the list though. That would be enough. She would never have to go back there and neither would anyone else.

When she came downstairs, the Professor was making breakfast. He was wearing normal clothes again. They ate quietly, but contentedly. While he was washing up, though, he kept washing the same plate over and over, like he wasn't really thinking about what he was doing. Ellie thought that this was because of him needing to confront Miss Trumble or the Clarkes today, but he said that he had something else to talk to her about first, so they sat down in the library to chat.

"Last night, after you went to bed, the headmaster of my school came here. You have been offered admission to our school." He picked up a sealed envelope from the side table, but didn't move to hand it to her.

Ellie didn't know what to say. She hadn't sent in an application, so Snape must have done it for her. She'd always thought of herself as exceptionally intelligent, so she wasn't surprised that she could get into an elite private boarding school. But she didn't have any money. Would Miss Trumble be able to pay for it with the little stipend she got for Ellie each month? Would she even be allowed to go away if she was a ward of the state? Her foster parents had needed special permission just to take her to another county. Before she could wrap her head around all of this and say "thank you," or possibly "no thank you," Snape continued.

"I'm sure I have told you before that this is a school for uniquely gifted children. But it is time for you to know what those… gifts… are. It is related to what happened yesterday, when you called for help." He paused, as if he was waiting for her to say something, but Ellie couldn't imagine what.

"You have been offered admission to Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. A school of magic."

Ellie opened her mouth dumbly. The professor looked so serious and nervous that he couldn't possibly be talking about card tricks. Maybe she had misheard. "Magic?" she asked, hoping for a different answer.

She was sure that Snape had noticed the look of incredulity on her face. She had never seen him look so nervous before. She hadn't laughed in his face, but he looked like that's what he feared.

"I know this may be hard to believe. But you are a witch, and I am a teacher at a school for magic. Would you like to see?"

"See what?"

"Magic."

He pulled something out of his pocket. This was the torch he had used yesterday, but in the light of day it was clearly supposed to be a wand. She looked at it closely and didn't see an opening for a bulb or a switch or anything. He held it straight up, twirling it in a little circle, and some red sparks flew out. She couldn't imagine how he did it, so she said, "It's a trick."

"It's not a trick. You have these powers too, and you will learn to use them at Hogwarts. Here, look.  _ Accio book _ ." He pointed the wand at the top of a bookshelf and one of the books jumped of the shelf and landed in his hand. 

She took it from him carefully, afraid it might fly away again. It was an old leather-bound volume called "Book of Spells." Ellie opened it to a random page in the middle and began to read aloud, "The revealing charm can be used to show the user any hidden writing or properties of a small to medium sized object. This charm is easily fooled by a number of counter-charms and binding spells, but it is nonetheless a useful place to start. Its effectiveness varies by the type and strength of the concealing charm it seeks to undo. Since many binding spells degrade with age, this charm is commonly used by curse-breakers and historians on ancient objects."

Ellie looked at Snape to see if he found this at all funny, but he clearly didn't. Instead, he said, "A variation of that revealing charm is also used by potion-makers to identify disparate ingredients in a poison so one can correctly brew an antidote."

Ellie sat for a while, looking down at the book in her lap. He had said yesterday that it was magic that brought him to her. And it did look like he had just done some magic, although she was sure that both of his tricks could be done in perfectly mundane ways as well. And if this was a joke, it was far too elaborate, and not at all funny. 90% of Ellie was saying, "don't be stupid, there is no such thing as magic." but the other 10% was saying, "It would be stupid to ignore the evidence right in front of you in order to stubbornly hold onto your previous limited worldview." A negligible percentage of Ellie was struggling to point out that Ellie had definitely done magic before but she had repressed the memories to the point of almost forgetting them. Eventually she unified her mind and said, "You aren't really a chemistry teacher, are you."

The professor looked relieved and handed her the envelope, saying "No, I teach potions. Most wizards find no need for chemistry."

Ellie carefully opened the envelope and took out several thick pieces of parchment. The first was a letter from the headmaster, congratulating her on her admission and explaining, as Snape had just done, that she was a witch and she would learn to use and control her powers at Hogwarts starting this September. The second page was a list of books and supplies that she would need for school. She couldn't imagine herself wearing robes like the ones she saw yesterday, but if that was the uniform she would have to get used to it. She was also relieved to see owls on the approved pets list. As for the rest of the strange things there, she was sure that Professor Snape would help her later. 

The third page, to her even greater relief, was an offer of financial assistance. She guessed that "galleons" were money, because the list said that they would be enough for her to buy all her books and supplies, if she shopped secondhand.

When she finished reading, the professor asked, "Well?"

"Well what?"

"Do you want to accept the offer of admission?"

"I - what - yes, of course. I mean, I think so." she stuttered. She hadn't realized she had a choice. She'd never been allowed to say no to a housing placement before. Even skipping a grade and going to the middle school had been organized and enforced by Miss Trumble. But holding the letter in her hands, she knew she wouldn't say no. "This is real" she said.

It hadn't been a question, but the Professor nodded anyway, "This is real." He looked at his watch and stood up. "I need to take you back now. I'm going to tell Miss Trumble about Hogwarts as well as everything else."

"What if she doesn't want me to go?"

He smirked slightly and said, "I'll convince her."

Something clicked for her and she asked, "You can't use magic on her, can you? Is that allowed?"

He started toward the door and gestured for her to follow, "There are special exceptions made in extraordinary circumstances, but in general, no, you shouldn't use magic to control people. And underage witches such as yourself are not to use magic outside of school at all."

Ellie must have looked disappointed as he closed the door behind them, because he said, "Don't worry. There is a lot you can learn from books before you even get a wand. There are some things I should show you this summer before you start school anyway. I assume you'd like to continue our arrangement from last summer?"

That was exactly what she wanted. She grinned up at him and he smiled back, briefly, before setting off at a brisk walk toward the Home. There are had never been two days as different as today and yesterday, thought Ellie. Yesterday she was powerless and alone, and today she was a witch. She liked the way that sounded in her head. It fit, somehow, like a piece of her identity had been missing. Ellie the witch.


	5. Questions and Answers

Severus was able to explain things to Miss Trumble without any magic at all. It made perfect sense to her that a bright young girl like Ellie had been granted special admission to a prestigious school. She seemed very proud, but lamented the fact that she couldn't provide a good enough education to Ellie here at the Home. Snape was forced to reevaluate his feelings for Miss Trumble. She really was trying her best with these children, but had limited resources. She actually cried when he informed her of the conditions Ellie endured at the Clarke's home. Snape thought that righteous anger would be more useful than crying, but at least she was easy to manipulate. If there was a police investigation he would have to explain how he broke into their house. And how he knew to come. And how Ellie had been contacting him all along. And also explain why he didn't exist in most of their systems. No it was best to keep this internal, and Miss Trumble assured him that they would never get their hands on another child as long as she lived.

Snape also asked permission to have Ellie come over each day for preparatory lessons, which Miss Trumble was happy to allow. But then Miss Trumble surprised him by asking if he would like to foster Ellie for the summer. 

She said that it would make the paperwork easier for September if Snape acted as a continuing foster parent, rather than having the school itself take responsibility for Ellie. Snape decided that he should consult with Dumbledore first. He was sure that he didn't have the requisite proof of income and housing that the muggle government would need to approve him as a foster parent. But the Ministry must have some way of allowing orphans to attend Hogwarts, or she wouldn't be on the list. He evaded Miss Trumble's question by saying he would need to talk to Ellie about it first. She had said, "Oh that's sweet. I'll let you two talk about it, of course. But I think you'd be a wonderful foster parent."

Severus had never been called sweet before, and he sincerely doubted that anyone at Hogwarts would believe he could be a good parent, foster or otherwise. But he was strangely moved by Miss Trumble's vote of confidence anyway. He spent the afternoon rushing through his Hogwarts end-of-term obligations and hurriedly delivered them to Hogwarts, which was closing down for the summer. Most of the professors had already gone home, but Filch, the caretaker, and Hagrid, the groundskeeper were as busy as ever with their daily tasks. The house elves were even busier, running around making repairs and cleaning dust before it even had a chance to settle. Deprived of their usual cooking responsibilities, they make it their personal mission each summer to make the castle look as perfect as the day it was first built. The castle always felt eerie, though, when the students were gone, if only because the majority of residents were now ghosts. Dumbledore was not in his office, so Severus simply left a note on his desk saying that he would like to talk when there was a chance. They had all summer to work things out.

When Ellie came over for their first lesson the next day, Severus told her, "I don't usually get involved with the muggle-born admission process, so I'm not sure how Hogwarts students are accounted for in the muggle legal systems. The headmaster will inform us, I'm sure." That had been the easy part. He continued as best he could, "This summer, you could… That is, Miss Trumble suggested… You could stay here, with me, as my - of course you don't have to, and you could come to Hogwarts in September regardless. Visiting is fine, but only if you wanted to…" His speech sort of sputtered out and he let the unfinished thought hang there.

"Do you mean… you could be my foster father?"

It sounded much more serious when she said it that way. Father. Why had parent sounded so much more distant, so much more manageable? Father. That had nothing to do with legal technicalities or making lunches or staying in the guest bedroom. That was something else entirely. Father. That wasn't just the summer tutor role he had volunteered for. That was…

That was rescuing her from an abusive home. That was writing letters every week and worrying about her, constantly. That was buying an expensive and magical owl just to keep in touch with her, risking extreme legal repercussions. That was ignoring the request of the wisest man he knew to persist in their correspondence, at the potential peril of the entire wizarding world. Father. He liked it.

"Yes, I could be your foster father."

She smiled brightly, and some of her premature world-weariness washed away. "I would like that very much, professor. But I have a question. What does 'muggle' mean?"

Snape explained. He spent the next few days explaining various aspects of wizard culture and how Hogwarts classes worked and other things that she needed to know before entering the wizarding world. It reminded him a lot of his friendship with Lily before their first year. They too had spent long summer days talking about magic. He knew a lot more now, though, which was a good thing because Ellie asked a lot of questions that were hard to answer.

"Why are we - I mean they - called muggles? Where did the word come from? What's the difference between a spell and a charm? What makes a plant "magic" rather than just weird and rare? Why is Astronomy required but divination isn't? Why do only wizards use wands? Why was I able to use magic without a wand but adult wizards can't? Why are non-verbal spells harder? Why are there different words for witches and wizards? Who made all these spells and why are they all in Latin? Can you make new spells? Do THEY have to be in Latin?"

It went on and on like this for hours. Frequently he had to admit that he just didn't have the answers to most of her why questions. She didn't seem bothered by this, though, and kept going with the rapid fire questions. She also asked for frequent demonstrations. He hadn't put much effort into his wand magic in recent years, and was pleased to find that his skills hadn't deteriorated. She would pull down spell books at random, read about a spell, and then ask him to perform it. He emphasized that she wouldn't be able to do most of these spells right away, and many of them were so difficult that some wizards never mastered them. He sometimes became exasperated and snapped at her when he got tired of answering questions, but this didn't seem to lessen her enjoyment of it. 

She was so serious about everything she asked, like she was trying to cram a lifetime of knowledge into one summer. Upon reflection, that is was probably exactly what she was doing. If she had been raised by wizards, she would have known most of these things already. Even so, the depth of her questions went beyond what most people ask. Growing up with magic, Snape realized that he took a lot for granted. She would be a good Ravenclaw, he thought, although he would be a little disappointed if she didn't end up in his house. She certainly had the ambition for it, but Ravenclaw could be a good fit too.

Severus received an owl from Dumbledore saying that he had gone abroad for some important Hogwarts business, but he would come see Snape in a few weeks when he returned. Ellie was eager to go to Diagon Alley and get her things, but they needed to wait for Dumbledore to access the Hogwarts student vault at Gringotts. There was plenty of general wizarding knowledge to be gained before delving into any school books. 

After a week or so of non-stop vocal education, Snape needed a break so he started assigning her books to read. Many of the volumes on his shelf pertained to the Dark Arts, so he was careful to recommend only age-appropriate reading, for now. She devoured book after book on wizard history, taking a special interest in books that talked about Hogwarts. Most of the collection had belonged to Eileen Prince, so there was very little on modern times, for which Snape was grateful. He knew that he would have to explain his role in the last wizarding war at some point, but he was taking any excuse he could to delay the conversation.

Eventually, he allowed Ellie to visit him in his basement lab, to observe him making potions. There were a few potions that took months to brew but required frequent attention, so he dedicated his summers to those projects. Potions was one form of magic that couldn't be detected by the trace on Ellie, so Snape allowed her to help a little. He couldn't risk the integrity of the potion by allowing an untrained witch to have a large hand in it, but she could learn a lot just from watching. After a few days of this, though. she insisted that she was ready to brew her own potions. 

He set her up in the corner with her own cauldron and instructions for a simple potion that he often taught in the first year. It was her first experience doing actual magic, and she couldn't have been more excited about it. Even with minimal supervision, she did an excellent job. 

By mid-July, Ellie had acquired a truly stunning array of knowledge, and was back to asking difficult questions. She wanted to know every detail about every ingredient in the potion she had made, and how they combined to make something greater than the whole. Snape was very proud. These were the exact questions that had made him such an excellent potions student when he was at Hogwarts. He set her a book to read containing hundreds of ingredients and their uses in potion making. He had discovered it as a student because it was listed as a primary source for the Potions textbook he was assigned in his first year. 

They were eating lunch and quietly reading their own books when an owl arrived from Dumbledore, saying that he would be arriving by floo powder shortly with a guest. Snape hadn't expected him to come so suddenly, and he had been planning to talk to him alone first before bringing Ellie into the conversation, but if Dumbledore said he was coming then there was no changing his mind now.

He and Ellie rushed through their lunch and moved to the parlor to await the Headmaster's arrival. He thought that Ellie would be nervous to meet a new wizard (the first other than himself), but she was oddly stoic. He had grown so used to their openness together that he had forgotten her behavior when they first met. This was her public face, then. Snape had his own public face, infinitely more serious than the one he used at home. Not knowing who Dumbledore was bringing along, this was the face he put on.

Professor Dumbledore stepped through the green flames, closely followed by a short, dignified witch he had never seen before. She had a gently lined face and thin streaks of silver shot through her raven-black hair. She had a stern sort of look about her, vaguely reminiscent of Minerva. The delicate yellow sari she was wearing contrasted the look perfectly. Here was a woman who knew how serious the world was, and chose to wear a sun-colored garment anyway. Professor Dumbledore was wearing a fine set of purple dress robes, as if he had just come from a party. Snape snuck a look at Ellie from the corner of his eye, to see if she wash shocked by the striking pair that had just emerged from the fireplace, but she betrayed no hint of this. Once she accepted the existence of magic, it seemed, she was ready to accept anything.

Brushing the ash off his sleeves, Dumbledore said, "So good to see you again, Severus. I do apologize for the delay. Professor Morningdale decided at the last minute not to renew his contract so we were in a bit of a pickle. May I introduce you to Professor Mohini Kamat, former headmistress of the Karnataka School of Magic? She has graciously decided to take a year out of her well-earned retirement to take over the Defense Against the Dark Arts post at Hogwarts."

She held out her hand for Snape to shake, saying, "A pleasure."

He took her hand briefly and answered, "likewise."

Dumbledore smiled gaily, perfectly aware of the fact that Snape was not at all pleased to make her acquaintance. He had gone all the way to India to bully an old woman out of retirement rather than let Snape take up the post. Snape had to admit that being the former headmistress of one of the the finest wizarding schools in Asia was an impressive credential, but the Dark Arts varied greatly by country, and he thought that Hogwarts students would be better served by learning to defend themselves against the threats at home. No one knew more about British Dark Arts than Snape. This, of course, was exactly why Dumbledore refused to hire him for the post.

Eager to change the topic, Snape pushed Ellie forward saying, "Ellie, I would like you to meet Professor Dumbledore, the headmaster of Hogwarts. And… Professor Kamat, who will be one of your teachers this year. Albus, Professor Kamat, this is Ellie, an incoming first year at Hogwarts."

Ellie politely shook each of their hands, saying, "Good to meet you."

Snape invited them to sit while he got them drinks. Professor Dumbledore took the armchair, so Ellie was left to share the tiny sofa with her new Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher. After serving drinks, Snape leaned on the mantelpiece and listened to them chat about this and that. Dumbledore largely carried the conversation himself, talking about how much he enjoyed his trip abroad, and what a shame that flying carpets weren't popular in Britain, and similar trivialities that neither Snape, nor Ellie, nor even Professor Kamat, were prepared to properly engage with.

Satisfied with small talk, Dumbledore turned to business. Placing a small sack on the table, he said, "I took the liberty of picking up your gold on the way here. Professor Snape has already volunteered to bring you to Diagon Alley, so I will let him handle it from here. You have anticipated some issues with the muggle legal system, of course, but there is no need to worry. A little magic goes a long way among muggles, and we have systems in place. I won't pretend that it is common to admit students from orphanages, but you are certainly not the first."

"It's a Community Home. Nobody calls it an orphanage anymore. And what about when the new Children's Act comes into effect?" said Ellie.

Dumbledore did not seem surprised by her question. "I am well aware of the changes that would occur under this bill. It is good that you seem familiar with it, though. Have you, ah, discussed the pertinent sections with professor Snape?"

Snape was confused. He of course knew nothing about any muggle laws, since he was not beholden to them as a member of the wizarding community.

Ellie looked avoided everyone's eyes and asked, "You mean the part about the abduction of a child in care?"

Snape was suddenly angry, "Abduction? You mean rescue!"

Dumbledore continued soothingly, "Yes of course we know that. And fortunately so does Miss Trumble, or you would be in a fair bit of trouble. It is possible that the muggle courts would see it our way, but there is really no need to get them involved. The Ministry of Magic has its own way of dealing with these things. As do I. I promise that you have nothing to worry about, Ellie. Their laws are not our laws, and you are now only obligated to follow our laws. A ministry representative and myself will visit Miss Trumble soon and take care of everything."

Ellie did not look entirely convinced, but she just said, "Thank you, sir." and let it be.

Professor Kamat did not seem surprised by the conversation at all, so Severus assumed that Dumbledore had already told her about the events of last month. Snape was not pleased by this. He couldn't see how it was any of her business. But he supposed that people would find out eventually, since they seemed to need Ministry interference in order to get Ellie out of that "community home."

Snape gestured toward the door,  "May I have a word with you in private, Headmaster?"

In the kitchen, Dumbledore said, "Ellie seems like a very bright young witch. She is fortunate to have you to give her a head start before classes begin."

"She would excel with or without me, I'm sure. I need to ask about something Miss Trumble said. Would the enrollment process be easier or harder if I became her foster parent? It's just… well she suggested it, and Ellie is in favor. So I thought I might. But I don't have the right muggle-approved qualifications, so I would need to use magic. And I'm not sure if it has been done before, or if the Ministry would approve. So I may need your help."

Dumbledore leaned on the countertop, idley tapping his fingers for a few moments before responding. "I don't know of it being done, but I'm sure it is possible, if you really want this. But you should think about it most carefully. I trust that you remember our first conversation about Ellie?"

Snape couldn't forget. Dumbledore had stood outside the owlery and told Snape to cut ties with Ellie, because she was a muggle and it could jeopardize his chances of returning to the Dark Lord as a spy. "I don't see your point. She is a witch."

"She is muggle-born. That isn't much better."

"She may not be muggle-born. A witch could have left her in that Home just as easily."

"They will use her against you. Voldemort will hurt her to get to you," he said quietly. "You have already put her in danger by bonding as deeply as you have. You should stop here. The other students mustn't know how close you are."

The words sunk in slowly, chilling Severus to his core. "This isn't about Ellie's blood status. You would have me spend the rest of my life without love or family or friendship, on the off chance that they become my weakness and jeopardize your vendetta against the dark lord. Is this my punishment? Have I not suffered and served enough to make up for my past?"

"Not yet, Severus. There is more you must do before your bond is lifted. I will not help you undo the work we have spent so many years on."

"Then I will do it without you."

Dumbledore appraised the potions master, coldly and carefully. "Do what you must. But I must insist that your relationship does not become public knowledge. The teachers should know, but no one else. She should appear to be nothing more than a favorite student. And if my reasons do not convince you, then at least think of her. She will have a hard enough time adjusting to social life at Hogwarts without having a teacher as her guardian."

The threats of imminent war and requisite need for espionage did nothing to sway Severus, but the last point hit home. Ellie was a quiet bookish girl who had never had friends before. And Snape was a rather unpopular person in 3 of the 4 houses. He wasn't sure how to break the news to Ellie that he was actually not very well-liked, but then he thought that she was smart enough to have figured it out on her own. Unlike the disturbing news of an oncoming wizarding war, this was an excuse that he could give to a 10 year old.

Grudgingly, Snape promised Dumbledore that he would keep their situation private. But privately, he decided to foster Ellie anyway. Once she was living in the dorms it wouldn't make a difference, but it would be worth it for 7 years of summer vacations.

When they returned to the parlor there was another quick round of handshaking before Professor Kamat and Dumbledore disappeared into the flames. He wasn't sure if he should share his previous conversation with Ellie yet, but she had her own questions right away.

"Who is you-know-who? Professor Kamat said that he was the most infamous dark wizard in Britain, but I haven't read anything about him. She said that you would know a lot about him though."

He had a sudden suspicion that Ellie had stumbled upon the reason for Professor Kamat's visit. As a teacher of Defence Against the Dark Arts, she would naturally be suspicious of a fellow teacher with such a spotty past. He bristled a little at the thought that Dumbledore had brought her here to asses him as a threat, but he respected her thoroughness anyway. There were still plenty of incriminating Dark Objects in the attic, but a conversation with Ellie would only reveal the best side of him, he thought.

"As she said, you-know-who was a wizard who came to power over a decade ago, and fell from power a few years after that. There are several good books on the topic. We can pick one up in diagon alley when we get your school things." Thanks to Dumbledore's influence, Snape knew that his name would not come up in any books on you-know who. 

"What makes a wizard a dark wizard? Are all offensive spells considered Dark Arts?"

"You're asking difficult questions again, Ellie."

"Professor Kamat said that you-know-who died. But you said he fell from power. Is he really gone?"

They were getting too close to topics he couldn't discuss. He wanted to tell her about the nuance of the dark arts and how any spell could be used for harm and for good. And sometimes the harm was the good. But spells went in and out of fashion and wizards labelled spells as evil when they feared them, but it varied by country and time period. He also wanted to simplify things and tell her that, yes, the bad evil wizard was dead and everything would be fine. Most people in the wizarding world had no doubt about this. But Dumbledore's warning was still on his mind and lying to her would only delay the inevitable.

"He is believed by most to be dead. Some of his most dedicated adversaries, including the headmaster, have reason to believe he is merely in hiding. If he is in hiding, though, it has been eight years with no sign of him."

She didn't seem totally satisfied with that answer either, but she decided to change gears. "What did you and the headmaster talk about?"

"You, of course. And me. I want to be sure that you get off on the right foot at Hogwarts. And that should probably include distancing yourself from me." Before she had a chance to look offended, he rushed on. "The headmaster doesn't want me to show any favoritism toward you. Regardless of whether I am fair or not, that would be the perception. It will be easier for you to adjust to life at Hogwarts if the other students don't know about the extent of our relationship. I do not coddle my students, and thus I am not very popular among underachieving students, which is most of them. I don't want my reputation to mar your experience. We don't need to be strangers. You can let people know that I delivered your Hogwarts letter, if you wish. But it would be for the best if we kept quiet about the rest."

"Lying to my classmates doesn't seem like getting off on the right foot either. What do I tell them when they asked how I learned so much about magic so quickly?"

She had a point. "You can tell them you read it in a book. There's no need to be specific."

Ellie frowned and furrowed her eyebrows. Her calculating stare was intense enough to make Snape look away nervously. "There's something you're not telling me" she said. "It's something important but you're avoiding it. What is it?"

Too smart for her own good. It was out of the question to explain that he couldn't get too close to her because he was actually Dumbledore's secret weapon against the Dark Lord, who she'd only just heard of. And it would absolutely kill him to admit to Ellie that he was not worthy of the trust she put in him. What would she do if she found out he had been a Death Eater? And what would he do if that information got spread around because he confided in a 10 year old who he'd known for barely a year? But he had to tell her something, or she would investigate on her own. He could imagine nothing more dangerous.

"There are some things that are hard to tell, Ellie. Dangerous things. If I told you to stop asking, could you do that? For my safety and yours?"

His seriousness seemed to giver her pause. "Is it that bad?"

"Yes. But I need you to let it go. In public, I need to just be your teacher."

Ellie looked beyond disappointed. Snape was disappointed too, but at least he understood all the reasons for this. She had no family for the longest time, but he gave her a chance for that and then snatched it away just as quickly. Would it be cruel to give it back now? Soon she could have new friends and mentors and not be so desperate for the protection and companionship Snape provided. Fostering her would bind her to him, even as he was trying to push her away. Nothing was simple, here. But in his heart, he wanted to keep protecting her, if she would have him.

"I can't be too close to you in the wizarding world. But here, in the summer, I can be whatever you need. If you want to stay here, it's still an option." Ellie continued staring at her hands in her lap. "I'd like you to stay, Ellie."

She spoke into her lap, "Would you get in trouble if I did? Would it be… dangerous?"

"Yes, it might be."

"But I could stay with you here? When I'm not at school, I mean."

"Yes, you could."

She looked up. "I'd like that. Even if it's dangerous."

Severus smiled faintly. "As would I."


	6. Homes

The next day, Ellie stayed at the Home while Snape worked on paperwork with Miss Trumble. As the child in question, she didn't actually get to participate in the discussion. And since all of the magic books had to stay at Snape's house, she was very bored. She was laying on her bed, staring at the ceiling, when there was a knock on the open door.

It was another girl in the Home, around the same age as Ellie. Ellie couldn't remember her name, but she recognized her as one of the girls who laughed when other people said mean things. 

"Is the guy downstairs adopting you?" the girl asked, when she had gotten Ellie's attention.

There was nothing mean in the tone of the question, but Ellie was still suspicious. "Why?"

The girl walked into the room and sat down in the vacant chair by Ellie's desk. "I just thought it would be nice if he was. You know hardly anyone here is even up for adoption. Most of us are waiting for our parents to be allowed to take us back. So we can't be adopted even if we'd like new parents better. Is he married?"

"No, why?"

"It would be nice to have a mum, wouldn't it? I'd like a new mum."

Ellie suddenly remembered that the other girls called her Jem, but she wasn't sure if that was her real name or not. "He's not married." Ellie said, not unkindly.

"I didn't know they let single parents adopt. I think they should though. One parent is probably better, because there wouldn't be so much fighting."

"He's just fostering me."

"Oh." Jem looked disappointed. "I heard that you spend nearly every day together. Most parents don't have time for that but it sounds nice. I thought it would be nice if it could be like that forever."

"He's a teacher, so it's only for the summer." Ellie felt a strange need to comfort Jem, who was obviously jealous, but not in a malicious way.

"Does that mean you'll be back here when classes start?"

"No, I'm going to the boarding school where he teaches."

"Wow, that's even better. I can't wait to leave here. I hate this town."

So Jem wasn't happy here either. Ellie couldn't imagine why she would be, but she had never tried to empathize with the other girls while they were calling her horse-face. She wondered how much jealousy had to do with their taunting.

"Is he as mean as he looks? The teacher that's fostering you?"

"Sometimes, but not to me."

"That's good. Parents that are mean to everyone but their kids are much better than parents who are nice to everyone but their kids."

Ellie thought of the Clarkes and had to agree, but didn't know how to respond.

"I heard that Miss Trumble is giving your room to Claire."

"I hadn't heard that." Ellie was more surprised that she should have been. Of course, with her moving to the Professor's house and then going to Hogwarts she wouldn't need it anymore. But Miss Trumble had reserved this room for her ever since she was seven, even when she stayed with foster families for extended periods of time. Short term residents in the Home slept in bunk beds in in a big room, but older long-term residents got their own rooms. It was like a consolation prize for being the most unwanted of the unwanted children. This might be her last night here. She stood up slowly and said, "I… I guess I should pack."

Jem volunteered to help, but Ellie refused her offer as gently as she could and Jem seemed to understand without any explanation. As plain and frequently unpleasant as the Home was, it was, well, her home. She'd been brought here as a baby and never had any other permanent accommodation. Until this moment, she thought she had hated it, but suddenly she was hesitant to leave. Once she packed up her stuff for good, she would have nowhere to come back to.

As she stacked her miscellaneous belongings on her desk, she realized that she didn't have a bag big enough to carry everything. Her usual duffel was just enough for her essential clothes and toiletries. Everything she owned would fit in a single large suitcase, but she would have to borrow one. The Home didn't have a large budget for clothing, so Ellie always wore her clothes till she outgrew them or wore them to shreds. She wouldn't be needing any of these, though, once she got to Hogwarts. She wondered how much of this stuff she should actually bring, and how much she was just keeping out of habit.

She started sorting things into two piles. Broken yo-yo in the leave-it pile, Sunday shoes in the keep-it pile, pencil stubs in the leave-it pile, old school notes in the keep-it pile, ugly sweater in the leave-it pile, and on and on until the keep-it pile was a manageable size. Ownership was weird as an orphan kid who had never had parents. Nothing ever really felt like hers even if it was paid for by the government check Miss Trumble got each month. She was never given cash to pay for things herself and Miss Trumble didn't have time to take each of the children in her care shopping, so Ellie got what she was given and didn't complain. 

Even Nomad, who had been a genuine gift, belonged to herself more than she did to Ellie. She'd moved to Snape's house, seemingly of her own will, since she didn't like the noise of the children much. At the house in Spinner's end, her cage and a nearby window were always open, so she could come and go as she pleased. Ellie wished she could leave as easily as Nomad had.

Ellie had spent only two nights at Snape's house, but they were good nights. And the guest room would soon be her room. She felt strangely disconnected from this fact, like it hadn't quite sunk in yet. She was leaving. really leaving. For the rest of her pre-adult life she would be spending 10 months each year at Hogwarts. That would be her new home. And if Snape allowed her to, she would never have to come back here again.

Of course, she may have to come back here, she realized. Being a foster parent doesn't have to last forever, and Snape had made no promises. She flopped on the bed and wondered if Claire would let her have her room back next summer or if it would be too late by then. Clearly Miss Trumble thought Snape wouldn't give her back, though, or she wouldn't be reassigning the room. She'd kept it even when she thought the Clarkes would be keeping her for at least a year, as planned. Still, it may have been a bit presumptive for Ellie to start packing up everything.

Her brain went in circles for the next few hours alternatively dreading then fantasizing about leaving forever, mixed in with doubts that it would really be forever. What if she wasn't magic enough and Hogwarts rescinded its admission? What if Snape didn't like taking care of her? What if whatever mysterious danger haunting Snape forced them to separate? Through all the changes and instability in her life, Ellie always had the certainty that she would be coming back to the Home eventually and without that she felt unanchored, drifting.

As afternoon changed to evening Ellie went downstairs to see if Snape had finished. Miss Trumble informed her that he was signing the last of the forms now, and that everything had checked out just fine so Ellie could expect to be moving just as soon as she liked. Miss Trumble looked a little dreamier than usual and Ellie recognized the signs of having been recently confunded into thinking that "Everything checked out fine." Miss Trumble was still together enough to demand that Ellie join the others for dinner and insist that she could see Snape tomorrow when he came to pick her up. 

 

Snape was all business when he arrived at the Home in the afternoon. He'd found an old suitcase in the attic that might have belonged to his father, which he hoped would be sufficient. A minor undetectable extension spell ought to make up the difference if it wasn't quite enough. He had also found his old school trunk, which would be useful for Ellie to take to Hogwarts, but was more than Ellie needed for now. The money Dumbledore left was only for the items on the school list, which made a lot of assumptions about what students would already own. Snape usually pitied students who arrived at Hogwarts with nothing but worn-out hand-me-down possessions, since that had been something he was teased for as a student. But he supposed that Ellie must be used to it by now, and there really wasn't much choice. Snape had little money to spare on frivolities. 

Ellie was organized and ready when he arrived, and they left within the hour. She left behind a small pile of items that Miss Trumble would throw away or, more likely, distribute among the other children. Everything Ellie kept fit in one suitcase and one duffel bag. It was a pretty sad sight, and he understood how she had tried to run away with only a bag of clothes. She had had nothing else to bring. Her Hogwarts supplies would likely double her possessions.

It was a little hot to be walking such a long distance with a heavy bag each, but Ellie didn't complain. His magically cooled house was a welcome respite, though. He thought that he ought to say something sentimental like "welcome home" when they walked in, but it seemed a bit silly in his head given that she had already spent so much time here. Instead, he brought the bags up to her room and let her unpack.

She stayed upstairs for a long time and Snape didn't want to disturb her while she was getting settled, so he started on dinner early. It had become much easier to cook for Ellie once he was able to use magic, but he still did a lot of it by hand, out of habit. It was getting dark by the time Ellie came into the kitchen. He had always sent her home before dark, so it was strange to have her here for dinner. But he guessed that he would get used to it eventually.

Ellie was quiet and contemplative while they ate and the meal didn't feel at all celebratory. There was a new nervousness between them that he hoped would dissipate with time. He felt a strong pressure on him to somehow make up for all the awful fostering situations that Ellie had endured in the past. But everything didn't have to be alright right away. They would both need time to get used to the situation. When he wished her goodnight, she smiled a little, and so did he, and he felt sure that the awkwardness was temporary.


	7. Diagon Alley

Over the next few weeks they did get used to it, more or less. Dumbledore stopped by the Home at some point and arranged permission for Ellie to attend Hogwarts without needing to speak to Severus or Ellie in person again. Snape and Ellie fell back into a pattern of tutelage, but with extended hours. Snape would allow her to keep reading late into the night, even after he had gone to bed. Nomad cheerfully began roosting in Ellie's room and began indulging in too-many owl treats.

Before they knew it, it was August, and Snape decided that it was time for a trip to Diagon Alley. He regretfully reminded Ellie that he couldn't be overly familiar with her on this trip, and his role was just escorting a new student to get her supplies. This did not seem to dampen her excitement at seeing so many wizards for the first time, though.

 

Ellie had been looking forward to this trip all summer. She'd read a little about the various wizarding communities in Britain and wanted to visit all of them, but most of them were purely residential. Diagon Alley was unique as the only primarily commercial magical neighborhood in the country. She knew that her bag of money was only for required school things, but she hadn't had much opportunity for window shopping as a kid either, and the wizard shops were bound to be full of exciting things, even if she couldn't buy them.

She had seen Professor Dumbledore and Professor Kamat arrive via flu powder, but this would be Ellie's first time using magic to travel. The morning of their trip, Snape explained how to do it.. She took the powder in her hand just as he had shown her and threw it in. The flames were warm but not uncomfortable when she stepped into the fireplace. 

She firmly said, "Diagon Alley!" and immediately felt the world move around her. She felt dizzy and more than a little nauseous as she was sucked through a green blur. As suddenly as it had started, it stopped, and she stumbled forward into a large, loud, pub. Nobody seemed alarmed by this and a moment later Snape appeared behind her and began guiding her through the crowd of breakfasting witches and wizards. It was incredible to see. Everyone was wearing colorful robes and casually waving wands around and chatting about things like hornbuggers and pixie infestations as if it was the most natural thing in the world. Ellie tried to listen to all the snippets of conversation but could only catch a few words of each. She suddenly felt a little self conscious about wearing muggle clothes, but she didn't exactly have any robes to wear.

"Ah, Severus! Haven't seen you around lately. Stopping in for breakfast?" said and old man carrying a tray, who Ellie assumed must work there.

"Just passing through, Tom" Snape replied airily, gesturing vaguely towards Ellie.

Tom smiled at Ellie toothlessly, "New student, eh?"

Ellie nodded weakly before Snape began pushing her towards the back door again. Tom seemed friendly but Snape didn't seem at all interested in conversing with him. Ellie had assumed that Snape was like her and didn't have any friends because people were jealous or judgemental. But it seemed like maybe he brought it on himself a little bit.

The back door led to a small brick courtyard. Snape took out his wand and smartly tapped the wall where a door quickly appeared. She stepped through it into the most marvelous street she had ever seen. It was early, but there was already a crowd of shoppers going about their business. She wandered into the street dazedly, drawn to a flashing poster in a nearby window.

"This way," snapped the professor, gesturing in the opposite direction. "Ollivander's first. You can stretch your sickles on robes and books, but you don't want to be making any compromises on your wand."

Ellie obediently followed him to a tiny old-fashioned shop. The sign above the door said that it had been there since 392 B.C. Inside it was very quiet. Behind the counter were rows and rows of shelves full of small boxes, but the shopkeeper was nowhere to be found.

Snape rang a small bell on the counter and called out, "Ollivander? Are you there?"

After a moment, Ollivander poked his head around a shelf in the back and made his way forward. He stood at the counter and scrutinized Snape for a moment. "Haven't seen you since you were a boy. Red Oak, dragon heartstring core, 10 and a quarter inches, rigid, wasn't it? I remember every wand I've ever made. Let me see it."

Snape reluctantly drew the wand from his robe and handed it over. Ollivander examined it closely, running a finger over it and holding it up to the light. Seeming satisfied, he handed it back. He gestured towards Ellie. "Your daughter?"

Ellie glanced at Snape but he didn't look worried. He just said, "A student."

Ollivander nodded to himself a little and said, "Alright let's get a look at you." He waved his own wand and a measuring tape sprung to life and busied itself measuring Ellie's dimensions. He appraised her from behind the counter and Ellie felt oddly exposed. She had read that matching a wand to a witch was tricky to do and required years of experience to get right, so she wanted to respect the master executing his craft. But mostly she just felt uncomfortable.

Eventually he recalled the measuring tape and starting going through the shelves pulling down boxes. He stacked about 10 of them on the counter before lifting the first one and asking Ellie to try it out. Realizing that this would take a while, Snape took a seat in the one rickety chair in the corner, but continued to watch with interest.

Ellie took the wand in her hand and felt that familiar doubt that she would be able to produce any magic at all. She wasn't really sure how to start. She thought of the first spell she had seen and tried to imagine a little light source at the tip of her wand and will it into existence. There was a little spark and a pop like a lightbulb burning out. Ollivander immediately snatched the wand away but Ellie was relieved that something had happened at least. She tried again with the next wand. and the next. and the next with no more success than the first time. After causing a minor fire, Ollivander took away the whole pile of wands, even the ones she hadn't used yet, and said, "Stop trying so hard. Just give it a wave and if it's a good match something good will happen."

He scurried through the shelves pulling down more wands resulting in a much more diverse pile. Ollivander was muttering to himself something about "Definitely no walnut" and "heartstring, for sure" but didn't seem confident in any one wand choice. After exhausting this pile with no more success, Ellie glanced at the clock and realized that they had been at it for nearly an hour.

Ollivander began sizing her up again. He looked at Snape, then looked back at her, then at the significant stack of empty wand boxes and suddenly broke into a grin. "I've got it. Yes, if this doesn't do it I don't know what will. I'll be back." 

He disappeared into a back room for a few minutes and emerged with a large studded leather box. He reverently placed it on the counter and opened the lid. Three pale wands of different sizes  lay there on a velvet cushion. Ollivander carefully removed the shortest one and said, "Acacia wood, very rare, very hard to work. All dragon heartstring. I only made three wands from this tree and I've been saving them. A bit temperamental, but I think, in this case, you may be exactly what it's looking for."

Ellie felt the connection as soon as the wood touched her hand and she suddenly knew exactly what to do. She delicately twirled the wand in a small figure-eight movement and a faint warm light emanated from the tip. She felt the warmth sink into her and she was filled with the most profound sense of peace. Both Ollivander and Snape let out a small gasp and Ellie realized that it was affecting them too. She lowered the wand and the warmth faded, leaving a deliciously calm aftertaste.

Ollivander handed Ellie a small velvet sack to wrap her new wand in and declared it a perfect match. When Snape stepped forward to pay, though, Ollivander waved him away. "I've been trying to place this wand for decades. That fine bit of magic is all the payment I need. Take good care of it."

Ellie shook his hand and thanked him seriously then followed the Professor outside. The sudden light and noise of the street was a little overwhelming so she just stood there for a moment, clutching the wand to her chest and blinking owlishly. Snape put a firm hand on her back and began guiding her to their next destination, which turned out to be a clothing store run by a cheerful middle-aged witch. Snape said that with the money they saved on a wand they could now afford new robes and books, which was a pleasant surprise. After being fitted for her school robes, Ellie asked to wear them out so she would look less obviously muggle-born.

Ellie could have spent hours in each of the shops they visited to get her supplies, but Snape hurried her along. The last stop was Flourish and Blott's. Snape's library was impressive, but not quite as exciting as a bookshop filled with wizarding knowledge old and new. In addition to all her school books, Snape let her pick out a volume on modern wizarding history as promised. There were a few other school-aged kids in the store with their parents who seemed to be avoiding Snape and Ellie. She guessed that it must be weird to see your teacher outside of school.

As they finished their shopping and started back to the Leaky Cauldron, Ellie realized that the effects of her spell had completely worn off. She nearly jumped out of her skin when she heard a voice call from behind them, "Severus? Is that you?"

They turned around and saw a thin blonde woman holding the hand of a small, even blonder boy. The child looked tired, as if he was being dragged on some errand or other, and he stared at Ellie with a mild sort of interest. Snape visibly stiffened beside her but he said in a perfectly neutral voice, "Narcissa. What a pleasant surprise. I'm on Hogwarts business, though, and don't have time to catch up."

Narcissa looked at Ellie like she was something unpleasant scraped off the bottom of a shoe. "It is unusual for you to take an interest in the, ah, less magical students of Hogwarts, is it not?"

Ellie bristled. She might be muggle-born but that didn't make her any less magical. To her disappointment, Snape did not leap to her defense. Instead, he replied, "All Professors share this responsibility, Narcissa, regardless of interest. I would like to finish as quickly as possible. Excuse us. "

Without waiting for a response, he levitated Ellie's supplies again and set off again at a brisk pace, with Ellie following behind. Ellie waited until they were well away before asking, "Who was that?"

Snape glanced at her for a moment then answered, "A dangerous person."

 

Severus thought a lot about that exchange over the next few days. Running into Narcissa Malfoy was exactly the last thing he wanted. Inevitably, Dumbledore would find out and he would not be pleased. He had been a little more brusque with her than he had intended, but he thought that he had at least successfully implied that he was forced into taking a muggle-born student shopping. Narcissa was no Death Eater, but she took her pureblood status seriously.

He tried to think of ways to explain his behavior to Ellie, but there were just too many factors he couldn't explain. She didn't seem to be hung up on it though, for which he was grateful. She had eagerly dug into her new books as soon as she got home and was studiosly taking notes on each chapter she read. Since she had her own cauldron now, she wanted to spend more time brewing potions as well. Snape explained that this might lead to difficult questions when she, as a muggle-born, was way ahead of the class from the first day. But she insisted that she could keep their lessons secret and just let everyone believe she was a natural-born potions genius, so Snape conceded.

Ellie had no one to compare herself to, so she didn't realize how strange that sounded to Snape. Ellie really was a natural-born potions genius, but Snape didn't want to spoil her by telling her that. She'd find out soon enough anyway. Snape could only hope that she would be this adept at wand magic. The thing that made her great at potions was her deep understanding of the ingredients and how they combined to make the whole, which she studied in depth before attempting to brew anything. Most students skipped this step, preferring to just read the instructions Snape wrote. He wrote them as thoroughly and clearly as he could, improving upon the recipes in the textbook, but the majority of his students still managed to mess them up horribly most of the time.

Ellie had brewed a nearly perfect potion every time, without his altered instructions. When he did eventually share his improvements with her in class, that would almost certainly close the gap to perfection. For the last few weeks of summer, he decided to not let her do any of the potions he was planning to assign the first years, or she would have nothing left to learn. Instead, he suggested more obscure potions that were still simple enough for a 10 year old.

When Ellie finished her modern history book, Snape expected her to ask him about life under the Dark Lord's influence, but she seemed satisfied enough with what she had read. Someday she would ask and he would have to answer, but he was perfectly happy to delay it. Ellie didn't see much point in memorizing a bunch of spells she couldn't even practice yet, so after reading through the Standard Book of Spells, Grade 1, she went back to studying more general magical principles. Most of Snape's books on magical theory were written hundreds of years ago, so Ellie requested a more modern book on wandlore for her birthday.

On August 20th 1989, Snape got her a cake with 11 color-changing candles and they had a little celebration at home, including the unwrapping of the book. Snape had never thrown a birthday party before, and he knew that this was a little lackluster, but Ellie didn't seem to mind at all. The only other gift she got was a new sweater from Miss Trumble, despite the season, to replace the ugly old one she had left behind. This one suited her much better. It was thin and black and far too big for her, but made her look very witchy even dressed as a muggle.

For the last week and half of August, Snape had to travel back and forth between Spinner's End and Hogwarts to prepare for the start of term, so Ellie was left alone for most of the day. She was expressly forbidden from doing any potion-making unsupervised, so she continued to average a book or two of magical reading a day. 

At the first teachers meeting of the year, Professor Kamat was the only faculty change so she introduced herself and everyone made a show of welcoming her to the school and warning her about the trick stairs and giving her other bits of trivia and advice. Snape thought it was a tad overdone, since she had only agreed to be there for a year. The schedule and core syllabi hadn't changed much since the last year so the main topic of conversation was the new N.E.W.T. and O.W.L. requirements that would be going into effect, but they were just too far away for Snape to care. 

While he was restocking the potions stores in the dungeon, Dumbledore stopped by to ask how Ellie was adjusting to the magical world.

"She's a natural," He answered with a touch of pride, "As good as anyone who grew up with magic."

"Did you tell Narcissa this when you ran into each other in Diagon Alley?"

Snape scowled. Of course Dumbledore had just been politely setting up his real line of inquiry. 

Dumbledore continued, "I hope you are taking my warnings seriously, Severus. It will be harder when you are interacting in public as student and teacher every day. Narcissa was not the only one to comment on your presence in Diagon Alley with miss Nihil. Madame Malkin was telling anyone that would listen that a mysterious muggle-born girl came into her shop with you for new robes."

Dumbledore paused for Snape to respond, but he didn't seem forthcoming, so he added, "Ellie's parentage - or lack thereof - will be a topic of conversation. Gossip in Hogwarts travels well beyond these walls. Ellie may try to keep it secret for her own sake, but when she makes friends they will ask her how she grew up and she will want to tell them the truth. You must convince her to keep your role in her life a secret. And the more significant that role becomes, the harder it will be."

"Then it will be hard. I've told you before that I'm not going to abandon her."

"I asked you not to foster her. You ignored me. I am asking you again now to remember your obligations. I will leave you to do what you must, Severus. But if you take this too far, I will put a stop to it."

The threat hung heavy in the air, and Snape knew that Dumbledore meant what he said. He did not want to put himself on the wrong side of Dumbledore's wrath, and he definitely didn't want to put Ellie in that position. Unwilling to give ground for the moment, he said, "I will remember your words." and turned back to his task. 


	8. The Hogwarts Express

Every day, Snape reminded Ellie that she must keep their history secret while she was at school. Finally on the last night of August she begged him to stop lecturing her.

"If I don't get it by now, I never will. Even if you won't tell me what's actually at stake, I get that it's a big deal, ok? Trust me."

"You're barely 11. Forgive me for being hesitant to trust you with earth-shattering responsibility."

He did have a point there, although Ellie thought of herself as mature for her age. "I know that it's a big responsibility. But If that's the price I pay for getting to live with you, then it's worth it." 

Snape didn't smile but his eyes softened a little bit, and Ellie could tell he was touched by the sentiment. She'd never be able to repay him for everything he had done for her, but in moments like these she felt like she didn't have to. 

Snape saw her off early the next morning, since he couldn't accompany her to the station. She was nervous to be doing this alone, but she thought she could handle it. All her belongings fit in the trunk with room to spare, and Nomad was sleeping peacefully in her cage. 

Snape checked her over one last time to make sure nothing was forgotten and said, "Good luck today. I'll see you at the feast tonight, even though I can't say hello. You'll do fine."

"Are you sure you can't tell me how the sorting works?"

"You can ask an older student on the train, if you really want to, but it's traditional to keep it a secret. It's nothing to worry about though."

"Do you think I'll be in your house?"

"I really couldn't say. I'm sure you'll be great in any house. Are you ready?"

He handed Ellie the floo powder and she put on a determined face. She threw it in the fire, dragged her luggage in with her, and declared, "Diagon Alley!"

In the Leaky Cauldron, she was not the only student to be using this fireplace as a muggle-free way to enter London. Tom, the barkeep, was halfheartedly trying to get a big family of redheads to buy something before they left for King's Cross Station. The father seemed reluctant to say no but the mother rushed them all out the door before the guilt could get the better of them. Ellie slipped out the door behind them, unnoticed. 

Outside, there were a few taxis waiting, but the family appeared to need 2 taxis just for them, so Ellie would have to wait. She watched the mother help the two youngest boys (twins) get everything into the first taxi, then drive off. Then the father helped the other two into the taxi. When a third taxi pulled up, she struggled to lift the trunk into the backseat by herself and the driver didn’t seem interested in helping.

The red headed father saw her struggling and said, “need a hand?” 

Ellie accepted graciously. She couldn’t imagine having four boys to handle and still offering to help a stranger, but he didn’t seem nearly as harried as his wife. 

Her taxi followed his all the way to the station and they arrived at the same time, so he helped her get out of the taxi as well.

“Headed to Hogwarts, then? First year?”

Ellie nodded. She supposed that she looked like a lost first year.

He kept talking while they all dragged their trunks through the station. “My sons, Fred and George, are starting this year as well.” 

The oldest boy saw Ellie’s look and clarified, “Not us, the other two who came with our mum. I’m Charlie, and this is Percy. What’s your name?” 

“Oh, um, Ellie.” She was still a little overwhelmed by their unanticipated kindness.

Their mother was waiting with the twins between platforms 9 and 10, which Snape had explained was the secret entrance to the Hogwarts express platform. “What took you three so long? I was worried the taxi got lost.”

One of the twins gestured towards Ellie and said, “He got confused and picked up someone else’s red headed kid, Mum.”

The other twin added, “Seven just isn’t enough children. Always room for another Weasley, eh Dad?”

Ellie counted them again and asked, “seven?”

Charlie explained, “Our older brother graduated last year, and the other two are still too young for Hogwarts. And don’t be a prat, George. Ellie is starting this year too. She just needed a hand with her trunk.”

The middle brother (Ellie had already forgotten his name) said, “Excuse me, I’d like to get on the train NOW if you don’t mind.” He pushed right past his mother and walked through the solid wall there with his trunk.

Charlie said to Ellie, “You can take his place, if you want. I wouldn’t really mind.”

His mother chided, "Be nice to your brother."

He gave her a peck on the cheek and said, "Yes, mum. I've got to get going now, they're waiting for me in the prefect car."

"Oh are you a prefect, Charlie?" said one twin.

"Why didn't you say so?" continued the other one, sarcastically.

Charlie ignored them and turned back to Ellie. "I AM a prefect. So if my brothers are bothering you, come find me and I'll take care of it."

Ellie wasn't sure whether to laugh or not, but she was saved from the awkward moment by the father who said, "Goodness! The train leaves in a few minutes. Time to go, boys." 

Charlie immediately picked up his things and walked through the wall. The twins walked through together, and Ellie was left on the outside with their parents.

The mother smiled gently and said, "You can close your eyes, dear, if you're nervous."

Ellie shook her head. "I want to see it happen." Like jumping into the deep end of a pool, Ellie took a deep breath and walked purposefully towards the wall. She watched her foot go through the brick and her head followed with no hesitation. Everything went black for the briefest moment, then she was on the other side. The train looked like it was filling up fast, and there were lots of parents milling about, saying goodbye to their children for the term.

The father appeared behind her, waved, and said, "It was nice to meet you, Ellie. Enjoy Hogwarts!" and then he and his wife caught up with the twins to say goodbye.

Ellie dragged her trunk onto the train and began looking for a compartment to sit in. Most of them were already full of intimidating older students. Halfway down the train was a compartment with only two other students, both of whom looked like first or second years. There might have been a better place to sit further down the train, but Ellie didn't want to risk being forced to sit in a room full of 7th year students for the whole trip, so she asked the occupants if she could join them.

One of the boys said, "Yeah, sure. I'm saving two seats for my friends but there's plenty of room. You a first year?"

Ellie nodded  and hauled her trunk up into the luggage rack. Neither of the boys offered to help. After checking to see that Nomad was still asleep, she carefully placed her cage in the rack as well.

The same boy spoke again. "I'm Tiberius Flint. This is my second year so I can answer any questions you have about Hogwarts. And this is my cousin, Phineas Prewett. He's starting this year too."

As Ellie sat down at the opposite end of the compartment, the train started moving and two more students arrived. A tall angry-looking girl threw her luggage in the rack opposite Ellie and collapsed into the seat next to Tiberius. "I almost missed the train! My mum is so clingy. I swear she wanted me to miss it so I could stay home with her. Ben had to pull her off me."

"I did not pull her off you. Don't be so dramatic." He sat down next to the girl and then looked up to realize he was sitting opposite Ellie. "Who are you?"

Ellie was about to answer, but Tiberius interrupted, "You are so rude, Ben. What happened to 'Nice to meet you, what's your name?'"

The girl looked right at Ellie and said in an inflectionless robotic voice, "Nice to meet you. What is your name. I am programmed to follow social norms."

Ellie thought that this was probably a joke, but wasn't sure whether to laugh or not so she just kept a straight face and said, "Ellie."

Ben laughed and said, "Where'd you find this one, Tiberius? She's so serious. The other one must be your cousin, though, right?"

Phineas smiled nervously and waved, causing Ben to laugh again.

The girl said to Phineas, "I'm Catherine. Tiberius told us all about you. He says you're really smart. Maybe you'll be in my house."

Tiberius rolled his eyes and said, "Phineas will be in Slytherin, like the rest of our family." Then to his cousin, "Catherine is in Ravenclaw, but she's alright."

Catherine shot back at Tiberius, "And your brother's in Slytherin, but he's an idiot."

Tiberius didn't seem bothered. "Marcus is an idiot, but he's alright too. Great Quidditch player."

Ben turned to Ellie and said, "This is your first year, right? What house do you think you'll be in?"

Suddenly all eyes were on her. "I'm not sure. I don't really know how the sorting works. No one would tell me."

Catherine said, "What, were you raised by Muggles? I got my parents to tell me that years ago."

Tiberius said, "Don't be stupid, Cat. If she was a mudblood she wouldn't even know about the sorting ceremony."

Ellie really didn't want to explain her family situation at the moment and she immediately regretted revealing her ignorance. Ben saved her by saying, "Don't worry about it, Ellie. I didn't know till I got here either."

Tiberius said, "Ben's a half blood, but he's a Slytherin so he's alright too."

Phineas said softly, "It's just a hat." Ellie was startled by him speaking for the first time. "It's just an old hat that they put on your head, and it reads your thoughts, and it sorts you into a house."

Ellie said, "Oh."

Ben said, "People usually end up in the same house as their family. I saw you with Percy's parents. Are you a Weasley?"

Tiberius made a sound of disgust. "Ugh, I hope not. Gryffindor is the worst."

Ben shushed him and said, "I hate Gryffindor as much as any other Slytherin, but bravery isn't inherently a bad thing. Do you ever do brave things, Ellie?"

She was put on the spot again. She thought about running away that one time. It had been brave, but wasn't a very good plan. And sneaking Nomad into her room at the Clarke's had been brave, but that had gotten her locked in a basement. "Every time I think I'm doing something brave, it ends up just being something stupid."

Catherine laughed and said, "Exactly! This girl's a Ravenclaw, I can feel it. Bravery is nothing compared to a well thought out plan."

Tiberius scoffed, "A plan is just a tool."

Ellie thought that they both made a good point. "I'm not a Weasley. I just met them on the way to the train."

Tiberius gave her an appraising look. "You have the hair, but not the freckles."

"Hey aren't those Weasleys like your third cousins or something?" asked Sam.

Tiberius looked offended. "All the pureblood families are related, but that doesn't mean we have to talk to them." With a touch of pride he added, " _ My _ Grandmother is Lucretia Black."

Phineas said, " _ Our _ Grandmother is Lucretia  _ Prewett _ . I'm a Prewett and you're a Flint. The Black name is finished."

Ellie had looked at a British Wizard genealogy at one point, but it was written in the 1930's, so she was surprised to be hearing the same names. She wished that she had read it more closely so that she could follow the conversation. For the next hour or so the three second years discussed their shared extended family tree and which of their ancestors were the most interesting, with Phineas piping in occasionally with a correction. After a while they seemed to forget that Ellie was there.

She'd hoped that she would be able to make her first friends on the train ride, but she had no way to join in the conversation. Her own name, Nihil, had no history. Her best guess was that her mother had invented it as a fake name so that Ellie wouldn't be able to find her when she got older. It was a bit of a cruel joke, since her name meant 'nothing' in Latin. And Eileen was a perfectly common name, for old ladies. She had started going by Ellie as soon as she had a choice in the matter.

Ellie had never realized how important it was to come from a long line of witches and wizards. It seemed like all the best-known and most-accomplished wizards throughout history were from these core magical families, at least in Britain. They didn't mention any prominent muggle-born (or mudblood, as she had just learned they were called) witches. She couldn't think of any significant muggle-born wizards she had read of off the top of her head, either.

As she got older, she'd pretty much stopped worrying about who her birth parents had been. By 5 years old, she had completely given up on them ever coming back for her, but she still thought about them sometimes. Now she was thinking about it. As far as she could tell, there was no wizard-run fostering, adoption, or child welfare program. So her parents could have been muggle or magical and there was likely no way to tell. She was worried that if her parents were muggles she might not be as good at magic. When they finally asked about her parents directly, what would she say?

After the longest time, she heard a name she recognized and leapt at the chance. "Did you say Narcissa?"

Tiberius seemed surprised to hear from her again after so long, "Yeah, do you know her?"

"Yes, well, maybe. Tall blond woman? Has a 7 or 8 year old son?"

Phineas nodded and said, "That sounds like Aunt Narcissa and Draco. We're pretty distantly related, but our parents are good friends with the Malfoys. How do you know her?"

"Oh I just met her in Diagon Alley, when I was out shopping." She didn't mention that Ellie herself had not actually spoken on that occasion. Nor did she mention that dear Aunt Narcissa had looked at Ellie like she was scum on her shoe. It had the desired effect, though, because they made an effort to include her in the subsequent conversation. 

Ben said, "Did you notice that we weren't assigned a defence against the dark arts textbook this year? I wonder who they got to replace Old Morningdale." Ellie knew exactly who would be teaching them, but she was pretty sure she was supposed to keep that a secret as well.

Instead, she said, "I bet that will be my worst class. I looked through all the other textbooks this summer to get a head start, but there was nothing I could do to prepare for defense against the dark arts."

Ben seemed impressed. "Wow. that's dedication. I spent all summer sleeping."

Catherine scowled, "I spent all summer helping my mum around the house. And she wouldn't even let me use magic! I'd rather sit through a hundred hour history of magic lesson than pull one more weed."

There was a collective groan. Tiberius said, "I wish I could drop History of Magic. That class is pure torture."

Ellie said, "I really like history, though. What's wrong with it?"

Catherine nodded knowingly. "It's fine to like history, but no one likes history class with Professor Binns. He's the most boring lecturer in the world. Every time I walk into that room I see death."

Ellie thought that Catherine was being too dramatic again, but the others nodded seriously. It was disappointing, of course, to hear that one of her favorite subjects was being ruined by an inadequate teacher, but no school could be perfect. Not even a magic school.

Ben asked Ellie and Phineas how much they knew about the other teachers at Hogwarts. They both said that they knew almost nothing, so the three returning students eagerly started rating and analyzing each of the Professors in turn. Ellie did not mention that she knew Snape. She was allowed to mention that Snape had delivered her Hogwarts letter and taken her to Diagon Alley, but she didn't want to admit she was raised by muggles just yet, so she acted like she had never heard of Snape before. Besides, she was curious what Tiberius, Catherine, and Ben had to say about Professor Snape if they thought Ellie had never met him.

Tiberius said, "And the head of our house is Professor Snape, the Potions master. He's as strict as McGonagall, but he's alright. He takes his subject super seriously and doesn't let you fool around in class. And he's a tough grader. But at least he doesn't give us busy work or talk at us for ages. It's a very hands-on sort of class."

Catherine added, "He's really biased though. You've got to get on his good side early on or he'll be extra hard on you." Ellie didn't think that she would have a problem with that. It wasn't exactly a glowing recommendation, but at least they rated him above Professor Binns.

"Anything from the trolley, dears?" said a friendly looking witch pushing a snack cart through the aisle. Snape had given her a few coins to buy something small, which she was grateful for because all of the other students had money as well. Each of them got two or three things and then they pooled them together to share. Ellie had never shared sweets with other children before. It was surprisingly fun, even when she ate a fish flavored jelly bean. Splitting and sharing the snacks took up a good amount of the remaining trip.

Finally when it started getting dark they all changed into their robes. Ben took out his wand to show them a charm he had learned from his mother that summer.

"Are we allowed to use our wands on the train?" asked Ellie.

"Yeah, of course!" answered Tiberius "The term has officially started. My parents let me practice at home this summer, though, so it's not a big deal."

Ellie was overcome with the urge to do some magic. "I haven't used my wand since it chose me."

Catherine smiled encouragingly, "Go on, then! Give it a try. What spells do you know? You must have learned something from all those textbooks this summer."

Ellie had read about them, but she hadn't committed many of them to memory. And now that she could actually use one, she couldn't seem to remember any. She twirled her wand in a little figure eight like she had done at Ollivander's, but nothing happened.

Ben laughed. "Try  _ verbal _ magic, Ellie. Start with something simple. Do you know  _ lumos _ ?"

Ellie did know lumos. That's the one she had been trying to do at Ollivander's without knowing the word. She screwed up her face, stared at the tip of her wand, and said, " _ lumos. _ "

Nothing happened. Tiberius said, "Don't worry. Most spells take practice and you haven't been properly taught yet. Why don't you try it as well, Phineas?"

Phineas took out his wand too. The looked at each other and said in unison, " _ lumos. _ "

This time there was a little light at the end of Ellie's wand, but it went out after a second or two. They tried again together, and they both made a little light appear for a moment. Tiberius and Catherine took out their wands as well, so all 5 of them were leaning forward in their seats, with their wands in a circle. Tiberius said, "Together. 3… 2… 1…  _ lumos _ ."

All 5 of their wands emitted a soft glow, slightly underwhelming in the well-lit train. Ellie and Phineas grinned at each other. The train began to slow and they realized that they were arriving at the station. Catherine said, "Alright everyone. Lights out, time to go.  _ Nox. _ " 

Everyone repeated the spell and the lights blinked out. "What do we do with our luggage?" asked Ellie.

"Just leave it and it will be taken up to the castle." said Catherine.

"But what about Nomad?" Seeing their confusion, she added, "my owl." She didn't like the idea of a stranger carrying her pet around, and she didn't think that an owl would be allowed in the great hall. Ellie took Nomad down from the rack and removed the black cover to find Nomad already awake for the night. "If I open the window and let you out, will you go to the owlery?" Nomad hooted softly in acknowledgement, so Ellie opened her cage and let her hop out onto her arm. Tiberius opened the window for her and they watched her fly away as the train reached a full stop. Ellie quickly stowed the cage again and turned to follow Catherine out of the compartment.

Tiberius stopped her and said, "The first years go to the castle a different way, so stick with Phineas. We'll see you at the feast. And if you're lucky, I'll see you at the Slytherin table!"

Phineas and Ellie followed the cries of "first years this way!" to the edge of a huge lake. Without speaking, they got into the first empty boat they saw. They had spent the whole day together, but they had hardly ever spoken to each other, finding it easier to interact with the more talkative trio directly. Now that they were alone, Ellie wasn't sure what to say, and Phineas seemed to be having the same problem.

After a moment they were joined by two nervous looking girls. Ellie guessed that all the first years were pretty worried about the sorting at the moment, herself included. With a lurch, the boats started moving of their own accord across the lake. Phineas broke the silence by asking the two girls their names. One of them introduced herself as Yuki, and the other as Lucy. They had also met on the train, like Phineas and Ellie. It remained a quiet trip, though, as they watched the castle emerge from the darkness with wonder.

In the castle, a severe looking woman organized them into a line to make their entrance. Based on the descriptions she had heard on the train, Ellie guessed that this was Professor McGonagall. Ellie saw the distinctive red heads of the twins at the back of the line, but kept her distance. As she found her place between Yuki and Phineas, the doors to the great hall opened. 


	9. The Sorting

_ Hogwarts, A History _ really didn't do justice to the amazing sight before her. The enchanted ceiling was twinkling with a thousand stars and floating candles illuminated the intricate pillars and panels surrounding the room. She resisted the urge to stare open mouthed at everything around her, and marched seriously up the center aisle to cluster at the edge of the teachers long table. She found Snape sitting there, as promised, but he didn't meet her eye. And as Phineas had said, there was an old hat sitting on a stool at the front of the room.

When all the first years were in place, a silence fell and the hat opened its mouth. It sang a song about the four houses and the traits that defined each one. The message was nothing new to Ellie, having read about the history of each of the houses, but it was a wonderful song and she joined in on the well-earned applause when it was over. 

McGonagall picked up the hat and said clearly, "Abrahams, Lucy."

Lucy shakily sat on the stool and McGonagall placed the hat on the girl's head. After a few moments, the hat opened its mouth again and shouted, "Ravenclaw!" One of the tables burst into cheers and applause and welcomed the smiling girl to the table. As that applause died, Professor McGonagall called the next student.

She went one by one through the list and each student was welcomed with cheers. The hat took a really long time with Davies, Roger, which made Ellie nervous, but the audience of returning students didn't seem worried so she supposed it was normal. When about half of the students had gone, they called her name. 

"Nihil, Eileen."

She felt like her head was full of static when she walked up to the stool, but when the brim of the hat fell over her eyes she felt weirdly comforted by the sudden darkness.

"Ah, yes, there is great intelligence here I see. Ravenclaw, perhaps. And potential for great loyalty and friendship as well, though still untested."

The singing hat was talking to her directly, she realized. She wasn't really hearing the voice through her ears. She wondered if she could think back at the hat in the same way.

"Yes, I'm listening." it said. "There is great ambition in you, but still undirected. You would do well in Slytherin. But which is worth more to you, knowledge or power?"

Ellie suspected that he question was meant to be rhetorical, but her first thought in response was "knowledge is power."

"Ahh, power then. Yes I see it clearly now. Your house is SLYTHERIN!"

The last word rang in her ears and her mind as the hat was lifted from her head and she left the stage. Tiberius and Ben waved her over to their place at the long table and she sat down gratefully as the cheers died down. A minute later, Phineas sat down opposite Ellie, next to Tiberius, as his cousin had predicted. They watched the rest of their classmates get sorted and joined in the applause whenever a Slytherin was announced. Yuki came to Slytherin as well and both of the Weasleys joined Gryffindor.

Finally, McGonagall removed the hat and stool. Dumbledore stood up and silence fell. He smiled around at everyone and said, "Welcome students, and welcome back! Enjoy the feast!"

He sat down again and the room immediately burst into excited conversation as food suddenly appeared on all the tables.

Ben and Tiberius congratulated Ellie and Phineas on joining the best Hogwarts house and introduced them to the students sitting nearby while everyone loaded up their plates. The food was amazing and she spent significantly more time eating than talking, but she enjoyed hearing the other students swapping summer stories. She avoided looking up at the teachers table too much, since no one else was, but she did occasionally sneak a glance at Snape. She was in his house. He must be happy, right? He didn't look happy though. He looked lonely and bitter, eating in silence. With a jolt, Ellie realized that she must look the same way at the moment. She made an extra effort to join the conversation during dessert.

When the meal ended, Professor Dumbledore made some start of term announcements, including an introduction of Professor Kamat, before dismissing everyone for the night. The upperclassmen left the room while the prefects rounded up the first years to show them the way. There were 16 Slytherin students in Ellie's year, 7 of them girls. The prefects led them through the hallway to the dungeons and stopped them in front of a blank stone wall. Upon saying the password ("prestige") a hallway appeared that led to the common room.

The room was fairly empty, with most students having already gone up to bed after the long day of travel and feasting, but the first years lingered for a moment to look out the submerged windows. It was too dark to see anything in the lake at night, but that didn't stop them from trying. The prefects had seen it before, though, so they urged the first years to find their dorm rooms so the prefects could sleep. The boys went down one hallway and the girls went down another.

The prefect pointed four of the girls to one room and the other three to another, then continued down the hallway to her own room. Ellie and her three roommates, including Yuki, found their trunks sitting at the end of each of their beds, so they knew which was theirs. They were single beds, like at the Home, but the mattress was soft and the bedding was luxurious. She sat down appreciatively, suddenly realizing how tired she was.

Yuki said to the room, "So we're roommates now. We should get to know each other. I'm Yuki Sasahara."

Ellie had already introduced herself to Yuki, but she shared her name with the other two. The heavy set blonde one with glasses introduced herself as Donna Grelwin, and the pretty pixie-haired girl said her name was Sarah Phillips. They were all too tired to say much more though. 

Yuki seemed a little disappointed by this, but realized that none of them were in the mood to stay up all night bonding. "We don't have classes till Monday so we have all weekend to do whatever we want. What do you think of exploring the castle together tomorrow?" Everyone agreed.

They quietly changed into their pajamas and blew out the candles. There was a very faint greenish glow coming from the one porthole window, filtering down from the moon and stars far above. Safe in another new bed, Ellie drifted off to sleep.

 

The next day, Ellie, Yuki, Donna, and Sarah went down to the great hall together for breakfast. It seemed like a lot of the older students were sleeping in so it wasn’t nearly as full as last night, but there were recognizable clusters of first years at each of the four house tables. Shortly after they sat down, they were joined by three of the new Slytherin boys, including Phineas. The seven of them discussed how best to explore the castle today.

"I want to explore the grounds" said Donna. "It's so beautiful out today."

Adrian, one of the slytherin boys, added that he wanted to check out the Quidditch Pitch, even though first years weren't allowed to join the team. 

Sarah spoke longingly of the forbidden forest, but everyone else agreed that they shouldn't be getting themselves into trouble on their very first day.

Yuki said, "I just want to find all our classrooms so we're not wandering around lost on Monday."

Ellie agreed with her and said that finding her classes was her first priority. 

Theo, Phineas's other roommate, said he'd never experienced moving staircases before and wanted practice navigating them.

"Hello, children!" said Tiberius, walking up to them.

"You're only a year older than me" replied Phineas.

"Yeah but I'm nearly two years older than Ellie since she was born in August, right?"

He was right. Phineas and Tiberius were born on the 21st and 22st of September respectively, a year apart. Ellie was probably the youngest person in the school, having only turned 11 a few weeks ago.

Ben joined them a moment later and asked, "So how are you going to spend your first full day at Hogwarts? Last year we started classes the day after we arrived. Got lost at least three times and showed up late to all our classes."

"At least we showed up late together, though" added Tiberius.

Ellie said, "We were planning to explore the castle today to make things easier on Monday."

Ben clapped her on the shoulder. "Good plan! Need a tour guide?"

Yuki eagerly accepted their offer. Donna and Adrian looked a little bummed that they weren't exploring the grounds first, but Tiberius promised that he would included it in the afternoon part of the tour. "You have to be able to find herbology, at the very least."

With the two second years leading a pack of first years, it really did feel like a tour. Ben and Tiberius kept up a very entertaining banter the whole time, taking frequent questions from the group. As expected, the castle was huge. There were whole wings of the building that they didn't cover, even with a thorough tour of all the classrooms and Professor's offices they might need to know. The highlight of the tour for Ellie was, of course, the library. Since classes hadn't started yet, it was completely empty.

It was easily the biggest library she had ever seen. She could spend a lifetime in here and never read it all, but she thought she'd like to try. Yuki seemed equally mesmerized by the endless shelves, and Ellie felt her respect for the other girl grow. The others didn't want to linger, though, so they moved on pretty quickly. On the way out, Yuki suggested that they come back for another look at it later without the others, and Ellie agreed.

The last stop on the tour was the potions dungeon, where Snape's office was also located. Ellie made a special effort to remember this location. She hoped that she might be able to sneak off sometime tomorrow and talk to Snape. It had only been a little over a day since she'd seen him, but so much had happened in that time and she wanted to talk to him about it.

The great hall was more crowded than that morning when they went down for lunch. The other half of the Slytherin first year group was sitting together and laughing about something. Donna suggested joining them so they could all get to know each other, but Ellie wasn't thrilled about the idea. That many people was a little overwhelming. Besides, they all had a mean, haughty look about them. They didn't look like they wanted to be bothered.

Upon noticing that unifying trait, she turned her attention to her own little group to find some common trend. Ben and Tiberius were jovial and overflowing with confidence. Donna was cheerful, even if she seemed a bit dull in Ellie's opinion. Phineas was shy, but had amusing sarcastic streak when he was talking with his cousin. Yuki had an assertive personality, but was also a very positive person. Adrian and Theo were relaxed and smiley and willing to go along with what the group wanted. And Sarah was positively bubbly.

Ellie looked over at the serious, glowering group and wondered how she hadn't ended up with them. She was making a huge effort to be friendly and positive, but it was exhausting. She'd never really tried to make friends before and she thought she was doing a good job. But she couldn't help feeling that she would look less out of place with the more serious group.

The afternoon was dedicated to the great outdoors. It was, as Donna had said, a beautiful day. It seemed like the whole school was outside taking advantage of the good weather. A bunch of upperclassmen were practicing on the quidditch pitch at the end of their tour, so a half of the first years stayed to watch. Ellie, Yuki, and Phineas continued with Tiberius and Ben to sit by the lake and enjoy the view. The giant squid was leisurely skimming along just under the surface of the water, causing little ripples to spread out behind it.

"I think I'm still going to get lost on Monday" said Phineas.

"We still have tomorrow to practice." Yuki pointed out. "Although I think I'd like to do something more productive than aimless wandering."

"I want to do wand magic. That's why we're here, isn't it?" said Ellie.

"I don't understand this British obsession with wand magic." said Yuki.

"What do you mean?" asked Ben.

"I mean wand magic isn't the only kind of magic there is. Goblins don't need wands. Magical creatures don't need wands. Potions and Divination hardly use wands. My family has been practicing traditional Japanese charm magic for centuries and my parents don't even own wands. But when they moved to London, they wanted me to learn both types of magic, so here I am."

"Wow, could you teach us some Japanese magic?" asked Tiberius.

"Sorry, family secret. It's something you have to be born into. My ancestors started making omamori for this one shinto shrine in Akita like a million years ago and never left. My Aunt took over the tradition when my parents moved. I can't teach you how to do it, but I could make you a gakugyō-jōju charm to help you pass your exams. There's this whole religious aspect to it though that I can't replicate here, so it won't be super effective."

Ben said, "I've definitely heard of a magic school in Japan that does wand magic though."

"Yeah there is one. But my parents never went. Honestly omamori is a dying art. There are only a few families left that can do it. A lot of magical users choose to learn western style magic, since it's easier."

"Why is it easier?" asked Ellie.

"No clue. I don't think anyone really understands how wands work. Not even wandmakers."

"I'd like to know." said Ellie.

Tiberius laughed. "Well let me know if you make any groundbreaking discoveries about the nature of magic before classes start on Monday. Ben and I promised to meet up with Cat before dinner, though, so we'll catch you later."

Yuki, Phineas, and Ellie stayed by the lake while the two boys headed up to the castle. Ellie said, "I got a book on wandlore for my birthday but it mostly talked about the traits of different woods and cores. It didn't really explain how or why they had those traits."

Phineas said, "My parents said that 'the wand chooses the wizard' but they didn't explain how either. I bet you could find more about it in the library."

"We'll probably be too busy with classes soon to spend time on that. There's a pretty steep learning curve. My parents couldn't help me study at all before I got here, since they never went to a formal magic school." said Yuki.

Phineas frowned, "My parents are both pure blood highly trained wizards who went to Hogwarts and they still didn't teach me anything. They are firm believers in the 'no underage magic' rule. My aunt and uncle, Tiberius's parents, let him do whatever, but they were strict with me, since my parents asked them to be. What about you, Ellie?"

Ellie's heart thumped louder. "No I don't have any practical experience. Just reading."

"Did your parents go to Hogwarts?" asked Yuki.

Here it was. Ellie had managed to avoid personal questions all day, but now that it was just the three of them it seemed unavoidable. She could lie. She could try to skirt around the question. But if they were going to be friends, she had to tell them eventually. She couldn't pretend she had parents forever. She plucked at the grass in front of her and answered as casually as she could, "I don't know. I never met them."

Phineas and Yuki looked a little confused, but waited for her to continue. "I grew up in a Children's Home. You know, like an orphanage." She glanced at each of them then back down at the grass. "A muggle orphanage."

Understanding dawned on their faces. "So you  _ were _ raised by muggles." said Phineas.

"When did you find out you were a witch?" asked Yuki.

"Um, June. When I got my letter."

Yuki seemed shocked. "So you've only known about magic for - what - 3 months?"

"That's amazing" said Phineas. "You already know so much! So did you just like get an owl out of nowhere one day? How did you read so much if you lived in an orphanage?"

Ellie considered Snape's frequent warnings before answering. "No, the letter was hand delivered by Professor Snape so he could explain it to me. And he lent me some books to read. Then he took me to Diagon Alley later in the summer to get my school books." There was a little white lie in there, but it seemed necessary. She was only implying that she didn't see Snape between the delivery of the letter and the shopping trip.

"Was the wandlore book a birthday gift from him?" asked Yuki. Underneath the question she was clearly trying to figure out how close they were. Ellie shouldn't have mentioned the book earlier. It was exactly what snape told her not to do.

She recovered by saying, "It was a gift from the school. I think they feel bad for me, because, you know… I'm an orphan?"

Phineas shook his head, "I can't believe that you're in Slytherin and you don't even know what your blood status is."

"Blood status doesn't matter." said Yuki, confidently. 

"Yes it does!" said Phineas hotly, "My father said - "

"Well your father is wrong." interrupted Yuki, crossing her arms. "Anyone can be a great wizard, even if they don't have a single drop of magical blood in them."

This point of view surprised Ellie. Tiberius and Phineas seemed pretty confident that purebloods made better wizards, and nothing she'd read seemed to dispute that claim. "Didn't you just say a little while ago that you had to be 'born into it' to do your family's type of magic?" asked Ellie.

"Yeah!" echoed Phineas, emphatically.

"That's different." insisted Yuki "Like I said, wand magic is easy. Anyone can do it. So you shouldn't worry about maybe being muggle-born, Ellie."

"That's easy for you to say." argued Phineas. "You know who your magical ancestors are going back thousands of years!"

Ellie appreciated Yuki's advice, even if she was wrong. "I'm never going to know who my parents are, so I can't keep worrying about it. I'll just do the best I can."

"That's a good attitude" said Yuki, smiling. "You're going to be a great witch, I can see it."

Phineas wasn't ready to let it go yet. "Don't you want to know who they are, though? There could be some spell or something that could tell you…"

"No." said Ellie sharply. "I don't want to know."

Phineas looked away in embarrassment and muttered, "Sorry." Then after a moment of awkward silence, "Will you tell us why?"

Ellie thought about it for a moment. She still had a little curiosity, but mostly she was afraid to know. "If I knew who they were, I'd have to know why they gave me up. And if the reason wasn't good enough… I'd be mad. Really mad. And I don't want to waste my energy on being mad at some deadbeat parents I never met when there are so many other things I could be doing. I'm not going to waste my energy wanting parents who didn't want me."

There was something very cathartic about saying that out loud. But there was another reason she didn't share. It wasn't permanent, but for now, she had a parent. And Snape was better than anything she could have hoped for. 

They sat there for a minute in silence, processing. Eventually Yuki said, "It's getting late. We should go in for dinner." 

Indeed, the sun was getting low in the sky and there were only a few students still sitting out by the lake. "Alright." said Ellie. "But before we go, can I ask you guys to keep this between us? Blood status may not matter to you, Yuki, but it matters to some people."

Phineas grinned, "I love secrets."

Ellie smiled back nervously.

As they walked back up to the school together, they left that topic behind and started talking about plans for tomorrow instead. Ellie confessed that she didn't know what people did for fun, other than reading. Yuki also didn't have much experience playing with other children, having spent the first eight years of her life in a rural village being homeschooled by older relatives. Luckily, Phineas had plenty of ideas, having grown up playing magical games like gobstones and exploding snap with his cousins.

After listing a dozen games and activities he said, "Or we could just go to the library and, I dunno, read in the same room together?" If Donna and Adrian were there, Ellie was sure that Phineas wouldn't have suggested it. But Ellie and Yuki both liked the idea.


	10. Very Nearly Perfect

On Sunday, Ellie and Yuki met Phineas in the common room to go down to breakfast together. Donna, Sarah, Theo, and Adrian ate with them but then went off together. Apparently yesterday an upperclassmen had let them try out his broom, and he was going to show them some more today. Ellie preferred to wait for the official flying lessons before trying it herself. The other half of the Slytherin first years who Ellie hadn't had a chance to meet yet weren't at breakfast at all. Tiberius and Ben said good morning, but didn't stick around, so Ellie's trio went off to the library on their own.

They spent a while just exploring and pointing out interesting titles in excited whispers. The librarian kept following them around and glaring at them though, so they picked one book each to check out and brought them down to the lake to read. Ellie found another book on wandlore. It had a promising introduction that talked about the history of the craft and early western wandmakers, but like the last book it too devolved into lists of wands and their attributes.

Yuki took out a book on quidditch, in an attempt to understand the popular athletic phenomenon, and Phineas found a book on traditional forms of wandless magic. It was a pretty old book and Yuki found their descriptions of "quaint Japanese protection charms" insulting and a little bit racist. And the books firmly negative opinion of voodoo was even more overtly racist. But it was still a good place to start for someone like Phineas who had never put much stock in magical traditions not taught at Hogwarts. 

They read their books on the sunny lawn all morning, occasionally sharing interesting passages with each other. After lunch, they went back to the Slytherin common room and Phineas showed them how to play exploding snap. Neither Ellie nor Yuki were very good at it, but Phineas was perfectly happy beating them over and over again. Eventually Ellie managed to excuse herself, saying she wanted to explore the castle more on her own. Yuki and Phineas sympathized with her desire to be alone for a little while, and said they would meet her at dinner.

Ellie headed straight for the potions dungeon. With classes not in session yet, the passages were devoid of students. As she was rounding the corner to Snape's office, though, she ran right into Professor Kamat.

"Hello there. Miss Nihil, isn't it?" 

Ellie thought that she looked strange in dark navy western style wizards robes, rather than the bright sari Ellie had first seen her in. She looked too serious now. "Er, yes. Ellie is fine though. It's good to see you again, Professor Kamat."

"We'll be seeing quite a lot of each other soon, I'd imagine, Miss Nihil. First period tomorrow, though I suppose you don't have your schedule yet."

"No, I think we get them tomorrow morning."

"I imagine you're down here to see Professor Snape?"

Ellie didn't know how to respond. Obviously Professor Kamat knew that Ellie was well acquainted with Snape, but did she know that he was Ellie's foster father? Should she be trying to keep their history from the teachers as well?

She didn't need to respond, though. Professor Kamat simply said, "I won't keep you." and continued down the hall. 

Slightly more wary than she had been, Ellie knocked on the Professor's door. Snape opened it immediately, quickly scanned the corridor, then stepped aside to let her enter. His office looked a lot like the basement potions lab at Spinner's End. There were a few shelves of glass jars containing interesting specimens preserved in various potions and a large cupboard just like the one at home, which probably contained ingredients. Snape sat down at his desk and gestured for Ellie to sit down opposite him.

"Do you need something?" he asked stiffly.

"No I just…" Ellie started. Snape looked very on edge. He had probably just been in here with Professor Kamat, and Ellie wondered what they had discussed to make Snape so nervous. "I just wanted to say hi." she finished lamely.

Snapes mouth twitched into an ironic smile. "Of course. After all my warnings to keep your distance the first thing you do is stop by my office for a chat."

Ellie was a little hurt by this. He had forbidden her from speaking about it, not from seeing him entirely. "I waited a whole day"

Snapes face softened a bit, so he looked more tired than angry. "I know. I'm sorry. We need some sort of system for you to know when it's a bad time for you to come visit…"

"Is it a bad time when Professor Kamat is around?"

Snape narrowed his eyes a bit. "That may be one factor." He closed his eyes and rubbed his temples for a few moments, apparently thinking deep and troubling thoughts. Ellie had seen him do this before when he was working through a problem, and she knew better than to interrupt, so she waited patiently for him to finish. After a while he opened his eyes with a sigh and asked, "So how do you like Hogwarts so far?"

"It's great." Ellie proceeded to tell him all about her time so far. From meeting people on the train, to touring the castle, and even how she explained her family situation to her new friends. Snape nodded and made appreciative mhmm sounds at all the right moments, congratulated her on joining his house, and generally engaged with her stories the way she thought a parent should.

"One whole day indeed," he said. "We both need to get ready for classes tomorrow, though. You can come by my office again at the same time next week."

Ellie tried not to sound too pouty when she asked, "I have to wait an entire week?"

"You'll see me in class. And I can assure you that you won't have time for anything but schoolwork for at least a week." Seeing Ellie's look of disappointment, he added, "Focus on academics and friendship. I'll be around."

Snape checked to see if the corridor was empty before letting Ellie leave. She went up to the great hall and sat with Yuki and Phineas again. Everyone was talking about classes starting the next day. Speculating about which houses would be paired together for which subjects, what their first spells would be, and what the mysterious new defence against the dark arts teacher had in store for them.

 

Monday morning dawned bright and clear, but there was no opportunity to sit outside. Ellie's schedule showed that she had double Defence Against the Dark Arts with Gryffindor in the morning and double Potions with Ravenclaw in the afternoon. Ellie, Phineas, and their roommates were the first to arrive at the classroom, having already been there on Saturday. Yuki wanted to sit in the front, but Ellie was a little wary of Professor Kamat, so she and Phineas convinced her to sit somewhere safely in the middle.

Ellie watched the other students surreptitiously as they filed in. Without any direction, all the Slytherins ended up on one side of the room, with the Gryffindors on the other. When the twins walked in they shot Ellie a dirty look and started whispering to one of their friends. Ellie didn't know what she had done to deserve that, other than be sorted into the wrong house. She hadn't been very invested in the house rivalry until now, but she suddenly felt that it might be justified.

"Why do Gryffindors hate Slytherins so much?" she asked Phineas quietly.

"They like to think that they're better than everyone else."

"Why don't they hate the other houses then?"

"Because Slytherins actually are better than everyone else." he responded seriously. 

Before she had a chance to point out how hypocritical that sounded, Professor Kamat swept into the room saying, "Welcome, students, to your first class at Hogwarts. Quills and parchment out please, I want you taking notes."

Most students had done this already but there was a quiet shuffling of paper as the rest complied. "Now. Who wants to tell me what the purpose of Defense Against the Dark Arts is?"

A few students raised their hands, including Yuki. Ellie answered the question to herself, but kept her hand down. Professor Kamat called on a student in the front. 

The Gryffindor girl said, "The purpose of Defence Against the Dark Arts is to be able to identify and protect ourselves from dark magic and creatures."

"Very good. And what is your name?"

"Angelina. Angelina Johnson."

"Very good, miss Johnson. Class, I'd like to draw your attention to a few points that miss Johnson has just stated so succinctly. First: Dark magic and dark creatures. These are the two pillars of this class. This year we will be dedicating equal hours to each. I would also like to point out the actions she mentioned: Identify and Protect. Or to use a different word, Identify and Defend."

Ellie wrote on her paper, "Dark magic + Dark creatures = 2 pillars. Actions: Identify + Protect/Defend"

Over the scratching of quills, she continued "I would like to extend this purpose now. We are here not only to defend ourselves, but to defend others. And a good defence against the dark arts is a proactive one. So the identify step is crucial here. We must know what the dark arts look like, so we can recognize them when they appear in front of us, at a minimum. And for witches and wizards of a certain ambition, we must know what they look like so we can seek them out and destroy them. Do not be fooled by the name, 'Defence against the Dark arts.' This class is also 'Offence against the Dark Arts.'"

Ellie diligently wrote everything down but felt slightly uncomfortable. She didn't come to Hogwarts to learn how to hunt down Dark Creatures and destroy their nests. The thought of any sort of 'offence,' magical or otherwise, made her a little dizzy. The first thing she had ever learned from professor Kamat when they met over the summer was that there had been a powerful Dark Wizard here in Britain who had attended Hogwarts himself as a boy. Did the Professor expect her to be seeking out potential dark wizards in her own class to destroy?

"That is the purpose of this class." Kamat concluded. "Now, can anyone define the dark arts for me?"

Ellie had asked nearly the same thing of Snape this summer, and he had said that it was a difficult question. Ellie had looked into it herself and come to some conclusions. Broadly speaking, dark creatures were pretty much any magical creatures that could harm humans, which was most of them. The ministry had an official list of what was considered a dark creature for the purposes of banning breeding and private ownership, but such lists varied greatly by country. In some countries, iguanas were classified as dark creatures. And Doxys, despite being classified as extremely dark creatures pretty much everywhere else, were just considered household pests (XXX Ministry classification) in Britain. 

Dark magic was even more nebulous. There were some things that were universally acknowledged as dark magic, such as the unforgivable curses and necromancy, but even those had been used by great and good wizards in the past, in the name of defense. Any sufficiently powerful hex could be dark magic, but hardly any spells were banned here, since there were so many and it was nearly impossible to regulate. So Ellie concluded that Dark Magic was all about intent. The intent to subjugate, manipulate, or cause pain for personal gain was the identifying characteristic of Dark Magic. 

Ellie didn't know how to summarize all of this in a concise statement, though, so she didn't raise her hand. Professor Kamat selected another Gryffindor who answered, "The dark arts are evil magic."

Ellie almost laughed. "Evil" was as hard to define as "Dark." Much to her disappointment, Kamat let this absurd statement go, saying "Right. Dark magic is comprised of evil spells designed to do harm. And Dark Wizards are those who specialize in such magic."

Ellie didn't write that down. "Do harm" was hardly a good definition of evil. The Imperius curse left no lasting damage, but it was still considered one of the most despicable spells out there. Instead, she wrote, "Dark magic is ? (needs more research)"

"Now that we have defined some key terms together, I will explain how this course works. As you may have noticed, there was no textbook assigned for this class. I will be teaching you facts directly during lessons, so you must pay attention and take careful notes. I will ask you to write responses to and summaries of our lessons throughout the year, as well as some longer essays requiring independent research. I may also request that you practice spells outside of class, and I encourage you all to take those assignments seriously, and not as a chance to get out of doing work. Are there any questions so far?"

Ellie wanted to ask her to define Dark Magic better, but decided against it. When nobody raised their hands, she launched right into their first topic, Hags.

The class dragged on for ages, and she could see the other students getting bored. She kept awake by taking detailed notes, along with her own running commentary in the margins. Ellie had never met a hag herself, but she had a hard time believing that anything of near-human intelligence was inherently dangerous or evil. Kamat's description wasn't much more nuanced than the muggle fairytale descriptions of witches that Ellie grew up with. It didn't seem right to approach the subject of the Dark Arts with such a black and white view of good and evil. Ellie made a note at the top of the page to check up on all the claims her Professor was making.

When there were about 5 minutes left, Kamat stopped her lecture. "I want all of you to write a short summary of this lesson before our class on Wednesday, to be turned in. And since it's such an important part of this class, I'm going to come around now and check how well you've been taking notes. Quills down, hands off the table please."

Ellie's stomach dropped, but she obeyed. She certainly had a good volume of notes, but about a third of them were snarky comments questioning the content of the lecture, and occasional ad hominem insults of Kamat herself. Glancing around, she was not the only one who looked nervous. The Gryffindor across the aisle from her was staring at the blank page in front of him in total defeat. If she was very very lucky, Kamat would skim over the notes without reading any of them and give her a pass just for filling the pages.

Professor Kamat was moving through the rows glancing briefly at each person's attempt and making occasional sounds of affirmation or little comments like "good" or "Write a bit neater next time."

Yuki got a "well done" and Phineas received a positive comment on his organization. By the time Kamat reached Ellie, she was blushing furiously. She would hate to get in trouble in her first ever class, but she stood by all the comments she'd made and she was prepared to defend them if Professor Kamat called her out on them publicly.

Kamat hovered over Ellie's shoulder just a little too long before making a non committal "mhm" sound and moving on. Ellie released the breath she had been holding, but the anxiety didn't go away. Sooner or later, this was going to bite her in the butt. 

The second the bell rang, Ellie grabbed her things and practically ran for the door, leaving Yuki and Phineas in the dust. They caught up with her outside the great hall and asked her what was wrong. Wordlessly,  Ellie pulled them off to the side and handed them the notes she had taken.

As Yuki skimmed the page, her eyes widened and she softly said, "Oh no... "

When Phineas finished, though, he burst out laughing. "This is great!" he said. "I love this one. 'Regardless of age, Hags can be identified by their graying hair.  _ Yeah, well so can you _ .' What were you thinking?"

Ellie took the notes back and stuffed them in her bag. "I was thinking my notes were private!"

"Are you going to apologize to her?" asked Yuki.

"Apologize for what?" said Phineas. "Everything Ellie said was right. It's not like Kamat was giving us any evidence for the stuff she was saying. Even that gray hair comment was making a good point about how identifying hags by sight is tricky, and possibly a little misguided."

"I don't think I'll ever be able to look her in the eye again, let alone apologize." said Ellie. "I stand by my points, but if I'd know she was going to read it I would have never said it like that."

Yuki put a hand on her shoulder. "It'll be fine. We're supposed to write that response for Wednesday. You can explain it to her then, and you won't even have to look at her."

Ellie's mood improved as she was eating lunch. All of the first year Slytherins were thoroughly bashing Kamat's first class.

"I've never been so bored in my life." complained Donna.

"We didn't even get to do any magic" said another Slytherin boy, who Ellie just learned was named Matt.

Sarah asked if they thought Kamat would keep checking their notes every day, to which the unanimous response was "I sure hope not."

No one else was complaining about the lack of fair Hag representation, but at least she wasn't the only one who had hated the class.

"Potions is next though. That should be interesting, at least." said Phineas. "Ben said that Snape always makes the first years brew something difficult on the first day to scare us into shape."

Adrian said "I'd take scary and interesting over peaceful and boring any day." There were general nods of agreement all around.

Ellie was careful not to be the first one to the dungeons this time, to avoid having to fake small talk with Snape. When she showed up, most of the Ravenclaws were waiting outside the locked door. After a moment, Snape opened it from the inside and everyone filed into the room quietly. There was something about Snape and the cool dark room that drained all the whispers away. It felt like a serious place for serious business.

Ellie, Yuki, Phineas, and Adrian took a four person table in the back, and waited for Snape to begin. The Professor scanned the class, resolutely avoiding Ellie's eye. He introduced the class by explaining the subtle art of potion making and its tremendous difficulty to get right, and said that he had low expectations for their success. Most of the room seemed to take that as a personal challenge, sitting up a bit straighter. 

Snape had meant it when he said over the summer that he didn't coddle his students. With no preparatory lecture, he immediately had them pair up to attempt a Redgrinther Potion. Ellie had never heard of the potion before, but many of the ingredients and their properties in the instructions on the board were familiar to her. There were blowflies, commonly used for cooling or heat regulation, various roots with healing properties associated with ailments of the brain, and horse hair, which had highly variable effects depending on whether it was added before or after a potion had cooled. Ellie guessed that it was some sort of general headache cure for when you didn't know the exact cause of the pain. She could see no other reason to use 5 different roots in one potion.

The room was very quiet as everyone worked on their potions, determined to prove Snape wrong. She and Yuki worked together quickly and efficiently, keeping a step or two ahead of the rest of the class.

"It says to add three hairs, but they're all different lengths. What should we do?" Yuki asked her.

"It doesn't really matter." said Ellie. "They're just a catalyst. But if you tie little knots in them like this, they work faster." Ellie showed her the trick. And indeed, after only a few seconds of stirring, the potion turned the light green color described in the last line on the board. "Quickly, turn the heat off before it boils down."

Yuki extinguished the flame and looked at their handiwork. There were only a few minutes left in the class, but they appeared to be the only ones who had finished. They had been so focused on their own work that they hadn't even noticed what the rest of the class was doing. Phineas and Adrian were clearly struggling, But Ellie didn't know how to help them at this late stage. Based on the thick consistency of their potion, Ellie guessed that they had added way too much Aggar Paste in the beginning, and it would be far too late to fix it now.

"Time's up. Flames off and step back from the table. I will be coming around to check your work now."

He started at the front of the room and wound his way back. Unlike Kamat, he had very few positive comments. 

"A pathetic attempt, Abrahams.”

“Astounding. You have failed to even make your potion a liquid.”

“I would have expected you to reach this stage an hour ago, Davies.”

“You are to learn the difference between slicing and dicing before you enter this lab again, Sullivan.”

And on and on for each pair. Ellie had thought that he might show some leniency to the members of his own house, since he was reputed to be quite biased, but he seemed determined to find nothing good in any of them.

Ellie and Yuki were the last to be evaluated. Snape looked extremely serious as he stared down at their concoction. He ladled a small sample out of the cauldron and sniffed it, then poured it back in. The other students were craning their necks, trying to see what was taking so long.

Almost inaudibly, he said “Very nearly perfect.” The tables nearby heard him though, and there were many raised eyebrows and significant looks between them.

Still avoiding Ellie’s eye, he asked Yuki, “Did you measure the kellum root slices exactly before adding them?”

Ellie and Yuki exchanged glances. While Yuki has been slicing the roots, Ellie had been stirring, so she didn’t notice the way they had been cut. 

Yuki returned Snapes stare and said, “No, Professor. I only measured the first slice, and approximated the rest.”

Ellie was suddenly very proud of her incredibly brave friend. If Snape was staring her down like that in front of everyone, she wouldn’t be able to answer so calmly. Her tone struck that perfect balance between “I’m sorry for my mistake” and “I’m not making any excuses.”

Snape’s mouth twitched up at the corner slightly and he said, “Next time, measure the thickness of each slice  _ individually _ .”

He strode back to the front of the room and the class reluctantly pulled their gazes from the successful duo in the back.

“Each if you will write an essay on how and why you went wrong today, due at the start of our next class. You are dismissed.”

Ellie and Yuki cleaned up their station in silence, not daring to discuss their victory in front of Snape and the class. A few students glared at them as they left, clearly jealous, but most simply looked curious. On their way out, Lucy Abrahams walked up to them and said, “Hey! You seem good at this. Do you think you could help me with my essay? I have no idea how I messed my potion up so badly.”

Yuki and Ellie looked at each other in surprise. “I mean, maybe.” Said Yuki. “We could try, if you’re able to describe the potion to us.”

“Great!” Said Lucy “could we do it now, while it’s fresh in my mind?”

They had time before dinner, so they decided to go to the library and work on it. Lucy's Ravenclaw friend, Olu, who was her potions partner joined them as well. Yuki was really good at getting them to recollect their process, and was able to write down the complete recipe from memory for them to reference. With Ellie's understanding of the ingredients and a little help from the textbook they were able to identify where they went wrong. While Olu and Lucy wrote their essays about that, Ellie and Yuki tried to think of enough mistakes they made to fill an essay. "Very nearly perfect" didn't make them exempt from the assignment.

"Do you think we should mention the thing about the knots in the hair? Technically that deviated from the instructions." said Yuki.

"Might as well." Ellie shrugged. "I also added a little extra water after step four, since it was getting a little too thick."

"This essay feels more like 'Ellie's brilliant potion fixes' than 'where I went wrong." said Yuki.

Ellie acknowledged that she had a point. Snape definitely didn't want to hear her bragging. "Where I went wrong… well we didn't check each other's work. Maybe divide and conquer isn't the best potion making method. We could say we'll communicate more next time?"

"That's good." said Yuki. "Just a few more little notes like that and we'll be good to go."

When they finished, Yuki and Ellie's essays were much shorter than Olu and Lucy's, but decent enough to hand in. The four girls walked down to the great hall together but parted ways to sit with their respective houses. When they sat down, Tiberius and Phineas were comparing notes on their classes.

"We had defence in the afternoon" said Tiberius, "Thanks for the tip about the notes, by the way, Phin. It was a real lifesaver. I can't believe I thought that 'no textbook' would mean a cool new experiential learning curriculum. How was potions?"

Phineas said, "Yuki and Ellie were brilliant. Snape was really laying into us, like you said he would, but he had, like, nothing to say about their potion. 'nearly perfect' he called it."

"That's not quite true" said Yuki. "There was the thing about not slicing the roots properly."

"Yeah but did you notice that he had to ask you whether you'd done it right? For everyone else he took one look at the potion and knew exactly what they did wrong. If you ask me, he was making it up on the spot, and just didn't want to admit you'd defeated his first year challenge."

"But I  _ didn't _ measure the root slices" Yuki insisted.

"No one's going to remember that part," said Phineas, "They're just going to remember 'very nearly perfect.'"

"Wait a few days" said Tiberius, "By the end of the week people will be saying that Snape called it the most perfect thing he'd ever seen."

"What's perfect?" Said Ben, sliding onto the bench across from them.

"Ellie and Yuki, apparently. Potions geniuses!" said Phineas, with a grin. "You've made quite the impression in both of your classes so far, Ellie."

"How did she manage to make an impression in that mind-numbing Defence class?"

Ellie glared at Phineas. "Don't you dare tell him."

"I love secrets" he said with a cheeky wink. Ellie couldn't believe that this was the same quiet person she'd met on the train. Under the right circumstances, his shyness evaporated entirely.


	11. Magic Tricks

In the common room that night, Yuki helped Ellie draft an apology for Professor Kamat. The actual summary they had been assigned to write only took a few minutes, since the three of them together had some very comprehensive notes. The note for Kamat was short and to the point, basically saying that Ellie thought the notes would be private and that she didn't mean any insult.

"I'm not going to say 'I'm sorry' though, because I'm not."

Phineas agreed wholeheartedly but Yuki said that it would make her life easier in the future if she just swallowed her pride and apologized now. Ellie was not good at swallowing her pride. In addition to the summary and the acknowledgement (not apology) of her wrongdoing, she wrote an extensive essay defending each of her points, beginning with her own definition of the Dark Arts. She managed to run to the library and back before curfew to get a book on Hags. To her disappointment, it verified most of what Kamat had said. But it added enough layers of nuance that she still felt justified in her initial skepticism.

The next day included charms, transfiguration, and herbology. She was completely unsuccessful with her first attempts at spellwork, but the rest of the class was struggling as well so she didn't feel too bad. Herbology with the Gryffindors meant more unwarranted glares from the Weasley twins, but Ellie found her study of potions ingredients had huge payoffs in Herbology as well. Professor sprout awarded 5 points to Slytherin when Ellie was able to correctly identify and explain the uses for 3 plants in a row. 

At the beginning of Wednesday's Defence against the dark arts class, Ellie decided at the last minute not to hand in her dissertation on the subtleties of Hag magic. But she was able to turn in the apology and the summary without looking Kamat in the eyes, as Yuki had suggested. They were treated to another long and boring lecture, which Ellie took neat and accurate notes on. This time when Kamat came around to check, she found everyone's effort to be satisfactory, including Ellie's.

The history of magic lecture was as boring as promised, but Ellie took careful notes in that class as well, just to stay awake. She made no more progress in her next charms and transfiguration lessons, so she was told to practice over the weekend. With classes and homework filling nearly every hour of her day, before she knew it a whole week had gone by and she was walking down to Snape's office on a Sunday afternoon again.

 

Snape was waiting for Ellie this time when she arrived. After Kamat's first visit to his office, he had put wards in the corridor to warn him when she was coming. So far, she had only talked to him at meals or in the hall but Snape knew that it was only a matter of time.

She had come to his office last week, claiming a desire to get to know her fellow teachers better, but Snape had investigated and found that she had made no such visits to anyone else. She asked a lot of seemingly innocuous questions about his past, that nonetheless would reveal things better left alone if he were to be completely honest. She seemed particularly curious about how he had come to be a teacher at Hogwarts at such a young age. He had first approached the school on the Dark Lord's orders but had switched sides before taking up the post, which was not something he thought Mohini should know.

Mohini Kamat did not reveal whether she knew any of this or not, but her annoyingly difficult questions led Snape to believe that she did.  She was clearly suspicious of him. Other than Dumbledore, Sybill was the only one who knew about Snape listening in on that interview, although she remained unaware of the prophecy she had made. But Mohini might be able to read more into that than Sybill, especially if she knew or had guessed some of Snape's darker past.

Dumbledore seemed to trust her, though, so there was little he could do to stop her prying, other than setting stronger wards and protections around himself and his office. He would never be able to put his past misdeeds behind him. He knew this. But having Mohini snooping around forced him to think about things he would rather forget far too often. Of the teachers, she was the only one to know that he and Ellie shared a special bond beyond simply delivering her Hogwarts letter, although he was sure that Dumbledore hadn't told her of the fostering situation. If Mohini was serious about digging up his past, she would exploit that bond eventually. 

He desperately wanted Ellie to never learn about his time as a Death Eater, and was worried that Mohini might reveal something to her. Mohini had asked too many questions about Ellie, and had refused to repeat what she said to Ellie when they were alone together briefly over the summer. All he knew is that Mohini had mentioned Voldemort's death and told Ellie that Snape would know a lot about it. Perhaps Ellie didn't catch the significance of that statement. He could hope.

When Ellie arrived, she spent an hour summarizing all her new experiences that week, but skimming over Potions and defence. Snape was glad that she was adjusting so well, but was a little worried to hear how much trouble she was having with wand magic. 

"What do you think of Defence against the Dark Arts?" he asked her.

"Well.." she said carefully, "I wouldn't want to speak badly of your co-worker. But it's pretty dull."

Snape smirked. "I hear that you tried to make it more interesting."

Ellie winced and asked sheepishly, "Did Kamat tell you about the notes?"

"Yes." he admitted, "But she also said that you apologized, so no harm done. And you should call her 'Professor Kamat' not 'Kamat,' even if you're just with me."

"Yes, sir."

"I'm very pleased with your potions work so far. And your friend Yuki is also doing quite well."

Ellie smiled. "You weren't quite so complementary in class."

"Would you like me to be?"

She seemed to consider the question carefully before saying, "No. I think that would just make people hate us."

"My thoughts exactly. Don't waste your time trying to impress me. You should put effort into your other classes before you fall behind. Are you still struggling to turn a matchstick into a needle?"

"I almost got it yesterday. It definitely got thinner and turned sort of grayish, but I think it was still made of wood."

"Show me," he said, placing a match between them on the desk. Ellie waved her wand and the match changed to look not entirely unlike a needle. Snape picked it up and snapped it in half. "Still wood. You are focusing too much on what it looks like. Transfiguration is about changing the very nature of a thing, not merely its appearance. A matchstick-shaped piece of metal would be more of a success than a wooden needle. Try again."

She tried again, but the match stayed a match. "I think I'm getting worse at it. How does transfiguration work anyway? How can wood be metal?"

"Are you familiar with Gamp's Laws?"

"Professor McGonagall mentioned them."

"When you have a chance, study them. If you understand the theory it might help you perform the spells better. Try again. This time forget about needles, and just focus on making it metal."

Snape spent the next half hour helping Ellie master the spell. It took a lot of effort, but eventually she was able to do it successfully a few times, if not very consistently. 

"Keep practicing. I'll see you in class tomorrow."

She didn't seem very confident in her progress as she gloomily stood up.

"It's only the first week, Ellie. It will get easier."

 

It didn't get easier. Two months into classes, it had become clear that Ellie was by far the worst spellcaster in her year. Phineas had a knack for transfiguration and tried to help, but there was only so much he could do.

"I'm a squib," she said despondently when they were doing homework in the common room one night. "I can't even do a levitation charm and I've been practicing for days."

"I don't think muggle-borns can be squibs," said Phineas unhelpfully. "I think that would just make you a muggle"

Yuki glared at him and tried to comfort Ellie. "You're really good at potions though! And I think that you're Professor Sprout's favorite as well."

"You know there's no reason why a muggle couldn't do potions or herbology," said Ellie. "That doesn't make me a good witch. Anyone could memorize 1000 Magical Herbs and Fungi."

"Well  _ I _ couldn't," said Phineas. "You  _ can  _ do magic though. If you'd just say the magic words and stop overthinking it all the time you'd be fine."

"Aren't you curious how it works though?" asked Ellie. "Like why should saying  _ wingardium leviosa _ and swishing your wand make something levitate? How did they invent the spell in the first place?"

"There you go again. Before you start learning how to invent new spells you should learn the standard ones. It's swish  _ and _ flick. And we'll be starting Defensive spells next week too, so you'd better catch up fast."

Ellie grabbed her things and said, "I'm going to bed."

"But you said you would help me with Herbology."

"Do it yourself!" she snapped, storming off.

When Yuki joined her in their dorm room later, she tactfully declined to comment on the outburst or Ellie's struggles in class. "Are you excited for the Halloween feast tomorrow?"

"I guess." She had to survive back to back Charms and Transfiguration before then, and wasn't feeling particularly enthusiastic. 

Yuki picked up on her mood and didn't push the topic, and they both turned in early.

The next morning Phineas missed breakfast and showed up to Herbology out of breath, just as Professor Sprout was starting her explanation of the day's activity.

"Where were you?" whispered Yuki.

"Overslept," he said irritably. "I had to stay up late classifying stupid plants because you two bailed on me."

"Sorry," Ellie said. "But you shouldn't have left it till the last minute."

"But you promised -"

Ellie suddenly noticed that Professor Sprout had stopped speaking and people were staring at the three of them.

"Ellie," said Sprout kindly, "I thought you might be able to tell us what screaming wellswort is used for?"

"Oh," said Ellie, caught a little off guard. "Well I know that it's used in some poisons to reduce visible symptoms of skin discoloration."

"A rather uncommon example, Ellie, but correct in essence." She continued to the class, "Screaming Wellswort is a medicinal plant used primarily as an ingredient in topical ointments to soothe rashes and skin inflammation. You'll also find it in many beauty products. Now, as the plant matures it needs more room, so we'll be repotting the young plants I have here. Watch those leaves, they're surprisingly sharp. Weasley, if you could distribute them? One per person please."

Ellie was very careful to avoid the leaves of the plant, but as she was lowering it into its new home she felt a burning sensation on her hands. She put the plant down and tried to brush off the soil to see what had happened, but her hands were still dirty. With revulsion, she realized that the skin of her hands was taking on a crusty black appearance. It was spreading quickly, and the pain was getting worse. "Um, Professor?" she said, in a much higher voice than she intended, "What's happening to my hands?"

Sprout rushed over and said, "Oh dear, oh dear. Some vastitatem pollen must have gotten on your plant. You'd better get to the infirmary quickly."

By the time she reached the infirmary, the infection had spread all the way up to her Elbows. Madame Pomfrey had Ellie soak her arms in a thick foul-smelling potion which immediately caused the pain to stop. Her arms were still all black and crusty though.

"If you leave your arms submerged for a few hours that crust should soften enough for you to move your hands normally."

"Hours? Can't you just scrape it off or something?"

"Scrape it off? That's your skin, dear. Believe me it's better to sit in a smelly potion for a few hours than flay your own hands. Magically inflicted scars don't heal so easily."

She tried not to pout. "How long will it take to heal completely?"

"It will be gone by bedtime, if you leave your arms where they are. Longer if you stop the treatment early. There may be a little scarring on the sensitive skin between your fingers where it's already cracked, but it shouldn't be very noticeable. Now get comfortable, you're going to be here for a while."

Ellie ended up missing both of her afternoon classes. On the bright side, Flitwick didn't get a chance to berate her for still not being able to do a levitation charm. But more to the point, Ellie couldn't afford to miss her two most challenging classes when she was already so far behind.

When Madame Pomfrey finally let her go for the Halloween feast, her hands were almost back to normal, but some of the potion had gotten on her robes and she had no time to change. Donna and Adrian were not subtle about wrinkling their noses and moving farther down the bench, but Yuki and Phineas stayed by her side loyally, for which she was grateful.

"I don't get why my pot was the only one with poisonous pollen." Ellie said, moodily prodding at her mashed potatoes. The festive spirit was making her mood worse, rather than improving it as Madame Pomfrey had hoped. 

"Didn't you notice?" asked Yuki.

"Notice what?"

"The Weasleys!" said Phineas. "They were totally laughing at you when it happened. Jordan too. Yuki and I think they did it on purpose. One of them handed out the plants, remember? They could have put something in yours."

Yuki agreed and said, "I bet they think they're really clever pranksters or something."

Ellie put her fork down. "They won't get away with this."

Phineas said, "If you want to start a prank war, I'm totally in."

"Thanks, but I'd rather not get us into any trouble, if possible. I want to try something else first. You know how I met their whole family at King's Cross? Well their brother's a prefect and he said I should go to him if the twins bothered me. We have no evidence, but I think Charlie would believe me. He knows what his brothers are like."

"That was before you were sorted," said Phineas, "Do you think he'd still be keen to help you now that you're a Slytherin?"

"Yeah I do. I've never done anything to Fred and George, and Charlie seemed like a reasonable guy. And if he doesn't give them detention, I can write to their parents."

"Ouch. That's a low blow," said Yuki. "But there's no way we could get in trouble for it, so I'd vote for that over the prank war. You can't just walk up to a 6th year Gryffindor at lunch or something though. How are you going to talk to him?"

"You could send Nomad with a note explaining what happened," said Phineas, jumping on board with the new plan. After dinner, the three of them gathered in the common room to write the letter together.

 

_ Dear Charlie, _

 

_ I hope you are well. I never got a chance to thank you and your family, especially your dad, for being so kind to me on my first day, so I'd like to say thank you now.  _

 

_ You said to come to you if Fred and George ever bothered me, and that you would put a stop to it. I hope that you meant that. Their prank on Halloween caused a serious and painful injury, causing me to miss a full day of classes. There may be permanent scarring. I would appreciate it if you, as a prefect, made sure they received an appropriate punishment. _

 

_ Ellie Nihil _

 

On Friday morning, Ellie scanned the flock of owls delivering the morning post to find Nomad. She thought that she had seen Nomad swoop down to the Gryffindor table, but her view was blocked and she couldn't be sure. She got the confirmation she was waiting for, though, when the twins confronted her before class a few days later. 

"You little snitch!" said one of them. "We got a week of detention each thanks to you."

"You attacked her," Yuki replied, "what did you think would happen?"

"We thought she would confront us herself instead of running to a prefect like a coward."

"Bravery is a Gryffindor trait, remember?" said Ellie. "Slytherins make the smart choice."

"I can't believe dad felt bad for you on that first day, and you turned out to be a Slytherin."

Ellie bristled. "I don't need his pity or anyone else's. Just stay away from me, or next time I'll be telling a teacher instead of a prefect. You deserve far worse than what you got for what you did to me."

"What we did to you? Charlie may have fallen for it, but don't expect us to believe that 'scarring' claim."

Ellie held out one of her hands and spread her fingers wide. There were small raised lines of scar tissue where her skin had cracked before she had gotten to the infirmary. 

It had the desired effect, in that they both looked a little sheepish, but not quite enough for them to apologize. Ellie didn't want an apology, though. She just wanted them to not put poisonous pollen on her plants anymore. She didn't think that was asking much. When no reply was forthcoming, she and her friends left them behind to go to class.

"I'm glad that's over," said Ellie. "I'm falling behind in charms again and I don't have time for those two."


	12. Advice

The next few weeks of term brought Ellie no relief. She continued to excel in Potions and Herbology, but the addition of defensive spells on top of her charms and transfiguration work left her exhausted almost every day. It was even worse because everyone else in the class was excited to finally be doing hands-on work in Defence Against the Dark Arts, but with Ellie's shoddy spellwork she found herself really missing those note-taking classes.

One day Professor Kamat asked her to stay after class. Ellie thought that it would be because she had been unable to perform an adequate smokescreen spell for the second class in a row, but Kamat wanted to talk about her most recent essay.

"I am concerned about your research paper on Dark Charms. You did an excellent job of describing the Stinging Jinx and how to counter it, but you also described quite clearly how to cast it."

Ellie was confused. "Of course. It wouldn't be a very thorough report if I didn't even say how to cast it."

"You are aware that this jinx is excluded from the Standard Book of Spells and is thus not taught here at Hogwarts, aren't you? We do not teach the Dark Arts here, only it's defence."

"Other schools teach the stinging jinx though. It was only classified by the ministry as a dark charm in 1923."

"Yes, when a particularly strong caster killed someone with it. But you seem like you've done your research, so I think you already knew that. Can I ask where you learned how to cast it?"

"It was in a book of duelling spells in the library. It wasn't in the restricted section or anything. Dark charms aren't actually illegal, they just aren't taught."

"I am aware of the laws, Nihil. I am interested in the morality of your essay, not the legality. You described, in detail, how to cast a dangerous spell and then proceeded to list several historical accounts of the jinx being used to win a duel. It could be read as an encouragement to actually use this jinx."

"It could be used defensively," she said stubbornly. "There's nothing inherently wrong with it."

Kamat appraised Ellie sternly then replied, "I would be careful of taking such a broad view of the Dark Arts, Ellie. They have a way of drawing you in and corrupting you if you aren't wary. A powerful spell is not necessarily a good spell, Nihil."

"A powerful spell is neither good nor bad, Professor." she said, with a cool anger. "It is only a spell. Magic is only Dark Magic when cast by a Dark Wizard. Do you think I'm a Dark Wizard, Professor?"

Kamat looked down at the tiny red-haired girl in front of her. It would be ludicrous to suggest that this child, barely 11 years old, was a Dark Wizard. Kamat turned from the girl and walked to her desk, and Ellie could have sworn she heard the Professor say under her breath, "not yet."

"You are dismissed," said Kamat. "For your next assignment, I expect you to confine your research to the approved literature."

 

Yuki and Phineas were equally indignant when Ellie told them about it later. They spent a good amount of time mocking Kamat's peculiar morality and audacious attempt to limit Ellie's pursuit of knowledge.

"If she didn't want us to do our own research, she should have given us a textbook," said Phineas.

Yuki asked, "Are you going to do what she wants for the next essay?"

"Of course not!" said Ellie. "I think it's time to bring out that essay I wrote in the first week. Nothing about the Dark Arts is black and white, and I'm tired of her pretending it is. Magic is just magic until someone uses it to do something horrible."

"Aurors used the exact same spells that you-know-who did in the last British Wizarding war, but somehow they were allowed to." said Yuki. "The ministry is so hypocritical."

Ellie added, "And remember what Binns said about giants last week? When British wizards wanted to round up all the giants and kill them, all they had to do was label them as 'dangerous creatures' and suddenly it wasn't genocide anymore."

"Actually, I don't remember that," said Phineas, "I fell asleep. But that's a good point!"

"Hey, I agree with you," said Yuki, "but do you think it's such a good idea to tell Kamat all this? I mean you're already doing pretty poorly in her class."

"If what she's teaching me is wrong, then I'm proud to be doing badly in her class."

Phineas laughed and said, "You should practice that smokescreen spell first, though. Whether you like Kamat or not, it's a good spell to know."

"I'd rather be practicing the stinging jinx," Ellie answered darkly.

 

In the end, Ellie ended up writing two essays. One on-topic essay that met Kamat's moral expectations, just to prove that she could, and one much longer piece on the ambiguous classification of Dark Magic. Right up to the last moment, Yuki advised her not to turn it in, but Phineas kept egging her on, so she did it anyway. When the essays were returned the next week, she got top marks on the main assignment, but Kamat did not return her piece on the nature of Dark Magic. Kamat did not acknowledge receiving it at all.

Yuki suggested that it might have gotten lost in the pile and that Kamat might not have read it at all, but Phineas took a different stance. "I bet she read it and she knows you're right but doesn't want to admit it. She gave you a good grade on the essay, though, so she can't be too mad."

Soon everyone was talking about their Christmas plans, though, and the Defence Against the Dark Arts drama was forgotten.

"I always do Christmas with the Flint side of the family," said Phineas. "It's this huge extended family thing. I'm not even sure how I'm related to half of them. Everyone dresses up and there's this ridiculous ball with like ice sculptures and stuff, totally overdone. Tiberius and I always stick together though, so it's alright."

"That sounds like a good tradition. I've never been to a fancy party like that," said Yuki, "My family doesn't celebrate Christmas, but it'll be nice to see my parents again. Hogwarts food isn't bad, for British cooking, but I really miss my dad's home cooked meals."

Ellie said nothing. She would be staying at school over break, but she wasn't upset about it. Snape had promised that they would spend some time together, and it would be almost like a family Christmas. She was a little sad that she couldn't tell her friends about her plans though. They were trying to be conscientious of her situation, but with the whole school talking about the upcoming break, it was a hard topic to avoid. Since Ellie didn't have any money and Yuki didn't celebrate Christmas, they agreed to not get eachother any gifts, which was a huge relief for Ellie.

While her roommates were packing their things to get on the Hogwarts express, Ellie was reading in bed. Donna asked, "Hey, how come you're not going home for break?"

Ellie shrugged noncommittally. Yuki and Phineas were still the only ones who knew she was an orphan.

"Matt said that he saw you this summer with Snape in Diagon Alley…"

Yuki and Sarah kept folding their clothes, but Ellie could see that they were listening carefully. "So what?" said Ellie, defensively.

"Well, it's just that I heard a rumor and I was wondering if it was true or not…"

"You shouldn't listen to rumors," said Ellie, snapping her book shut.

"Don't you want to know what they were saying?"

Ellie didn't answer. She  _ did _ want to know what they were saying, but she was also afraid to hear.

Donna continued, "Matt said, well he heard it from someone else first and they weren't all that certain… but they said that you were raised by muggles, but when they, like, found out you were a witch they disowned you or something. And now the school has to take care of you."

There was more truth in it than Ellie liked, but at least no one had actually found out that Snape was her guardian. "That's a stupid rumor," said Ellie.

"Is it true though?" Donna asked, "That you were raised by muggles?"

"That's none of your business," Ellie said sharply. 

Donna went back to packing. "Fine. I was just asking."

 

On Christmas day, Ellie went to find Snape in his office. They talked about classes as usual for a while, and then Ellie mentioned the rumor about her muggle heritage.

"I thought you had told your friends about being raised in a muggle Children's home?"

"Donna isn't my friend, just my roommate. Yuki and Phineas are the only ones who know."

"Why don't you want them to know you don't have parents? I hope this isn't for my sake. Saying that Hogwarts is taking care of you is actually a good rumor to have."

"I just don't want them to know I'm muggle-born."

"You may not be. There's no way to know."

"I am," said Ellie. "That's why I can't do charms or anything. There just isn't enough magical blood in me."

Snape felt a sudden urge to hug her, as unhelpful as that would be. He had experienced similar doubts as a half-blood in Slytherin. "Muggle-born witches are just as capable of magic as purebloods, Ellie. I know that many of your classmates will not share that belief, but it's true."

Ellie didn't seem at all cheered by this. "Then what's wrong with me?"

"You just need practice, and confidence. If you stop thinking so hard, it will come naturally."

"I wish people would stop giving me that advice," said Ellie. "I just want to understand the spells I'm performing. What's so wrong with that? Why would understanding make me a worse witch?"

Snape wanted to explain how doubting whether a spell would work could actually affect the strength of the spell, according to Arwen Denki's  _ Properties of Magic _ , but it didn't seem like the right time. "I know you want to understand the spells. Most people aren't ready to study the deep fundamental laws of magic until much later, if ever, but I think in your case it may help. Here, open your Christmas present." Snape stood and went to the cabinet to retrieve the simply wrapped gift, and handed it to Ellie gently.

She carefully unwrapped the small rectangle to find  _ Magical Theory _ by Adalbert Waffling. Her bitterness seemed to wash away as she skimmed the introduction of the book. "It's perfect," she said.

Then, much to Snape's surprise, she stood up and gave him a hug. In his months as Ellie's teacher, the fostering situation had faded from the forefront of his thoughts. But right then it felt terribly important that he, as her foster father, had given her a Christmas present. And she, as his foster daughter, had given him a hug. He could not have dreamed of a better gift.

Unsure of what to do next, he said, "I think it's about time we get to the Christmas feast. You should go ahead first, and I'll catch up."

Ellie said she wanted to put her book in her room first, but she would see him there. The great hall was beautifully decorated and the faculty table was fully occupied, but each of the house tables had only a dozen or so students. Snape saw Ellie sitting quietly, not talking to any other students, and wished that they could be celebrating together. 

Most of the students still in the room were 5th and 7th year students who were staying over break to study for their upcoming exams. He was suddenly struck by how young Ellie looked next to the other students. He had looked into it, and she was in fact the youngest Hogwarts student currently enrolled. And sitting among the upperclassmen, this was even more apparent.

Snape didn't appreciate the feast as much as his other colleagues. He was actually in a pretty good mood, but he always had a hard time getting into the party spirit. He made polite smalltalk with Sinistra and even pulled a cracker with Dumbledore, since he insisted, but overall he was relieved when it was over and he could go to bed. From across the room, Ellie looked the same way. Before she left the table, she met Snape's eyes briefly and gave him a small smile, which he returned.

All things considered, it was one of his better Christmases.

 

Ellie spent the rest of the break studying Waffling's work. As Snape had warned, it was a difficult topic and Ellie had to keep stopping to look things up, but it was an immensely satisfying read. Here, for the first time, was an explanation of what magic was. Waffling described it as a fundamental force of energy, like gravity or electromagnetism. Electricity was still a relatively new invention when he was born, and he was convinced that muggles had somehow tapped into an energy that was deeply related to magic and learned how to harness it, despite not being magically inclined themselves.

This magical theory book focused on fundamental magical laws of balance and equal exchange, but he also had a lesser known volume that Ellie discovered in the library, detailing his experiments with electricity and magic. In summary: they were all failures. By Ellie's time, it was well known that magic caused electronic devices to go haywire, but Waffling had been the first to really theorize on why it happened.

Even more importantly, though, Magical Theory acknowledged that wand magic was just one of many methods that wizards have used throughout history to tame wild magic. All magical creatures and plants were to greater or lesser extents able to use this energy naturally, to grow or hunt or disguise themselves. And some human children, most commonly children of wizards, were able to use magic naturally, but they lost the ability to do this as they got older, so wizards invented ways to summon and direct that energy.

Waffling explained some known limitations of magic as well, although he acknowledged that it was an ever expanding art and many things once thought impossible turned out to be quite doable once the right witch or wizard found a way. Pushing those limits was incredibly dangerous though. He warned that the first fundamental law of magic was that you couldn't alter the deepest and most important mysteries of the world - life and self - without facing the most dire of consequences.

Ellie didn't want to alter the nature of the world, though. She couldn't imagine a situation in which she would want to raise someone from the dead or magically transform her own personality. For the first time, though, she wondered if the castle ghosts were reaping the reward of their magical prowess, or suffering the consequences of pushing the fundamental laws of magic too far.

This was the most important book she had ever read, she decided, and it should be required reading for every student. She was amazed that anyone was allowed to learn magic without first understanding magical theory. She couldn't make everyone read it, but she could at least share it with her friends.

When they got back from break, Ellie immediately insisted that they read the book, but with classes in session again they hardly had time. Seeing how important it was to Ellie, though, they made an effort, and by the time February rolled around they had at least read it, if not understood all of it.

"I want to invent a spell," Ellie declared.

Phineas seemed doubtful. "That's some really advanced magic, Ell. Most wizards never even attempt it. Is the magical theory not enough for you right now?"

Yuki said, "I don't know, if it helps you understand wand work better so you can keep up in class, it could be worth a shot…"

Yuki looked at her wand. She had never felt as connected to it as she did on that day in Diagon Alley, and she had a strange feeling that it knew how much she doubted it. "Maybe the problem is the wand," she mused.

"What, was it a really cheap one or something?" asked Phineas. "My dad got a spare Kiddell-made wand once and he ended up returning it because it was so bad."

"No, it's an Ollivander wand. I have no idea how much it should have cost though, since he gave it to me for free." Ellie explained the story of the wand choosing her and they were both pretty amazed.

"That makes it sound like some kind of priceless possession," said Phineas, "But then again he may have given it for free because he knew it was a dud."

"It's a really rare wood," said Ellie, "Acacia. I couldn't find it in any of my wandlore books, though. Maybe there's some trick to it."

Yuki nodded thoughtfully, "You may be on to something there. I always thought that wand work was easy because wands were so well made, but they do have different temperments. Maybe you could write to Ollivander and ask for his advice?"

 

Ellie wrote a letter explaining her predicament. She also asked why the wands were special, and why he had given it for free. She tried to be as nice as possible about it, but the more she thought about it the more she resented getting a special wand. Maybe if she had a nice simple chestnut wand she would be doing better in school.

When a few weeks went by with no response, though, she pretty much gave up on the idea. Her classes were harder than ever, and she needed to put all her effort into them. She still found time for little forays into the library though to keep up her research on magical theory. Disappointingly, there was no dramatic increase in her skills, but she still appreciated the topic for its intrinsic worth.

One Sunday, she told Snape about her desire to invent a spell, and was shocked to learn that he had invented several spells himself as a student. "How could you have made so many spells? Everyone was telling me how hard it is, and that wasn't even worth trying."

"It is incredibly hard," said Snape. "I hope this doesn't surprise you, but I was an unusually adept wizard when I was at Hogwarts. Once you learn how to bind the word to the magic the first time though, it is fairly simple to do again."

"Could you teach me?" she asked, eagerly.

"I probably shouldn't. Technically speaking, all new spells are supposed to be registered with the ministry for approval. And seeing as I never registered mine, it could lead to some awkward questions. Given the difficulty of proving who invented a spell, the ministry doesn't make an effort to enforce this law. But still, as a Hogwarts teacher, I should be setting an example."

Ellie thought that was a pretty lame excuse. "I can keep a secret."

His mouth twitched, "I know you can." He seemed lost in thought for a moment or two then said, "Alright. I can show you, but I'll warn you now that it could take years for you to be able to do it."

"Years?" she asked weakly, "What sort of magic takes years?"

"The hardest kind," he said. "The first thing you'll need is a spell idea. The process I will teach you allows you to bind a word or phrase to a piece of magic, so you can call that magic up again at will. There is much more to it than that, but we can do nothing else till you have the word and the intention."

"Ok, let me think for a minute…"

"This isn't something to decide on a whim, Ellie. It has to be a magic that you have a strong affinity for. And you have to be certain that it isn't already bound to another word. This should take at least a week or two of research, so put some thought into it."

 

Ellie thought about it a lot over the next week, and when she met Snape the following Sunday, she had made her decision. "I want to do the spell I did at Ollivander's when my wand chose me. I couldn't find any spells that quite matched what I did."

"Good," he said approvingly, "And the word?"

" _ Restinctio Lux _ ."

"Very good. The next step is the hardest. And there would be no shame in giving up now." He paused, but Ellie still looked determined, so he continued, "You must be able to perform this spell, wordlessly, with will alone."

"But how do I do that?"

"You could start by learning nonverbal magic."

"But Hogwarts doesn't even teach that until the 6th year!"

"I did tell you it would be difficult."

Ellie felt betrayed. She'd put a lot of effort into coming up with the right word, and now he was basically telling her that she wouldn't be able to do it until she mastered O.W.L. level magic.

"It's not as bad as it seems," he said, "Remember that you have already cast this spell once before, and quite spectacularly I may add. If you have a strong enough affinity for this magic, it will come to you more easily than attempting to learn an existing incantation that you have no connection to. Go on, try."

Ellie held her wand out and focused the full force of her will on producing the light, but nothing happened. Snape didn't seem concerned. "All there is to do now is keep trying. Don't spend too much time on it, but when you have a chance, try to tap into that raw magic and make something happen. I'll see you next week."


	13. Secrets

By April, though, Ellie had still made no progress. "I'm not giving up," said Ellie cautiously, "But don't you have any more useful tips than 'keep trying'?"

"No," he replied seriously, "But I don't want to talk about that today. I want to talk about Defence against the Dark Arts."

Ellie tried to act nonchalant when she asked, "What about it?" but she knew Snape wouldn't be convinced. In truth, she had gotten in the habit of writing two responses for each assignment. One that exactly matched what was expected of her, which Kamat returned with top marks without fail. And one containing a more controversial and nuanced take on the topic of the week, which Kamat kept to herself and never gave back.

"I thought that the note taking incident was a one-time offence, but I see I was wrong. Professor Kamat showed me an essay that you wrote in December. As she described it: A Manifesto in favor of the Dark Arts."

"Did you read it?"

"Of course"

"Then you know that nothing I said in it is wrong."

"I do not care whether it is right or wrong. You will stop this foolishness immediately. Believe me, you do not want the reputation of being in favor of the Dark Arts."

"I'm in Slytherin, I'm going to have that reputation no matter what."

In an exasperated tone, he continued, "These are not topics to be taken lightly, as an intellectual exercise on morality. Perhaps this has not sunk in yet, as coddled as you are, but the subject of that class is life and death."

"But if Kamat is wrong then -"

"Enough!" he shouted, standing up from his desk. "I will hear no more about this. You will do your assignments, as instructed, and cease provoking your teacher. You are fortunate that this has not already led to disciplinary action, or worse."

"What do you mean worse?"

Snape began pacing, "Are you aware, Ellie that Mohini Kamat was a world-renowned auror before she became a teacher?"

"What? No, she never said -"

"But surely you were listening on the first day when she was expounding her views on the best way to counter the dark arts? By proactively seeking out potential Dark Wizards?"

"But I'm her student, she couldn't think -"

"You do not even see the danger you are in. Your age means nothing to her. So please stop handing her evidence that you are not to be trusted with magic!"

His meaning finally sunk in. "I'll stop," she said in a small voice. "I'm sorry."

"Don't apologize," he said, "just be careful what you say to her in the future."

 

Ellie did as Snape asked and kept her head down. She didn't mention the reason to her friends, but neither of them complained that she was ending her quiet campaign against their defense teacher. They were very excited for her, though, when she received her first ever owl delivery as a Hogwarts student.

"Is it from Ollivander?" Yuki asked.

"I think so," said Ellie, "Should I open it now?"

"Yeah, of course, you've waited long enough!" Phineas insisted.

 

_ Eileen Nihil, _

 

_ The acacia wand chose you, so it clearly sees something in you that has not yet become apparent in your classes. It can take time to build up trust between the wand and the wizard, but when you work well together this wand has the potential to be extremely powerful.  _

 

_ Acacia tends toward subtlety, and does not perform showy tricks on demand. When you master yourself and your purpose in casting, you will find success. I look forward to seeing what you accomplish with it. _

 

_ As for why I gave it to you for free, I must admit that I was still under the influence of your spell. That wood was acquired for a significant price from a great distance, and is nearly impossible to re-stock. Still, it is too late to ask you to pay now. _

 

_ Garrick Ollivander _

 

"Well that answers some questions," said Ellie upon finishing the letter, "But his advice isn't that helpful. 'Master Myself'? What does that mean?"

"I'd love to know a spell that could make shopkeepers so happy that they give me their most valuable wares," said Phineas. "Think you could teach me?"

"I'd love to but the spell doesn't exist yet. It was sort of a one time thing. I've been trying to do it again, but no luck so far." She didn't mention Snape's role in this, since her friends still didn't know where she disappeared to every Sunday afternoon.

"Let me know if you figure it out," said Yuki, "That could be really useful."

 

Ellie redoubled her efforts in charms and transfiguration, with a moderate degree of success. She wasn't sure if this was because she was 'mastering her purpose in casting' or just practicing a lot, but she liked to think that her deeper understanding of magical theory was helping her. When she imagined the magic coming through the air and being channelled through the wand, she seemed to be most successful. It was a little frustrating to see Yuki perform each new charm with little to no forethought or effort, but Ellie wouldn't begrudge her friend her success.

As the year went on, it became clear that Yuki was not a potions genius, but merely good at following instructions. Whenever she paired up with someone other than Ellie, there was a marked decrease in her performance. Conversely, whoever paired up with Ellie was inevitably the second best in the class. Whenever she could get away with it, Ellie would make little adjustments to the instructions to speed things up or otherwise improve them. Snape never commented on them directly, but Ellie was sure that he noticed and approved.

"I wish I was a teacher's favorite," said Phineas one night when they were studying for finals in the common room. "You've got Snape and Sprout, and Yuki has Flitwick in her pocket, but I'm just middle of the pack in everything."

"I'm practically failing three of my classes, Phin," Ellie pointed out, "I wouldn't emulate me too much. I think I'd rather be average in all my subjects."

"You wouldn't be saying that if you were in my shoes. Sometimes I'm surprised they even remember my name." he said, "Whereas you're practically famous."

Yuki looked up from her book and said, "Ellie's not famous. She's  _ infamous _ . I'm the famous one."

"Ha ha very funny," said Ellie dryly, "It's only Kamat that hates me, McGonagall just gets that annoying disappointed look sometimes…"

She trailed off as a couple of 6th years walked up to their table and glared at them. "You're in my seat, mudblood."

Ellie vaguely recognized him as someone on the house Quidditch team, but couldn't remember his name. She glared back and menacingly as she could, given she was half his size. "You don't own this seat. It's for any Slytherin to use."

He didn't budge. "You're a disgrace to this House. If Salazar Slytherin knew there was a filthy mudblood like you sitting in his common room, he'd kill you himself." His two equally unpleasant friends slowly pulled out their wands in a not-so-subtle threat.

Ellie knew that the safe thing to do in this situation would be do give up her seat and move away, as quickly as possible. When she had been bullied by muggles as a child, that's exactly the sort of thing she did. She never rose to the bait. She stayed cool and walked away. Because when she did let that anger boil up, she got situations like Brian Bunt, who broke his nose, or those girls who called her horse-face and then got really sick.

But she hadn't had any magical outbursts since Snape rescued her that night. And she didn't feel like being cool. "It's a good thing it's just you here, then," she said, also drawing her wand.

The crowded common room had gone very quiet. It seemed like all eyes were on them, but no one was moving to stop it or take sides. The tense moment stretched on and on until the big Slytherin finally gestured to his cronies to put their wands down. A duel with a first year in the common room probably wasn't worth the punishment. "We'll see you around, mudblood."

When the menacing trio left the room, the tension faded and conversation slowly started back up again. Ellie put her wand away and realized with surprise that her hand was actually shaking.

"What were you thinking?" demanded Phineas. "That Andrew White guy is really ruthless. What would you have actually done if they attacked? You can barely levitate a feather!"

"They weren't going to attack anyone in the common room," said Yuki logically, "There are way too many witnesses. You should watch your back from now on though. It wouldn't be good to run into those guys in a dark corridor."

That wasn't what was bothering Ellie, though. "They're right," she said quietly, "I'm a mudblood and I shouldn't be in Slytherin."

Phineas tried to put a comforting hand on her shoulder, but she shook it off. "I'm going to bed."

Phineas protested, "But it's only 7 o'clock -"

"Goodnight."

Ellie quickly grabbed her things and went back to her room. She changed into her pajamas and got into bed, blowing out the candles on the way. She waited a few minutes to see if Yuki would follow her, but she seemed to have gotten the message that Ellie wanted to be alone. Sitting in the darkness with the bed drapes closed, she silently cried.

Clutching her wand to her chest, she tried to imagine what would happen if she ran into those guys in the hallway. Most likely, she'd try to defend herself but nothing would happen, because she couldn't do magic. She was even more helpless now than she had been as a bullied child lashing out with uncontrolled magic. Quietly, she murmured, " _ lumos _ " and her wand tip ignited. There was one spell she could do, at least. She let the light fade and she was left in an even deeper black than before.

Her parents were muggles, she decided. Her mother was probably some stupid teenager who got pregnant before she was ready and didn't want the responsibility. Hoping for anything else was sheer foolishness. And maybe Salazar Slytherin had been right when he decided he only wanted wizards of pure ancestry in his house. Clearly, she wasn't giving Slytherins a good name. Was it too late to be a Ravenclaw? She hadn't been able to deny in that moment that she was muggle-born, and now surely everyone who heard that exchange would know about her blood status. Knowledge was power, but she was on the wrong side of it. 

Maybe she could just go back to the muggle world and be a scientist like she'd planned. Adalbert Waffling would approve, at any rate. And since she'd skipped a grade, this year at Hogwarts wouldn't even put her behind…

She twirled her wand in little figure eight motions, like she had done at Ollivander's. If there was ever a time for a peace-bringing light, now was it. Her tears brimmed over and flowed down her cheeks. Closing her eyes, she tried to capture that peaceful feeling again. Everything was right with the world. She had everything she needed. Everything she could ever want…

Slowly, those thoughts became more real, and she started to feel a bit better. Things would work out, she knew. And if they didn't, that would be alright too. Everything was already alright and she didn't have to change a thing. A delicious warmth spread through her and her tears dried on her face. Opening her eyes, she saw the light of her wand. It was a soft, pulsing amber, and the most beautiful thing she had ever seen. 

She held onto the magic for another minute or so before allowing the light to go out and the warmth to dissipate. The afterglow of the Light of Fulfillment stayed with her, though, long after she drifted off to sleep.


	14. Restinctio Lux

Kamat had set off Snape's wards three times in the last month. So far, he hadn't confronted her about it, but it was obvious that she was still investigating him. He wondered if Dumbledore knew. And if he did, whether he approved. The headmaster was always keeping an eye on Snape, making sure that he wasn't getting up to any of his old mischief, but also making sure he maintained an appropriately dark reputation. But surely he wouldn't want anyone else snooping. Snape knew too many of Dumbledore's own secrets for that to be acceptable.

He had almost brought it up with the headmaster on several occasions, but it never quite felt like the right time. And now that the year was almost over, it seemed too petty to make a complaint. As far as he knew, Kamat was still planning to leave at the end of the year. Perhaps that was the reason for the sudden uptick in her investigative explorations down in the dungeons. If she wanted to find some dirt on him but hadn't found it yet, she was running out of time.

Snape knew she wouldn't find anything here. Even if she knew that he had been a death eater. Even if she knew that his role as a teacher was a pretense. He had kept his nose clean for years, no matter how bored he became, and kept well away from the Dark Arts. And until Dumbledore realized that Snape would be the ideal Defence Against the Dark Arts teacher, Snape would continue to do so.

Snape was grading papers in his office when Ellie burst in saying, "I did it! I did the spell!  _ Restinctio Lux _ . Without the words, I mean. Just once, but it worked!"

Snape was impressed. "That was fast. What brought it out of you?"

Ellie shrugged, "Nothing in particular. I just, you know,  _ willed _ it to happen."

"Well that is the hardest step over with. Do you think you could do it again?"

Her face fell a little bit, "Well I haven't been able to do it again since then, but if I did it once…"

"Don't worry," said Snape. "If it was easy to reproduce unbound magic at any time, we wouldn't have any need for spells. If you can do it just once more, for the binding ritual, that is enough. Are you ready now?"

"Now? Like right now?"

"No point in waiting. I can say the binding incantation myself while you do the spell. If you want to keep inventing spells you'll have to learn to do both parts yourself, of course, but I don't think you are capable of it yet."

"Wait," Ellie said, "can you explain it first? How does the binding spell work? Who bound the binding spell?"

Snape settled back into his chair. Of course she would want answers more than she would want the magic itself. He should have expected this, but he got a little ahead of her with his own excitement. 

"Very well," he said, "A brief history lesson. Ancient history, really. Before the invention of wands, magic was quite different, but it has always been manipulated by language. Through written charms, rune-magic, magic-imbued songs, and ritual chanting, among other things, early human magic users sought to control the wild magic. This was practiced a million different ways all over the world, wherever there were magic-users to be found. 

"Early wand-users found that it was easier to direct the magic through the wand core if they used language. They found that the more they performed the same magic, with the same word, the stronger the connection between word and action became. This had always been true of wandless magic as well, but wands magnified the connection tenfold. It became a common practice for wizards to have their apprentices repeat the same words and actions over and over again in order to strengthen that connection. And when the bond was strong enough, they would add it to their book of magic, and it would be considered a spell.

"Naturally, this was very time consuming work, and only a truly great wizard could perform the magic consistently enough to make a good spell. Fortunately, a brilliant witch of the Roman Empire, whose name has been sadly lost to time, had the idea to create the spell of spells, also known as the spell of binding. She spent her whole life on it, and to this day no one has been able to discover how she first got the magic to happen. But once she had it, she could use it to make other spells. And every time she did, the spell of binding became stronger.

"At its peak, before her death, she only needed to say the binding incantation once, perform the spell she wanted to create, and then say the closing words. She taught this technique to her apprentices, and ushered in an incredible era of spell creation, the likes of which the world will likely never see again. Spells have a certain shelf life, you see. If wizards keep using them, they keep their potency, but as they lose popularity, they also lose power, which tends to drive them even further from the realms of common use.

"After this golden age of spell creation, it became easier to simply use existing spells rather than create your own. The binding spell was never an easy feat of magic to perform, even at its strongest point. By the time Hogwarts was founded, few wizards chose to learn the art. Salazar Slytherin was perhaps the last great inventor of spells. In every generation there are a few who keep the practice alive, and preserve the binding spell by using it, but it is well over 2000 years old now.

"The most popular spells persist, but as you progress here at Hogwarts you will find that some spells take incredible effort to have even the weakest effect, while others require hardly any thought at all. This is a good clue as to when the spell was invented and its subsequent popularity. The strength of the caster who performed the binding spell also has a long-lasting impact on the lifespan of the spell. There are many little tricks and charms created for amusement that fade within the year, the week, or the hour. 

"But just as the wand shaped the spell, the spells you cast can have an impact on your wand. Wands remember, and they learn. So an accomplished spell inventor will find it easier to do, and with better effects, as the years go on. 

"It is worth mentioning, however, that the spell of binding has only ever been a shortcut. The only true way to bind the word and the will together is endless repetition. I have never attempted to create a spell this way. But the very best of the old Roman spells, the ones that always perform well no matter how uncommon they become, were all made in this manner. The last spell of this kind that I know of was invented in the middle ages."

Ellie asked, wide-eyed, "What spell is it?"

"The Killing Curse."

Ellie swallowed and carefully asked, "How did you learn all this?"

"Although it is an uncommon choice of study, there is nothing secret about it. There are at least a dozen books in the library containing the words of the incantation and how to use it."

Ellie shook her head, "I don't understand how people aren't more interested in this. No matter how difficult it is, wouldn't it be worth it? To make any spell you want?"

"Most spells already exist, Ellie. And you may find your creativity running out once you've made a few. There are so many general spells that can be suited to your needs by just the tiniest twist of intention.  _ Aguamenti  _ can have enough force to put out a fire or be gentle enough to use as an eyewash. Why invent a spell to create a wave, when there is already an existing one? The only real reason to invent a spell is simple magical curiosity."

"But lots of people have magical curiosity. Why doesn't everyone make one just once, for the experience?"

Snape sighed, "Once again, I would like to impress upon you how difficult it is to do, let alone do well. Which is why I will be performing the incantation, and not you. Do you want to do it or not?"

"I do," she said quickly, "I just want to understand first."

"It will take a lifetime for you to understand everything you want to know. You can't wait for perfect clarity before using any magic at all. You know enough. You have known about magic for less than a year, and already understand it better than most people ever will. Savor the learning, Ellie. The books aren't going anywhere. Your wand, however, is forgetting your spell even as we speak."

"Ok, you're right," she said, "Just give me a minute to get ready."

Ellie took out her wand and closed her eyes, sitting perfectly still. Snape watched her in silence for several minutes, while she gathered whatever mental energy she needed. When she finally opened her eyes, she looked determined, but calm. Ready.

"I will do the incantation now," he said, "and when I give you the signal, you can begin. I will maintain the binding spell for as long as it takes, so focus only on your magic."

Snape spoke the familiar latin words, carefully enunciating each one. There was no wand movement for this spell, nor were there any visible sign of its success. No smoke, no light, no flashing. He had to just focus intensely on the flow of magic and feel when it was strong enough to release. When the tension in the wand reached its peak, he allowed it to spread, but held it taut. It was important to hold onto the power until the spell was completed. Making spells on his own, this had been one of the hardest things to do, but with a partner it became almost trivial.

He nodded to Ellie and she began moving her wand in small figure-eight movements. Then clearly and precisely, she said, " _ Restinctio Lux." _

The wand tip lit up and Snape felt that peculiar sense of peace and fulfillment that he had first experienced in Ollivander's wand shop. It made it hard to concentrate on the binding spell, but he held on. As soon as Ellie released the magic and the light started to fade, Snape finished the incantation.

Exhausted, he let his wand arm drop. There were few spells that took as much out of him as this.

“Did it work?” Asked Ellie hopefully.

“I think so. Have you always done that wand movement when you attempted this spell?”

“Oh, yes. Is that ok?”

“Yes, of course, it’s fine. I believe that you have made it an integral part of the spell though, and it is likely that you won’t be able to do it without the corresponding wand movement.”

“Flitwick always teaches charms with wand movements, though. Don’t most spells need one?”

He smiled slightly, “it’s a stylistic choice. For the most part, wand movements are added after the spells creation, but they come to be integral to the casting as more wizards use it and the magic evolves. Personally I was never fond of foolish wand waving so I didn’t use them in my spells, but there is nothing inherently wrong with it.”

“How do I know if it worked?”

“If the binding worked as intended, you should be able to say the words and perform the spell consistently now with little effort. But the best test of success is having someone else perform your spell. If someone can say the words and do the movement and create the desired effect without even knowing what the spell does, you will know that we have done a good job.”

Ellie shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “I don’t know if I want to share my spell. It’s too, I don’t know, personal.”

Snape understood that feeling. He usually kept his spells to himself. He shared one of his spells once, in order to impress some of his classmates, but it had backfired horribly when it was later used against him. There were few things worse than having your own creation used against you.

“Would you let me try it?” He asked.

Ellie hesitated, but assented, so he mimicked her wand movement from earlier and said the spell. His wand lit up immediately and was suffused with a deep feeling of contentment. The power of the spell seemed to be stronger the closer you were to the light source. He ended it quickly.

“I’d be careful with this,” he warned, “it could become addicting.”

Ellie smiled lazily, still clearly under the effects of the magic. Snape had an uncommon mastery of his own mind and had little to fear from such a transparent charm, but his discipline did not come without practice, he knew.

"I mean it. That sense of confidence and self-assuredness is not genuine."

"I know, Professor," she said a bit more seriously, "But I think I've earned it."

"Alright," he replied, "I need to finish these papers. You should go rest after doing that spell. I know you feel good now, but once the effects wear off you'll be exceptionally tired."

"I didn't even get to tell you about my week," she said.

"The term's almost over. We'll have plenty of time to talk this summer. Goodnight, Ellie."

"Goodnight, Professor."

 

Walking out of Snape's office, Ellie was happier than she had been for months. And despite what Snape said, it wasn't because of the spell. Or rather, it was because of the spell, but not in the way he suggested. Her sense of satisfaction came from something real: she was capable of great magic. Ollivander had been right, her wand wasn't a dud, it was just waiting for Ellie to find purpose in her magic. Ellie felt purposeful just then, striding down the dungeon corridor, back to her dorm.

She knew there was more to wandlore and magical practices than she'd found so far, and both Snape and Ollivander seemed to know a lot about it. This summer she would find the right books and the right sources and start studying the topic seriously. The possibility of becoming a legendary witch, with her name eventually lost to time, seemed almost within reach.

"Hey, mudblood," said a voice behind her, "Where do you think you're going? Not to my common room, I hope. We already told you that you're not welcome in Slytherin."

Ellie pulled out her wand and whipped around to see Andrew White and his two cronies again. They all had their wands out this time, and there were no witnesses.

"Let's teach this mudblood a lesson."

Ellie ducked just in time as a bolt of red light narrowly missed her head. She heard something crack and explode behind her. That was no bat-bogey hex, she realized with a jolt. He was really trying to hurt her.

She leapt to the side as two more spells missed her and ricocheted down the corridor. Desperately, she ducked behind a convenient suit of armor and racked her brain but could think of nothing she had learned in defense against the dark arts that year to help her. She'd read of a shield charm, but what was the incantation?

A spell hit the suit of armor with a sharp clang, causing it to fall backwards onto her. The three Slytherins laughed cruelly as she struggled to get out from under the heavy plate mail.

Stumbling to her feet, she shouted the stinging hex and slashed her wand with a sharp jerk. The boy on the left screamed horribly and clutched at his rapidly swelling face, and the one on the right dropped his wand as the hex caused his arm to malform into a hideous parody of a human limb.  The spell must have hit White across the chest, because Ellie could see no effect, but he sucked in his breath sharply like he had just been hit.

He strode forward, undeterred, and Ellie stumbled back, trying to remember another spell, any spell, she had found in that duelling book. She didn't know what it would do, but with all the will she could muster she screamed, " _ Stupefy! _ "

The unexpected force of the spell knocked Ellie off her feet and sent her three attackers flying several feet down the hall where they landed with a sickening crunch. She got up quickly and pointed her wand at them, waiting for the next attack, but they seemed to be knocked out.

From behind, she heard a shout of, " _ Expelliarmus! _ " and her wand flew from her hand. She turned and saw Professor Kamat standing there, wand drawn and pointed straight at Ellie. She looked furious. "What have you done?" she demanded, voice shaking. 

Ellie heard someone running up behind her but didn't dare to check who it was. Kamat's wand was pointed threateningly at the young girl, and Ellie was unarmed.

"Put your wand down, Mohini." said Snape, appearing beside Ellie. His wand was drawn and ready, though, and Ellie didn't feel reassured.

"There is a darkness in her, Severus. I need to stop her before she hurts anyone else."

"Think of what you are saying! She is a child, your student."

"She is a danger! Look at those boys and tell me that she didn't use the very same hex that I had warned her could kill when misused. How old was Lord Voldemort when he began practicing the Dark arts? How old were you?"

Snape took an aggressive step forward and snarled, "You dare -"

"I do dare! Will you deny you were a Death Eater? Will you look me in the eye here, today, at this scene of dark magic and deny what you have done?"

"What's done is done, Mohini, and I have done more than you know to make up for my past. I have never exposed Ellie to such magic. So if you are suggesting that I have somehow influenced her -"

"There are black marks that can't wash out," she interrupted sharply, "And I admit that at first I thought it was your influence corrupting her, but look at what she did here, without you."

"She was defending herself!" he countered, "Three against one, I may add. She would never -"

"You have no idea what she would do!" she yelled, wild eyed. Then more calmly, "You have no idea what she's done."

Ellie didn't know what she had done either. Surely this was the only time she had ever hurt someone, and it was in self defence. 

Kamat let her heys flicker to Ellie for a moment but kept her wand firmly pointed at the professor. "Did she never tell you how she used magic as a child? How the ministry knew she was a witch? It was easy to find out, once it occured to me to look."

Was this about Brian Bunt and the blocks in kindergarten? Or was it -

"Annabelle Johnson and Sasha Doe. Two muggle girls who ended up in St. Mungo's"

Ellie had forgotten their names, but that was definitely them. They had bullied her as a young girl at the Children's Home, until they came down with a sudden sickness and had to leave.

Kamat locked onto Ellie's puzzled expression and a look of realization came over her face. "They never told you." Then with a touch of disgust, "And you never bothered to find out. Did you ever even ask where they went?"

Ellie hadn't asked where they went for treatment. She had just been grateful that they were gone. Even when she found out about magic and guessed that she had caused their illness, she hadn't tried to find out more. There was something nagging at her though. When the other children said Ellie was cursed, hadn't she asked Miss Trumble if they were coming back? 

"Whatever happened, Ellie was a child," said Snape, "She had no control over her magic."

"If she could do that by accident, I don't want to see what she'd be capable of as a fully trained witch. They never recovered, Severus." In a steely voice she said, "They died."

A dull roar filled Ellie's ears. Her mouth formed the word "no" but she couldn't be sure if she had made a sound. There had been some sort of mistake. She couldn't have…

She had to check on White right away, to make sure he was ok. As if from a long way off, she heard Kamat say, "Don't move!" followed by a flash of light and a cry of " _ Protego! _ "

Distantly, she heard Snape say, "Ellie, Run!"

None of the boys were moving. There was a lot of blood, and the effects of the stinging hex were worse than they had first appeared. But if she looked really closely, she could see their chests rising and falling slightly. They were still breathing. There was another flash of light and a sharp crack as the sound came rushing back in. 

" _ Go, now! _ " Snape ordered, deflecting another spell and returning one of his own.

This time the command registered. She leapt over the bodies in the hall and ran up the first flight of stairs she encountered. She needed to find a teacher. Sprout, or even McGonagall. Dumbledore would be best, but she had no idea where his office was. When she reached the entry hall with the vague intention of getting help from whoever was in the staffroom, she ran right into the headmaster.

He had his wand out and a serious look on his face, completely unlike the cheery, smiling man she had met at Spinner's End. "Where are they?" he asked.

Ellie had no time to wonder how he knew something was wrong. She immediately peeled off in the direction of the dungeons, with Dumbledore close behind. They could hear the prolonged dueling as they got closer. There was a small cluster of Slytherins whispering in worried tones, just out of spell range around the corner. A girl shrieked as a piece of masonry went skidding into their midst.

Dumbledore swept the students aside, instructing them to return to their dorms. Ellie turned the corner and saw the  two of them still furiously slashing their wands through the air and causing explosions. Dumbledore held his wand aloft and bellowed, "Enough!"

Kamat turned on her heel and pointed her wand straight at Ellie. There was a flash of light, and then everything went dark.

 

Ellie woke up in the infirmary the next day. Madam Pomfrey was waving some foul smelling substance under her nose. Bleary-eyed, she tried half heartedly to swat it away. As her mind became clearer, though, all the recent events came flooding back in and she found herself crying.

At first she tried to hold back, but it was all just too much to bear. Like a burst dam, she let it all out in huge choking sobs, but the tears just kept coming.

_ Murderer _ , said a small voice in her head.  _ You’re a murderer and Snape probably is too _ .

Madam Pomfrey patted her gently on the back saying, “There, there, dear. You’re alright now.”

Ellie cried louder.

Dumbledore entered the room and said, "Ah, finally awake. Can you give us a moment, Poppy?"

The nurse quietly closed the door behind her as the headmaster took a seat by Ellie's bedside. "I thought you might want to know that Professor Kamat has left the school."

Ellie shook her head slightly and continued to cry.

"No? Well I suppose it wouldn't make much of a difference to you at this point. You must have questions about other things, though. I will try to answer as honestly as I can."

Ellie reigned in her tears enough to ask, "White?"

Dumbledore smiled gently, "Perfectly fine. He and his friends returned to the dorms this morning, good as new. They will, of course, be facing disciplinary action for their behavior. Ordinarily attacking a fellow student would be grounds for expulsion, but seeing as none of their spells actually hit their mark, you would not have a strong case against them. And acting in self defence, of course, will receive a similarly light punishment."

Ellie shook her head again. She didn't care about detention for herself or her attackers. She just wanted to know that they had recovered. Dumbledore let her sit there for a while until her sobs devolved into hiccups and her eyes were merely red, not crying. Finally, she was ready to talk. "Before Kamat left, did she… did she tell you why? Why she did it?"

His smile faded and he looked merely sad. "No, Ellie. But I do know."

Ellie looked down at her hands and said, "She was right. I shouldn't be here."

"To leave your past behind, the only thing you can do is move forward," he said, "I knew your history before you came to Hogwarts. You will learn not only how to use your powers, but also when. This is exactly where you should be. You will overcome your past, and you will put as much good into this world as you possibly can."

Ellie clenched her hands, "There is nothing good in me."

Dumbledore took out his wand and murmured, " _ Restinctio Lux _ ."

Ellie gasped as she was hit by a sudden wave of positive emotion. It was in such contrast with her natural state that it hurt and she started to cry again. But when Dumbledore extinguished his wand a moment later, she felt a little better, a little more like she could get through this and things may not be so bad after all.

"Redemption is a road without end, but this charm is a gift that will put you on the right path," said Dumbledore. "Share it."

Ellie nodded thoughtfully. "Is Professor Snape on the right path?"

"He's on the path he needs to be on."

"Do you think that he… I mean now that he knows, about me… will I he still want me to stay with him?"

"How curious. Severus asked me much the same question about you. I think it is safe to assume that you both wish to continue with your present arrangement, for now."


	15. Reparation

Ellie passed her final exams with flying colors. The Light of Fulfillment charm seemed to have caused a major breakthrough in her magical abilities, because all of the spells that had caused her so much trouble throughout the year became perfectly doable. 

She had no one to share her success with, though. She spent the last week of term avoiding Yuki and Phineas, afraid that they would ask her what had happened that day. She knew that she could never tell anyone else about - 

She couldn't even think it to herself. 

No friendship was strong enough to survive that, she thought. But she wasn't ready to lie to them about it quite yet. Maybe she would talk to them again in the fall, after she had more time to process. How could she call them her friends, though, when she kept so much from them? Her chest tightened as she thought about what this meant for her future. Lies and secrets forever. But if that was the price to pay…

There were plenty of rumors about what had happened, though, and Phineas and Yuki were sure to have heard most of them by now. Some people seemed to think that Kamat had attacked the three Slytherin boys, and Snape had leapt to their defence, while others claimed that Kamat had broken up a fight between Ellie and the boys but gone a little overboard. Even the Slytherins who had witnessed the subsequent duel between the teachers couldn't seem to come to any conclusions. The one consistent fact was that Kamat had been the one to fire a spell at Ellie, and Dumbledore hadn't stopped it.

No one would dare ask Snape what had happened, Kamat was gone, and neither Ellie nor the boys were quick to affirm or deny any rumors, so they continued to spread. Speculation and whispers seemed to follow Ellie wherever she went. At one point, this may have bothered her. But it all seemed so insignificant compared to the confrontation that preceded the teachers' duel. 

Ellie sat by herself on the train ride home. She got some mixed looks in the window as people passed by, but no one came in. Some seemed to pity her, sitting there friendless after being brutally attacked by a teacher. But others looked afraid, convinced that she had used dark magic to defeat three students at once. Ellie just stared out the window and dreamt about locking herself in her bedroom for the rest of the summer.

 

As she was dragging her trunk to the taxi stand, someone called out, "Ellie! Long time no see. Have a good year?"

It was Mr. Weasley. All of his children were standing behind him uncomfortably aware of how ridiculous that question was in this situation. Charlie tried to get his attention and make him stop, but he just continued brightly, "Fred and George didn't cause too much trouble, did they?"

Ellie almost laughed. Their stupid prank had been so long ago that she had nearly forgotten about it. And they had certainly left her alone after that. Honestly, she answered, "They were alright."

Mr. Weasley gave a pleasant little wave and led his family on, but the twins hung behind for a moment. One of them said quietly, "Thanks for not telling our dad about that herbology thing."

Ellie just shrugged. She'd been satisfied with telling their brother. There was no need to escalate their animosity if she could help it. They didn't look at all mad at her now, though.

He continued, "I heard that you duelled some Slytherins in Charlie's year because they called you a, you know, the bad word for muggle-born."

The other one added, "I heard you won."

They seemed to be waiting for Ellie to respond, so she nodded cautiously. 

"Brilliant," they replied in unison.

Their parents called to them to catch up, so they hurried off, one of them throwing a quick wave over his shoulder.

Ellie didn't think it was brilliant at all. If they knew how badly she had actually hurt those students, what she was really capable of…

 

She arrived back at Spinner's End before Snape. Her room was a bit musty after being closed up for a year, but it was good to have her own room again, with her own lock on the door, and the freedom to just be alone.

It had been a year since Snape rescued her from the Clarkes, but it felt much longer. She was a different person than she had been a year ago. She was a different person than she had been a week ago.

That wasn't quite true, though, she thought. She had been the same killer then as she was now, only she hadn't known it then. She'd been a killer since she was seven years old, and no one had told her until Professor Kamat. Professor Dumbledore may have meant well by keeping it from her, but at this point she was grateful that Kamat had told her. From now on she would be watching herself as closely as Kamat had watched her.

She wondered if Snape would have told her, if he had known. She wasn't sure what he thought of the news, since she'd been avoiding him too. Would he be as disgusted with her as she was with herself? He'd allowed her to come back here, but maybe it was just to keep an eye on her now that he knew how dangerous she could be.

On the other hand, she thought, he might not be bothered at all, since he had been a Death Eater himself. He hadn't denied Kamat's accusation, and it made a certain amount of sense. Kamat had hinted at it the first time they met. Thinking back on it, there were a lot of times when Snape had hurriedly changed the topic when Ellie asked about the Dark Arts, or really anything to do with his past. She realized that she actually knew very little about him.

Ellie had read about some of the Death Eaters who had been convicted and ended up in Azkaban. They had manipulated, tortured, and killed people in the name of Voldemort.  Some of Voldemort's followers hunted down muggles and muggle-borns just for sport. There was one Death Eater that had killed twelve muggles in one go, and laughed about it. She was afraid to ask what Snape had done.

Ellie lay in bed, chasing morbid thoughts around her head for hours, until she finally drifted off to sleep.

 

Snape was worried. They'd been back at Spinner's End for a week and still hadn't talked about the end of term events. They barely talked at all, beyond "pass the salt." Without ever really discussing it, they continued their habit of eating meals together, but Ellie had ceased reading in the library. Instead, she would come down for quick meals and then immediately retreat back up to her room. He was trying to give her space, to allow her to approach things when she was ready, but his anxiety was getting worse the longer he waited.

He had known since last summer that Ellie would find out about his Death Eater past eventually. There was no way he could hide it forever. But he was never willing to bring it up himself, and he was furious that Kamat had revealed it so abruptly, before he figured out how to address it.

He had to address it now, though. And even more importantly, he had to address the other point, of Ellie's past. He was sure that she was blaming herself for what had happened. Kamat had certainly made it clear that she held Ellie responsible for her actions. It was unfortunate, and sad, what happened to those girls. But at the time, Ellie had no idea what she was doing, and her ignorance absolved her in his opinion. It was an accident. A terrible accident, but an accident nonetheless.

Finally, it was Dumbledore who gave Snape the push he needed to talk to Ellie. At lunch one day, he slid Ellie a stack of parchment and said, "This is for you."

"What is it?" she asked nervously.

"Penance."

"It looks like forms."

"It is. These are the forms you need to fill out in order to get your spell approved by the ministry. You will likely also be asked to come in and perform it in person," Snape said. He added, "Dumbledore insists."

Ellie flipped through the unpleasantly thick stack. "You can patent charms?" she asked.

"Yes," he answered, "But I think Dumbledore intends for you to make your spell free for public use."

Ellie put the paper down and clenched her hands in her lap. "Is this a punishment?" she asked quietly, "for what I did?"

Snape answered gently, "This is a reparation for what you did to those Slytherin boys. As for the other thing… You owe no reparation, because you are not at fault."

Ellie quickly wiped away a tear but did not look up. "I am. I did it."

Snape said, "No, you didn't. Magic can work through us in ways that are out of our control, especially as a young child. You did not curse them."

Ellie made no response for a long while. Eventually, she met Snape's eyes and asked, "Have you ever killed someone?"

He tried to read her expression. There was no accusation there, only sadness. He hesitated, but nodded slightly. "Indirectly, yes."

"Does the guilt ever go away?"

He held her gaze and shook his head.

With a pained expression she asked, "Does it get better?"

He wanted to comfort her. But the truth was that it never got easier. He still thought of Lily every day. He continued with his life, but he never moved on. In response, he shook his head again and said, "I'm sorry."

Some tears spilled from Ellie's eyes and she looked away again. Snape felt terrible, sitting opposite her and being unable to help. Nothing in his life had prepared him to tell a tearful 11 year old that it wasn't her fault that she had magically killed two other children when she was only seven years old. And he didn't know what else to say that could possibly minimize her guilt.

He was suddenly reminded of another scene, many years ago. After Lily's death and the fall of the dark lord, he had cried to Dumbledore and begged him to somehow make it right, to bring her back. Dumbledore had not tried to comfort him or ease his guilt. Instead, he had made Snape vow to protect Lily's child, Harry, when he became old enough to enter the wizarding world himself.

He had come to resent that word as bond over the years of waiting for Harry to grow up, but at the time it had given him the purpose and sense of direction that he needed to keep living. He could think of no such mission to give Ellie, though. He had looked into it, and neither of the deceased girls had any known relatives. No one claimed them, and they had been buried at a local cemetery together, without much ceremony.

"All you can do is keep moving forward, Ellie. But if it would help you move on, you could say goodbye."

Leaving the plates and the forms on the table, Snape led her out of the house. Fluffy white clouds drifted mockingly overhead, and the birdsong sounded shrill and unpleasant. They walked past the playground, through the old factory district, and out toward the emerging countryside beyond until they reached a pristine church graveyard on the very edge of town. It didn't take long to find the gravestones, small and white and devoid of the molding wreaths and flowers that decorated the neighboring plots.

Snape made two small bouquets appear and held them out for Ellie to take, but she shook her head. She took out her own wand and asked, "Can I?"

As her guardian, it was Snape's responsibility to stop her from doing magic outside school, but this didn't seem like a good time to enforce that, so he vanished the flowers and stepped back.

Ellie knelt down in front of the two graves and clasped her wand in both hands, almost in prayer. In a small wavering voice, she began to sing. Snape couldn't be certain, but he thought that the words may have been in Hebrew. He didn't recognize it as a spell, but after a few moments he noticed some movement in the grass between the graves and realized that it must be magic.

The melody was simple and clean, repeating endlessly even as the words changed. Almost without meaning to, he found himself humming along to the melancholy tune. The rise and fall of the music vibrated in his chest and he could feel the power of it, even without the lyrics. Slowly at first, and then more quickly,  little green shoots rose up and bloomed into delicate wildflowers around the two graves. Snape let his voice fade away while Ellie continued to sing. 

Eventually, Ellie stopped her song and lowered her wand. She stood up slowly, brushing the dirt from her knees and stood next to Snape. Her eyes were red and her cheeks were still damp, but the tears had stopped. He put an arm around her shoulders and they stood there together, watching and waiting. The wildflowers swayed idly in the gentle breeze but grew no more.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for reading this incredibly self-indulgent story! Please enjoy part two, the immediate sequel, as well!


End file.
